Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Milestones

My second ultrasound kinda sucked. The baby is fine but I came away a little worse for wear, but not bad.

The second one is the BIG one where they show you everything and tell you if it's a boy or girl, give you pictures, all that good stuff.

Mine started off normal with the nurse taking my blood pressure, talking about vitamins and making the usual medical rounds. And then she decided to speak her mind or ... something, out of knowhere - BAM !

"You know you're having a sonogram today don't you?"

"Yes! It's exciting!"

"And nobody came with you? What, nobody CARES that you havea baby growing in you or WHAT??" "Nobody could be bothered to come with you?"

She said it all in this disgusted tone that didn't really leave me an opening to even explain. And I didn't want to explain, I shouldn't have HAD TO explain. I was so flabbergasted and shocked - I went from carefree and happy and looking forward to this to crushed in all of 2 seconds, and all I could stammer out was "Well, sometimes people just can't come."

She snorted and thankfully went silent.

She's an O.B. nurse hasn't she ever seen someone ALONE before? What the fuck is so wrong with her that she would have to DO that to me? Does every person with a sonogram come in with a ton of people? What about people in this world who don't HAVE anyone?

For shit sake I'm at least lucky enough to have family and a husband. But yeah, I live 26 hours from home and my best friend and my Mom can't exactly drive down to meet me at the doctor and my husband is sort of DEPORTED and can't cross the fucking border to come and be with me and I haven't made any friends here and feel like a piece of shit enough - how about THAT
bitch!?

That woman is a waste of space. What if I were a victim of rape or someone who was keeping the pregnancy a secret or was going to give up the baby for adoption? Do those people need to be feeling-fucked too? Fucking Idiot. Fucking Moron.

I just sat there in silence, dumbfounded and feeling emotionally beat down until the OB came. She and the sonogram lady have enough sense to keep their damn mouths shut.

I'm not looking forward to the conversation when my OB and I actually DO discuss the whole event of giving birth. Even though she's really cool I don't want to see the look on her face when I have to tell her that I'll be driving to the hospital by myself and giving birth all by myself. I'm too nervous to ask if they'll let me leave after the standard 2 day stay, by myself. I'm afraid that they'll say I have to be with someone.

I want to ask about child birth classes but I've never seen a class on t.v. that didn't have couples of SOME type. I don't want to show up alone with my pillow and look like the sad dejected girl with something so wrong with her that she has to be alone. And I don't want to explain my situation like a circus freak and have strangers feel sorry for me and pity me.

From the very beginning the whole thing was clear to me and I knew that I'd just do what I gotta do. It's only 2 days out of my life and the baby's life, it's not the end of the world and I pride myself on being brave. People give birth like every second of the day, it's not like it's... (a big deal.)

I should feel lucky, and I guess I do. There are people in the world that are infertile and would give ANYTHING to have a baby of their own. I'm lucky enough to have medical care and to be able to have my doctor in the U.S. and not Mexico. I have a healthy baby so far and a husband that is crazy in love with her already.

It's just hard sometimes and I get to crying about it like a big baby and feeling all sad. And on grand days like today I remember that Chino and I didn't even get to have a real wedding, no family no friends like I had imagined for so long. I wanted my mom to cry and my Dads to give me away. And now I have to give birth alone.

These things are just milestones set up by society to be important and herald as THE MOST IMPORTANT DAYS OF YOUR LIFE, I just need to let them go, screw society and it's important dates. Sometimes you just have to DO things

I need to cherish when I'm alone at night with my husband and he declares that he's going to go to sleep with the baby. Last night he scooted on down the bed and put his head squished up against by belly to be with Daisy and threw his arm around my back and declared "Oooo and I gedt de boody too." And later in the night when I woke up and started feeling sorry for myself all I had to do was find him in the dark and nestle myself up to him to feel love and relief. Can't that be enough? I need that to be enough.

13 comments:

jenny said...

Awww, plus with all your hormones going crazy, you're emotional and the slightest thing will set you off. That was so harsh for the nurse to say that to you. She needs to mind her own business. Some people just have no tact. I've had some sucky nurses and a bitchy OB-GYN, but the important thing is you and the baby come out alright in the end.

I wish I could be there for you and hold your hand and help coach you when you go through your labor. But you are absolutely right, SOCIETY tells us certain things are special and blow things out of proportion. And I know Chino is *GUTTED* that he can't be there with you.

Those child birth classes are not what they are cracked up to be. They just show a (an outdated)video on a lady having a baby with an epidural and another lady without an epidural. Then they gave you papers for eating healthy and what to do if you you have (fill in the blank) symptoms.

You have any baby questions, ask me! I'm a pro by now!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

*feet shuffle* Thanks Jenny. You Do know a thing or two about havin babies right? :) So by outdated video do you mean the lady having the baby has a gigantic bush? :P (sorry I can't stay sad and serious for long) You had a bitchy OB? Oh my lawd I couldn't stand that! They are so important! If you don't mind I might for REAL ask you some pregnant/birth/baby questions. I'm gonna think of a few. Thank You again :)

~ellen~ said...

Oh, Lindy. You are so brave! You're my hero.

And you are so right about society talking you into thinking certain things are important. You know what's important, you just need to remind yourself sometimes.

I wish I could be there to hold your hand, too. If it helps, you will have one chick over in FL that'll be thinking about you, and wishing you well, and sending you lots of healthy happy strong hero vibes!

Krissie said...

Well... get yourself an iPhone and I'll totally chat you through it.

I'll start practicing now: Aaaand breathe... hee hee hoo hoo... How am I doing?

Seriously, fuck them. In Cro no one makes such a huge production of a birth. Women go to their regular check-ups on their own all the time. Whatever, Hor. And I mean, yeah, people go to hospital but the whole Daddy-in-the-delivery-room isn't exactly common, and guess what? EVERYONE LIVES! Besides, besides!, you are YOU! You're, like, the bravest and most awesome person I know and if there's anyone who can TOTALLY DO THIS ALONE, it's you.

Have I ever lied to you? Exactly.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Ellen - You remind me of my Mom :P That's a good thing btw. :) She's always sending me "good vibes." And you're right, I should remind myself what's important more often, maybe I'll make a poster or something :P A sign on the bathroom mirror? Lord knows I spend enough time in there :P

Krissie - Lord no, you're painfully honest and I like that about you. So really though?? Like, in the big C. it's not common for the man to be in the delivery room? Well damn. In the US it's practicaly mandadtory these days and I was all FREAKED out when they told me that here in Mexico the husband is actually NOT ALLOWED to be in the room. (just what the hell mexico??) "Everyone lives" I totally want to say amen to that btw. It's all good.
:P

Sgt said...

I would have totally told her that as soon as they find the rapist, I'll ask him to come to my next visit.

That should provide both a good laugh for you and maybe some self reflection for her.

The OB Nurse gave my wife crap when I couldn't make it to one of the ultrasounds too. Besides, they just want extra people to sit there and look dumbfounded as they swirl around a screen staring at black and white sploches as they say "ok.. there is the arm... and here is the nose" and its obvious its nothing but a smudge on the screen.

jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sgt. !!! HIIIII!!!! EEEEEEEEE!!!!!! LOL! You made me giggle aloud and my husband next to me on the couch wanted to know what was so funny. :P You're the bestest!! I'm sorry about your wifes experience, what is it with these people? Isn't thier job supposed to be a happy one? Maybe it's all the untamed bushes and unshaven legs :P

Jenny - Bwwwaaaaahahahahahha OMGOMGOMGOMG ! I'm actually about to do a post about some bush wacking :P And Medicaid!!! YES those bastards! I actually left the first practice because they treat medicaid patients like second class citizens, asswipes. I can't believe someone would be mean to you because your deaf though, that's so screwed up it's insane, but I imagine you've had to deal with it, there are all kinds of people out there. You should have hubby take a pic of you chopping of chicken heads and hand it out to people who would be mean to you for that, short of kicking thier ass at least you can freak them the shit out. Thank you for the email, I saved it and, well just THANK YOU becuase sometimes I have wierd shit go through my head and think "IS THIS NORMAL???? And there's nobody to ask in english (and I don't want to have Chino translate some things, it's just wierd!)

Blogget Jones said...

You know, the insensitivity of some people just wrecks me. I hate that. My sister was an unwed, teenage mother. When the nurse gave her an enema at the hospital, she commented on my sister's unwed status and filled the enema with scalding water. WTF, right??

I'm sorry you've been treated like that. find a way to push it off of your joy, though. You'll only do this with Daisy once, so cherish it all and don't let some ninny take it away from you!

And those sweet moments with hubby? Cherish those, too! So many don't get that....

:o) BJ

jill said...

I went to all my appointments alone so I know what you mean....but it's true, you're having a BABY (YAY) so don't let those fuckers get you down. You're going to do great!

Crystal said...

Poor thing! I have been fortunate to have good doctors and nurses during my pregnancies. I can't believe she said something like that. You should have reported her. That was mean. So you are going to have your baby in the US? What if you go in labor in mexico?? I hope you have a better visit next time.

Suki said...

Awww... :hug:
Whatta bitchy nurse!

Hugs and many good wishes.

Oh, and save up SGT's suggestion, dunno when it might come in useful :D

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Jill you too? Geez louise you'd think I'm a freak of nature in that place but apparently I'm not the only one. Thank You!

Crystal - Yes, God willing it will be in the U.S. If I go into labor in Mx then I'll leave a lot earlier then a regular lady would so I'll have enough time to cross the border and get to the hospital. I just need to hope I'm not one of those women the pop out a baby in an hour or less!

Suki - I'm for real going to write it down and put it in my purse (I'm not good at being snappy on a whim but I can pull it out and read it!)