Friday, August 28, 2009

Who Needs Drug Dogs?

Last week at the border I was had an interesting experience with a border gaurd. Interesting and. . . different.

I cross Mon - Fri in the early morning hours to get to my job and crossing the border is just a part of the daily routine. The border gaurds that have to question me range daily from asshole to respectful, wierd to normal enough. Last week I got my first. .. well I'm not sure what he was, maybe a freak or maybe just a dork, freaky dork perhaps.

I drove up to his booth and handed over my passport and he took it without saying anything, scanned it and looked at his computer screen. All-was-well this is what they do. But then he turned to me in my car and looked strangely at my passport. He looked really close at it (I thought what did I get chocolate on it? shit!) and then brought it up to his nose. And sniffed. Repeatedly, and he looked all serious about it.

Border gaurds are really into thier jobs and I was thinking "Damn is this dude smelling for drugs? Is there some baby powder or something that looks suspicous on there? CAN humans smell for drugs? I don't have anything illegal but this is scary just what in the HELL?"

At this point he had still not spoke to me and what could I do? I just stared at him while he turned it over and flipped through the pages. Finally he spoke.

"Heel-huck! This smells goood!"

"*blink*" "*stare*"

"UHhoool your passport I mean, it smells nice!"

He was grinning and kind of chuckling and really damn happy and I wasn't sure if he was embarrased or not AND I was so shocked I was still speechless.

"I mean, it's got your per-fume on it, it smells nice."

Finaly I spoke -

"Dude you were smelling my passport!"

Eloquent I know. I would normaly be shocked that I said such a thing to a border guard but hell he was laughing too and already telling me to pass and have a nice day.

He sniffed my passport. HE SNIFFED MY PASSPORT! If I were my passport I would feel violated.

That was the first day I ever wore that particular body lotion and I haven't worn it since, I feel it's just too potent. I'm saving it for my husband. Cuz damn.


jenny said...

Ah-hahaha! I'm surprised you aren't sensitive to perfumes while preggo. I couldn't wear my perfume when I was preg with all 4 and even now, my nose is so sensitive that I can't wear it anymore. I even bitch when the husband puts on aftershave! Poor guy has to splash some on right before he heads out the door to spare my poor 'lil nose.

But yeah, save the body lotion for Chino.. can't have any border gaurds following you home!

Krissie said...

Ahahhahahahahaha, seriously?

Shoulda said, "I'm pregnant, must be pheromones!"

Anyway. Ew, freak.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Jenny - The lotion is fine but just about everything else drives my nost flipping NUTS!! Nobody tells new pregos about that shit!

Krissie - Pheromones right?? Damn sniffin creep. Ah well he passed me fast enough and no searching. :P

Sunshine said...

Have you seen the guy with spots all over him? Like his skin is not hacking on his skin issue...just asking...he is fresh! He takes my passport on friday and looks at me and looks into the window...says.."you live around here?" WTH....uh...i live in Reynosa!
"Oh that's cross here often?" Like is this the best pick up line a border patrol dude can come up with! OMG..he didnt even run my passport of look at my tags....let me go...of course after i said...."cross here often...yes".