Friday, September 5, 2008

True Love Is Driving A Stick


Yesterday C. called me at work to tell me he bought a car. I knew he was looking for a car but I didn't realize he was just going to jump off and buy one just like that. But whatever. Anyways he asks me "Do you know how to drive a stick?"

Well let's think here my little chorizo, I drove a semi for almost 4 years and still have to sometimes if we get low on drivers. HHHmmmmm I wonder. Let's RREEAALLYY think about this.

Ok, so after he asked me I asked him. Lo and behold, what the heck, he has no idea how to drive a stick. But he bought one, and had his friend drive him home in it. Well isn't that nice. WHAT????

Ok. Fine. I told him that I would teach him, said our "Te amo's" and sweetly hung up the phone. THEN I ran to my boss and had a panic attack all over her desk. Let's count the reasons why I shouldn't be teaching him how to drive a stick. Come, let us.

1. I have no Patience.
2. I get frustrated very easily and start getting pissy -quick.
3. I think the top two might apply to him as well.
4. I love him.
5. He's a mexican, I think there's SOME stereotype out there about them and driving I just don't know what it is and don't want to.
6. He drives a regular car like a silly man.
7. The only other time I tried to teach someone how to drive something she (jaybird) ended up half in the ditch with a blown tire. (ok so it was her first time driving a car and we were like 16, and there was a scary STICK in the road)
8. He's a "man." I'm not. He's not going to listen to me and I'm gonna get pissed.
9. I'm normally an optimist and this is the stuff that I am thinking.

Ok, blah blah blah, I drive for a bit, try to explain and let him go at it. AND WHAT THE HECK??? That little beotch got in and took off like it was nothing. He over wound it EVERY time he shifted but other than that it was no big deal. Speaking of over winding the engine, I kept telling him OVER AND OVER to shift "when it gets to the 2 or 2 1/2 !!!"
He kept shifting at like 3 1/2 and I just figured he was nervous, but it turns out that he doesn't know what a tac or RPM is and thought I was telling him to shift at 20mph. Good Lord.

Anyways it was pretty uneventful until we headed home and came upon a big ass hill with a stop sign. Oops I forgot about that part. And of COURSE some guy would come strait up our ass at this particular moment. C. had no idea what was going to happen and when he pushed in the clutch and that bitch started rolling backwards he went into panic mode pushing and pulling every brake in the car, killing it and simultaneously grabbing the dash for dear life. HA HA HA HA HA!!! Oh shit I'm still laughin. Oh ho ho ho. That's what he gets for being so cocky when I told him I was impressed with how fast he picked it up.

I tried to explain how to do maneuver the hill but he was traumatized so we attempted to get out so I could show him and get us off the road. I told the dude behind us the deal and went over to the drivers side. He was still there trying to figure out how to get his fingers out of the dashboard and his seat belt off.

I drove around the block, explained what happened and how to fix it and went back to the hill. I parked farther down the hill and made him stop and do it over and over like 5 times until we got the top. When we got to the actual stop sign Mr. Cocky was back and told me that I could stop walking him through it every time and to "watch this." BBBWWAAAHAHAHHA

Mr. Cocky will never learn, I watched him kill it all to shit, and come strait down london bridge off his leeeetle pedestal. Oooooo soooowoo sowwy wee wittle showwoff. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

That's love. In case you need the definition of what love really is it is taking on a seemingly impossible task together and then laughing at them when they fail. And not feeling bad about it. Cuz he was cocky.

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