Wednesday, September 24, 2008

It's For Real Now

Like, it's official now, after giving my bosses 6 months notice with a fuzzy date to call it quits - I've actually come up with one. I talked to C. and even my parents and it's FOR REAL now.

And God I don't want it to be. I don't want to leave my mom and dad and other dad and lil brother and this job that I actually like coming to every day. And my bestest friend since forever - jaybird. I don't want to go with like 99% of the fibers in my being but I am.

I think it's harder now because we've spent so much time apart, it's not like I still don't love him like crazy, but after so LONG, you sort of get used to things. I guess I'm used to being alone again, but I know, I know that if I didn't go I'd be sick. He really is the one for me, and God I just wish I could get that FEELING in me so strong like it's always been. I need that crazy love INSANE PULL of a feeling to get me through this you know? I need to channel what it was like every time I had to leave him in Mexico this summer on my visits. I need to remember how heart wrenching it was to get on a plane and tell him it'd be alright we'd be together soon.

{{{{ I'm back I had to go outside and cry for a while, dramatic, I know }}}}}

I'm gonna miss my momma. That's what's really getting me today. She's got the best smile and the warmest softest hug you could ever imagine and even though we'll have the web-cam which I'm so very thankful for I'm not gonna be able to HUG her. We've gone far beyond mother/daughter the last few years and strait into best friend territory. I know we'll still be able to talk but damn it I just, aw hell. I'm gonna start to bawl again and I'm at work.

How do all of the college kids that get jobs like 8 states away as soon as their done with school do this? I know like 8 people from my class that actually stayed around here and the rest are all far far away from their families. I'm like a bird that left the nest but not the branch.

Next week is my last week at my job, and I'm staying around another week after that to spend time with family and pack. Then on the 13th or 14th I'll be on my way.

I foresee a lot of tissue and crappy tearful posts. Ugh.


Krissie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Krissie said...

Chica, you know you'll get that crazylove feeling right back as soon as you're with him, right? I know you do so whatcha worryin' about, huh?
Sure, you'll miss your family, who wouldn't, but after a few crappy tearful posts we'll be reading happy crazy hilarious Mexican posts about your new life and you facing a different culture on a daily basis. Man, I just know it's gonna be a riot! And before you know it, you'll be just as happy as you were some months ago. Because that's who you are: an optimistic, incredibly brave, and most awesome person who can deal with anything.
Now, if I can see that, you can too!

Lindy said...

Krissie - So. I've mentioned I Love You right?

Just checking.

*sigh* but you're right, hell when I get down there I'll be too freaked out by everything to be sad right?

And optimist? Yeah you're right. Incredibly Brave? PPPpppFFFt! That'll be the day, lordie, but thank you :)

And Thank You again.

Effortlessly Average said...

Well, at least we'll always have Paris.

Or Detriot. Or Peoria. Or wherever. heh.

Sassy Blondie said...

Think of it as a new adventure, Lindy! Plus, how funny that your vacation will be to the U.S.? Maybe I'll plan a run for the border soon and meet ya in a skanky bordertown for tequila shots! ;)