Friday, September 5, 2008

I'm All Alone

2-11-08

C. and I have been torn apart. Not by any will or wish of our own but for the forseeable future, 2 months going up into maybe a lot more, like maybe a LOT more like 2-6 or more months we will not be able to be in one anothers arms or even the same room really. He's in an immigration jail. I don't really want to go into it but I'm beyond heartbroken. He is beyond heartbroken. We are made for one another and to be apart has created something within me that is beyond what I thought capable. I can't eat, I'm sick and and I can't really sleep at night.

Yesterday the pipes froze on our house - C. always fixes it when this sort of thing happens, he's all manly and wonderful and smart like that. But after 4 hours of busting my ass in 2 degrees I got the water back on. And then I blew a fuse. And then I went to Home Depot and asked some old guys what to do about fuses and then I cried - IN Home Depot. That was nice.

I got the fuse box figured out and fixed - (C. always fixes it when I blow fuses) - and then the water was froze again and I gave up.

And my fish died yesterday. I think because it's so damn cold in our house. C. wouldn't have been able to fix my dead fish but at least I could have cried on his shoulder.

It's only been since wendsday but I feel like it's been weeks. I think if I'm going to kick this damn flu I'm going to have to start eating agian but I can't seem to find the will very much.

My Mom and Dad and my friends Jaime and Krissie have all been very supportive although I've succeeded nicley in scaring the ever living shit out of my poor Mom and maybe even Jaime. I've never been much of a public cry-er but now I seem to do it everywhere - even on the phone with my Mom. Okay and in front of my BOSS. And my co-workers. And the people at Home Depot.

So. I'm not much for blogging, being wihtout my C. has left me empty. He's my smile and my heart. Forgive me if I take a break, maybe writing my shit will be helpful soon, you know to take the mind off things, but for now. For now I'm empty.

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