Yeeeaaaahhhh uh. Just so ya know. I've told a few of you that I trust from my other blog but for the last ALMOST 2 years I've been pretending like C. and I are engaged.
Cuz I couldn't tell my parents.
Or, at least I didn't THINK I could tell them.
When C. got into his first go-round with La Migra we had been together for 1 month and 3 weeks. I was already crazy about him and he was already in LOOOOVVVVEEEE with me so at 1 month 3 weeks and 3 days I told him that I'd marry him if it meant keeping him in the country. It was my offer, he never would have asked.
I told my boss, my bff Jaybird and my other friend and co-worker Frankie. I would have gone it without telling anybody - I KNEW how insane it sounded and I'm usually a pretty bright person that doesn't go flying off the deep end you know? - but I needed witnesses. I told those that KNEW (which ended up being my entire office because my boss has a big mouth) that it was OKAY because if it turned out we weren't perfect for each other I'd just divorce his ass quietly and it'd be FINE.
One side of my family was in such an uproar that they were hounding me to LEAVE HIS ASS so I couldn't bring myself to tell them, I was just too sure at the time that they would disown me and I loved them too much to risk that. My other family were ok with C. but damn, uhhhhhh getting married after 2 months? I didn't want them to think I had lost it, I didn't want them to be worried about me.
So. On November 30th 2006 I went to work, did my job and my boss and I and Frankie left a couple of hours early (with the flowers she bought me at the grocery store (I will always be grateful for those flowers) ) and headed off to the court house.
It was hard but not as hard as I thought. I had always ALWAYS imagined both of my Dads walking me down the isle in a church and my mom in the front row crying and.... well you know. But I was so very much in love with mi corazon.
Chino and I found a quiet corner where we went to pray for ourselves and our marriage and a short time later a kindly judge came to get us.
:) Oh God my baby was SO nervous he had a hard time repeating the vows, the judge had to repeat a few times for him because his english super-skillz went strait out the window. Bless his heart he was just a shaking :) The judge read us the traditional vows that I had always wanted and for that I was very thankful, I wanted to say to have and to hold for better or worse and I got to. And we have.
It's been almost two years and we've been through SO MUCH, so much separation (against our will of course) and worrying every day of our marriage for one reason to the next and stress from my family and everything else that comes to newlywed po-folk. :)
But I'll be damned if we didn't know what we were doing WAS right. Our love has GROWN over the last two years no matter what has been thrown at us. Every once in a while he'll say or do something so small but it's like the last drop in the bucket and my heart overflows and I get this FEELING inside, overwhelming, and I have to tell him "Oh ! I love you MORE again!" :) It grows, this kind of love grows, not getting stale or week after 2 or 3 months like you hear people do in beginning relationships.
As time goes on and we get more and more comfortable with each other he's become not less but MORE romantic with me. He's less afraid to show his crazy love for me in his silly ways now because he knows that I might giggle :P but I'd never laugh at him. So when he wants to bust out on the phone in a spontaneous off-key love song in spanish - because he JUST CAN'T hold it in - he feels free and I love him all the more. He showers me with praises and for once in my life I believe them. I believe that I am his tesoro and cielo and vida and corazon and luz and sol and amiga and amante. (treasure, sky, life, heart, light, sun, friend and lover) I beleive it when he tells me I'm beautiful and perfect for him in every way even when I'm "Peeesy."
So, why tell you all now? Aw shit. Well, when we were married we requested not to have it published in the papers (obviously) but I guess - or I know because my Father Chuckles told me last night - that sometimes parents just KNOW things or can sense that they are going to happen.
And you only have to pay 10$ for anybody's public records.
And my step-mom is kinda internet savey.
Last night after my biopsy I felt like being with my Father Chuckles and I asked him about something a little fishy he said the other day. I won't go into all of it but he and I beat around the bush and ran in circles around one another last night for a long time and now I know that he knows.
He never came out and asked me or said it and neither did I, I was planning on taking this to my grave so it's a little hard to SAY to him - and you guys know how I am about SAYING things to him anyways - :P but we both made enough sideways references - and finally a lot of jokes :) that the truth is finally out in the open. I feel like some kind of bastard that he's KNOWN for two years that I'm a lying sack of shit but I'm also comforted because he also KNEW - through is parent intuition I guess, WHY I did it.
He doesn't hate me he never disowned me and he can even laugh about it. I feel bad that it hurt him that I didn't think I could tell him, but he understands that a little bit too. I am so grateful for this man and all he's put up with in me. I love him so very much.
I wonder now if I should just tell my other parents. They don't read my site because they're not on the internet yet, but it just seems so wrong now. Ah well, that's for another day. As for today . . wow. Just wow.