Friday, October 31, 2008

FUMIGRATION!!!!!

Yesterday when I was done job searching for the day and was back home alone I was in the kitchen when I heard a knock at our fence outside. I don't like it when people come to our house when C. is gone, I usually have JUST enough english to get by I guess I DO manage, but never as well as I'd like. I guess the textbook he gave me for our first Christmas really IS coming in handy now. :P

Yesterday was a shining goofy example of my lack of Spanish though. I wearily walked to the front door to peak my head out and saw a man behind our gate with some paperwork. He immediately launched into rapid-fire spanish and I couldn't get in a "UHHH" or "DUHH" or "NO HABLO" anywhere for like what seemed forever. I could tell he was asking me questions and he wanted answers, and it was making me nervous. I heard a word a few times and finally my brain registered it as "Immigration."

IMMIGRATION !!! AHHHHH!!!!!! I immediately thought "Holy shit! Immigration has come for me! HOW did they find me? WHY? I've got to run away!" LOL riiiigggghhhhttt like I could run away. Dork.

He stopped for a half second and I said - ???? Immigration ???? and he kept rapid firing that damn word at me but finally my head was starting to register something else. "igracion" "umigracion" "Fumigracion" "Fumigacion (Fum-i-grah-see-own) OHHHHHH !!! Fumigation !!!! He was a Bug-killer salesman !

AH !! AAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH !! SHIT !! And he scared the crap out of me! LOL I don't know why but he kept repeating it over and over FUMIGACION-FUMIGACION-fumigacionfumigacion! Strage.

Anyhoo I finally understood, said "Ohhhh !!" "Fumigacion!?" "NO GRACIAS !!" I smiled and shut the door. Good bye !

There's no REASON that immigration would come after me - and lord knows they wouldn't come toting a clip-board but instead big guns - but my lil ole brain is programmed to be worried about it I guess, after the couple of years with C. in the U.S.

Fumigation - HA ! He's two weeks too late, I hauled my cats and dog and C. over to his Aunts house the first full day I was there and bug-bombed the hell out of that place. We STILL have bugs dying - it's a long-killing formula safe for animals. I don't get how it works and I don't care, I'm just glad that the only mouse-sized cock-roaches I see are dead ones. *shudder*

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Serious Men

I saw a very serious looking muy importante looking mexican man standing on the street today talking to another super I'm-very-important-looking-man. They had their chests puffed out and were waving their arms about during their oh-so important conversation but neither seemed to notice that one of them had the zipper on his tight pants completely down. Tighty-whities for the world to SEE !

HAAAAAAAA I didn't tell him - it'd be improper :P - but I winked at him because I'm a crazy beotch like that. He tipped his hat at me - oh yes the pretty gringa, obviously impressed by his status - and smiled wide. I would have given quite a few pesos to see his reaction when he finally realized that his white underpants were on view for everyone to see through his black pants - and to know what he thought of that gringa THEN. HA !


Okay, on to something meaningful. Here we go.

Chino is such a good husband, I adore him ! And I'm glad I can say I was not wrong to come crazy assed chasing after him. He has been so sweet to me these past 14 days. (my gawd it seems like a MONTH!) Through my crying and my tantrums and my complete irrational bitchiness to HIM for the fact that Mexico has an INSANE street system and I keep getting lost - he just keeps loving me and hugging me and telling me that it will get better.

Through the over-salty, over-sour- over-cooked- under-cooked dinners that I make for him (not quite back into the swing of cooking yet :P and god knows I've never been able to make rice.) he eats on and smiles and thanks me and loves me for my efforts.

The other day when he was off to work I walked down the street to a tiny store, a little adventure to buy some pop and cookies. On the way there I tried my best to feel that I was in MY home too, not just Mexico, and tried to make myself feel that I belong. When I got there the bars were up in the doorway and locked but the door was open on the inside. There was a sign out front "Abierto" and I just stood there staring at it trying my damnedest to remember if that meant open or closed. I stood there like an idiot and looked on into the store past the bars to the pop and candy trying to figure out what I would get if the door would open.

Finally a lady came out and started talking to me in rapid spanish. I "Uh" "Oh" and "Guh" and "Duh'd" for a bit before I could get out "Hablo poqito." But it was all good, her son came out and he spoke perfect english. He explained that they were open but keep the doors locked to keep out the rats. (The thief's)

Anyways, I walked around feeling like an idiot while they both STARED at me trying to figure out what kind of cookie I wanted to try so I just grabbed something. When it came time to pay it amounted to about 2 dollars and for what I bought I knew it was kind of an insane price, more like U.S. prices, but didn't know how to argue so I just paid and walked out feeling bummed that they screwed me for being a gringa. So much for my feeling of belonging. Jerks.

I told C. about it when he got home and asked him if I was right, that they over charged me and he got all manly and puffed up and outraged on my behalf. He demanded to see the wrappers from the cookies and the pop bottle, did the math in his head and came up with that they over charged me by more than double.

He says "Jew want me to go down there and say some-ting to dem? I'm going to go say something, they don't need to do this to you, I'm going." I just smiled at all this, I didn't expect that he would be so pissed on my behalf, I thought he would shrug it off but no. :) He left his dinner right there on the table and told me he'd be back and marched his lil but out the house and down the road full of fire-ant and ready to deafened his gringas honor. I was so proud :P

But really, it was nice to have him do that, it feels good to have someone stand up for me like that you know? I never should have doubted that he would. :) Lucky for those people the store was closed by that time, and the next day when we drove by C. stopped again, but once again they were closed. He's still got it in his mind to tell these people off and I love him for it, this weekend when he's not working that lady's gonna have some splaining to do. He's mine and I'm' so proud. :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

How I Got Here

I just spent an hour and a half trying to submit an application online and then Windows STINKING CRAAAAP VISTA tells me that they no longer support html or web-based e-mails. EXCUSE ME??? Oh F-U VISTA YOU PEICE OF SHIT ! CRAAAAAPPPPP.

So. I tried to sign up for Vistas version but it was confusing and just not do-able. THEN it said if I went through some rig-a-ma-ro I COULD make a way to use my yahoo, I just had to fill out some stuff. So I filled out some stuff - AND IT TELLS ME I have to have the non-free version of Yahoo. FUCK THAT! So I tried to sign up for a Hotmail account - just. so. I. can. send. this. damn. application. And what do I get after filling out the form??? HMMM???? "ERROR, we're sorry our website is experiencing a temporary error. Please try again. 3 tries later?? FUCK YOU MICROSOFT AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT VISTA ! I HAAAATTEEE YOU.

Ahem. Excuse me.

BASTARDS!!!


Anyways, here's the start of my story about coming to Mexico. I'm frazzled and retarded right now so it's not up to my usual par of mediocre, but you'll get the point. (and p.s. bloggers spell check isn't working so you can all see just how regtarded I am - awesome)

Ugh. Death to Vista. - And does anybody else want to make out with the Apple Computer Commercial guy? I think I might, don't tell C. :P


I made it, I made it to mexico, I'm here, I live here. Holy damn and shit. WOW you know?

Frankie my friend from work and his testy teenage daughter and I drove down starting on a Wendsday at about noon and didn't arrive at the border till midnight thursday (well, friday then? blah) anyhoo, it was a long as hell drive and would have been a lot shorter but the traffic from Dallas all the way to San Antonio (like over a hundred miles) was during rain and was pretty much one gigantic traffic jam.

It was insane. Aparently people in TX think rain means that armaggedan MAAYYY be coming and they should therefore drive like total morons and go 20mph. I don't get it, but whatever.

I felt so bad for my cats and dog, my cats wouldn't eat drink or go to the bathroom and thought I could get Sassy (Sassy is my "new" dog - no I didn't name her after Sassy Blondie, she came named :P) to eat (only out of my hand and only food that I chewed up and spit out) but not so much on the bathroom front.

The second day big kitty puked up white foam all over Frankies daughter (hahahhahah) and I was so worried she was dehydrated and was going to die or something. (she lived, no brain damage, she's already retarded)

Down about 120 miles from the border in the middle of KNOWHERE on a knowhere road we stopped off to consult the map and then my car wouldn't start - that was scary. My trusy battery starter saved the day though and we were on our way.

I was so damn tired when we finaly got to the border. I left frankie and brit at a hotel with my car and cleaned out the van (I had quite a melange of food and dog stuff and papers going on) started to translate the inventory sheet that I thought I would need for the border the sheed that I THOUGHT I would have had a half a day to do - BUT NOOOO (thanx traffic jam) and promptly gave up. It was too long and I was too tired, it was in Gods hands at that point.

I prayed over and over and over (for weeks) for some sort of miracle at the border - them just waving me through or making me pay a mordita (bribe) or SOMETHING, just something to let me pass.

So - what happened? HA !! I can't hardly believe it, omg (Mom, omg means Oh My God, you'll catch on, love u!) you guys. I pulled up to the border, paid my bridge fare and went on to the PASS or Go part and got PASSED THROUGH - I was thinking HOLY CRAP they're not even going to SEARCH ME (in my giant filled to the roof cargo van) this is AWESOME !!! - when a man with a big gun started flashing his flashlight at me - to stop. Shit.

He asked me to get out, asked me if I speak spanish - no - and started asking me just what the heck I was DOING in Mexico in the middle of the night with a big ole van. I told him I was coming to be with my husband - a mexican - and the guy seemed relieved. I told him that my husband was waiting right there for me and waved to C. to come over. Lol C. and I had our 2 month gone reunion with a border guard and his Ak-47, we kind of looked at each other with big scared eyes and just said hi.


The border guard was happy that C. was there because he could speak spanish. And what happened next? Pure Mexico, Mexico at it's finest. :P

Border Gaurd -
"This is your husband?"
"Yes, we have our I.D.'s and I have our marrige certificate if you'd like to see."
"No, that's ok."
(To C. in spanish) -
What is all this stuff?"
""It's all our things, we're moving here."

"You're moving to Mexico?"
"Yes, right here in Reynosa."
"Huh." "You're not going to sell this stuff?"
"No."
"You're not going to leave Reynosa with it?"
"No."

He asked us to open up the back and asked me what was in the violin and guitar cases - lol - no guns, (Mom, lol means "laugh out loud") - I really do play music. After that he asked to see the front where my dog was and I told him that I had a dog.

"I have all her papers and her international certificate of health here for you, would you like to see?"
"Nahhh."
*Blink* (in my head, no EFFING WAY ! I paid a lot for those PAPERS!! SHHHIIIIIIIIT)
(To C.) "Do you have any electronics, t.v.'s?" (not allowed to bring them in the country)
"Yeeeaaahhhh, for our house."
"You're not going to sell them?"
"No."
"Okay." "Go ahead."

And that was it. We just stood there for a second in amazment and he had to kind of shoo us away and out of our daze. My god after all the worrying and praying and almost worrying ourselves sick reading about the crazyness about what it's like to get your things accross the border and all you have to go through - that was it.

Basicaly we had a shit-load of stuff, it was late, the guy was talking with his friends and he just plain didn't feel like going to all the trouble of follwing the rules. Pure. Mexico. Slightly scary as we could have had ANYTHING packed in there beyond his view, but luckily for the country the scariest thing I brought in were my Stephen King books. And some old busted underwear - you know all your draws aint pretty bitches - but that's a story for a different day.

We drove to our new home, unloaded everything, I went back to TX to get my car and my cats, came back, got PASSED again - and this time didn't even get a second look. Good thing I got all those important kitty cat health papers. Good heavens. Ah well, at least the bastards won't be dying on me.

My first 3 minutes in Mexico and it pretty much sums up the country. Insane? Corrupt? I like to think of it as laid back.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Made It !!

HHHHIIIIIII !!!!!! YOU GUYS I'VE MISSED YOU !!!

I'm in Mexico !! Ahhhhhhhhhh EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

That about covers how I feel. That and OMG holy SHIT I'M IN MEXICO !!


OMG


Ok, ok.

So I've been here for..... 8 days. I'm just now not getting lost trying to get 3 miles to the border to cross into TX and back -my GAWD who ever came up with Mexicos street system was retarded. Actually I think they just made a street and stareted adding on other streets at random strange places whenever the need for one sprung up. It's insane but I'm getting it.

Crap crap and tripple crap, I'm at a cyber cafe - we won't get internet till I get a job - hopefully soon ! - and I've spent the last hour catching up with a friend and doing e-mail and now my hour has run out and I've got to scoot but I will be back SOON !!

OMG I've got like a thousand things to tell you !!! SHIT !!

ACK gotta vamos !

XOXOXO's

- Lindy in Mexico !