Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Biopsy Today

Dang it I'm so nervous.

I'm nervous because for the first time in my life I had a doctor actually come out and SAY "This is going to hurt."

Usually it's "Oh, it'll only be like a bee sting" HA!! -OR- "This may cause some discomfort." YYYOWWWWZZAA !!!!

But today she actually told me to take a couple of Aleve an hour before I come to "help with the pain a little bit." Well fuck. Really? Shit. OW.

They're going to test for cervical cancer. Everything else has been ruled out and I don't even have HPV but at this point it's either I've got somethin funny in there that's benign - or not.

For someone my age it's RARE, like a lot rare for a chick my age to have cervical cancer, so that's nice. But gall dernit it doesn't stop me from worrying my pants off like a crazy lady.

My god I actually did laundry and cleaned and packed and threw away a bunch of stuff and sorted out clothes for GoodWill last night. (Uh, I clean when I'm nervous, our office is spotless today)

I know it's only a small chance but damn it, I used to PRAY when I was younger to be infertile. Like for real, I detested the idea of having children THAT much. And then I met C. and he made me consider babies, and now when I look into his eyes and he smiles at me and tells me I'm everything he's ever wanted (and I know it's the same for me) and that I'm his "tesoro" (treasure) and "Mi Vida" (my life) and "Mi Cielo" (my sky) and then he laughs and says he can't wait to have a "Peeeessey leetle girl just like jew Chaquita" my damn uterus drops out and sends signals to my brain in protest that it is empty.

The idea of kids still scares me, I can't imagine being good at it - my god I know ZIP about kids, I've never even changed a diaper, and I like a lot of alone time dang it.

But C. would make a crapping-WONDERFUL father and I can't help but imagine us in a few years when everything is settled down and we've had more time together to really BE together and not have to worry all the time - and picture a little half-breed in the making. I'll bet we'd have one hell of a crazy and fun time together raising a little pale-glasses needing-allergic-to-everything-gonna-need-braces-and-a-dermatologist-and-lots-of-exercise lil jumping bean.

It says in the Good Book that God won't give us more than we can handle so I'm gonna have to go with the fact that I must be just fine. I've probably got a wild bunch of cysts that are all friendly and that's it.

Because I can't handle cervical cancer right now and there's no way I could handle losing the ability to have kids. I'm at my wits very last end just trying to move and pull myself far away from my family, I can't take any more.

For heavens sake LISTEN to me I'm all super dramatic and WIGGED out right now and I don't even know ANYTHING yet. I can't deal God, don't even let me try. Please. (and thank you in advance, amen)

So that's that for today. It's probably NOTHING at all (besides the pain factor - OW!) but I'm worried anyways. Cuz I can be. So there. If any of you guys pray, well, that could be cool you know. Like, I'd appreciate it and stuff. :)

Okay, enough flipping out, I'm off, you guys have a good one and thank you for reading all of my drama, you are the best blog pals ever. Just so you know.


Kristi said...

Good luck with the biopsy....it isn't rare at all to get cervical cancer this young, I have had several friends with cervical cancer, all under the age of 30. Good news it is very treatable

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

I hope everything goes okay today. I've had this procedure (or a similar one) and I won't lie to you - it's uncomfortable. There are people who will tell you that it doesn't hurt - barely a pinch. Those people are men who don't have cervixes. Like my former doctor, the bastard. It's not, OMG I'm going to DIE or pass out pain but it's more than a shot or IV. The alleve will make a huge difference and you'll be fine.

Suki said...

Lord, hope everything is okay! Kristi is right, cervical cancer - like all cancer - is very treatable if detected early, so don't worry too much.
Take care, and keep us posted. Ok?

Krissie said...

You're so gonna have like a dozen of leetle Mexican kids running around in ponchos and sombreros! (OK, so I single-handedly insulted the entire nation in one sentence but you get me.) God totally wouldn't let the two of you not have any kids!

Ryan said...

It's probably just a ring some dude lost years ago. No worries.

You'll have a full womb in no time.

Lindy said...

Kristi - Oh well shit then. But yeah, you're right I've read that it has a very high survival rate. :) Thank You for saying so, and commenting :)

Ima - You're right, lol they did say it'd be like a "pinch" but it was more like getting my cartilage peirced, but my cervix peirced instead. Luckily they only had to take two (and then the damn inner scrap Yowzz) I think the worst part was the fear - and the after ache. Poor cervix's they're some brave bitches.

Suki - My doctor found stuff to biopsy but didn't find any glaring monster tumors so that rocks out. AND !! It only takes a week to find out the results! How cool is that!? And Thank You Suki, I appreciate you coming and saying something. :)

Krissie - AAAAAAaaaaand I'm lucky it's reeeeaaaally early in the morning or else I'd be crying. I do love you did I tell you that? I'm gonna have to name one of my half breeds middle name after you or something. What's YOUR middle name???? Oh hell and you're kidding yourself if you don't know that one of their baby pictures they'll be nekid in little mexican ponchos and sombreros. ha ! HAHAHHAHAH little half breeds are gonna have it hard. :P

Ryan - Awwwwwww :) RIGHT !??? Maybe THAT'S where that one toy went...... :P Thank You :)

Suki said...

Hey, I always read though I don't always comment! :)

Take care you - and I am SO taken aback by your latest post, aaaa! Congratulations, a couple of years too late!

Lindy said...

Suki - Thank You :) OH ! And I didn't mean anything funky by what I wrote to you, I re-read it and it did sound goofy though, but I just meant thanx :)

And Thank You ! ! :) Hey at least SOMEBODY'S surprised ! :P

Suki said...

Rock on, girl - er...woman, now that ye'r married and all :D

Blogget Jones said...

Oh dear, I've had that biopsy, too. And it's hurts like an MFer! You have my sympathy!

Something funny happened with mine, though, but I'll email it to you. It's kinda obscene and I don't want to make anyone blush :o)

Let us know how it turns out, okay?

Take care!

Sassy Blondie said...

Keep me posted on the results! I lit a candle for you! :)


Lindy said...

Suki - A woman - that feels so weird to say, I'm so immature! I guess young lady doesn't fit anymore either, ack, getting older is weird.

Blogget - Ouch is right but it's getting better. OMG I think the weirdest thing is the STUFF they put on it to stop the bleeding - do you know what I'm talking about? That....STUFF?? It's got some interesting side affects afterwards omg. DO email me I'd love to hear it and hell I've even got some gross-ness of my own to share :P

Sassy - Thank You so much :)

Sparx said...

Hey gal, am reading from the oldest post up so not sure if you've posted the results... although, hey ho Sparx, a week hasn't passed yet... er... anyway, big sympathies but I'm sure whatever it is it'll be treatable. You are SO ready to be a Mum... everyone's ready even if they don't know it.

Lindy said...

Sparx - omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg so that's ready? And YAY !! I don't have cancer, my doctor called last NIGHT to tell me she is SO COOL. I'm just about to go and post about it :) Thank You :)

Krissie said...

Hee, I don't have a middle name. Whatcha gonna do NOW?!

Effortlessly Average said...

I'm not religeous enough to not feel weird using "pray" in a sentence, but nevertheless I'm going to now: I pray you're ok hon.

Lindy said...

Krissie - Tramp. That's your middle name - KRIS***** TRAMP D****!!! So there. :P

Effort - Thank You, a lot. :)

Krissie said...

See, now I wonder what that extra star in my name stands for... :P