Last night we had a scary ass storm heading our way. You know the kind where the weather folks REALLY get hyped up and excited and it seems like their about one tornado warning away from either orgasming or spontaneously combusting right on the air? I'll bet their some kinky folk. "Oh baby, tell daddy he's a category 5, ooh yeah, say flash flood, oooooh almost there, say sand bags say sand bags! Ahhhhhhh DECLAIR DISASTER for daddy!!!" Bastards.
Anyways, they were mentioning 80 mph winds and tornado warnings and taking cover and telling folks living in trailers to EV-A-CU-ATE. Eeeeee!!! I told my jumping bean that we had to GO. The storm was predicted to hit us in like 15 minutes and we needed to get our asses to a basement somewhere.
AHH!! And that leeetle what-ever-nothing-is-going-to-happen-why-are-you-overreacting
PENDEJO-that-I-love wasn't hearing it. He just sat there on the couch with me watching the weathergirl start to convulse and started getting assey. "Eet's fine, Nathings going to kahpayn."
I kept urging and flipping and finally he agreed to go but said he had to take a shower first. OH, well good idea frijole, that way when the coroner finds you cut in half by a flying ROOF at least your assey ass will be clean. Did I mention I was nervous?
Bless his heart he DID manage to take a really quick shower and came out to meet me with my freak-out face on and clothes for him to wear. He started getting pissy and moving slow so I really started to lay it on about how we had to get the shit out of there and he gave me the ole "Just go now and I'll catch up with you." What. Ever. I made it quite clear that I wasn't leaving without his stoopid ass and he better for REAL hurry.
By this point it had dropped from 90 degrees to about 75 (in the time span of like 4 minutes) the sky was black and the wind was showing IT'S ass. Eek! FINLAY Sr. Ass-a-lot got his shit together and was ready to leave.
OH! OH! OH! This is the shit - I kid you not, scouts honor, the SECOND his foot stepped outside on to our steps I heard this weird CCRRRRRRAAAAAKKWHHOOOSHCRACKBOOM! noise. I thought "Holy shit that lighting was close!" But no, as I tried to get out the door where he had gone catatonic, I saw what it really was. Out in front of our house a BIIIIGGG Old tree decided it couldn't take any more and had broken in half and fell out into the road. For real like 20 feet from us.
AHahahahahahha! He turned around and looked at me with his eyes all BIG and said in his I'm scared voice "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, layt's go."
Ah ha ha ha. I remember clearly that when I saw that tree in the road and he said I'm sorry I forgot about being scared and thought "YES!! BOO-YAH-POLLY how freakin COOL was that! I was RIGHT and now you KNOW it beotch!" I allllllllmost shot my finger strait in the air and screamed "THANK YOU!" to the heavens for such a perfectly timed -HA!!- to my sweet little bowl of rice and beans.
Ha. ha. ha-haaaaa ha. Nah-nah-nah-nah-booooooo boo!
Luckily for him I'm nothing if I'm not modest, *ahem* and decided against an I-told-you-so happy dance, picked up his balls up off the ground and let him drag ME to the car.