Hotel workers are not discreet. I think we're supposed to be, at least that's what I always assumed, but there was never any training on it and we sure as hell don't practice it. Case in point:
Dear really old dude who FORGOT his triangle-sex-position-pillow in his room and came back for it two days later. Thank You. We had a lot of fun making fun of the sex pillow back in the laundry room (it got some great conversations started) and when you came to claim it and we saw that you were old? Dude, you're famous.
If you're going to come in drunk at 2a.m. and proceed to have wild, monkey sex so loud that we can hear you on the second floor (it happens) the night worker is going to tell everyone the next morning the whole story and your room number so we can gawk at you. If you're a super slutty girl walking out of here at 7:30 a.m. in 4 inch heels and your clubbing dress the housekeepers and I will be tittering silently from behind the you-can't-see-us screen. We're not malicious or mean spirited but come on, it's the walk of shame and we're bored.
If you are a guest that stays often and you do any of the following -
*leave a ton of dirty condoms flung around the room
*come with a different "friend" each time
*leave the room with an odd rank smell
*leave drug paraphernalia
*are a super slob
*are an asshole
*are a bitch
You will be immediately MARKED and forever remembered by all that work here.
"Oh God that man-whore is coming in today, you know, the one that smells like curry all the time?"
"Hey the asshole from that drilling company is coming, you know the one that leaves water in the bath tub and throws his towels in it? Give him #113 the drain stopper is broke in that room and it won't hold water."
"OOooo that BEEOTCH business chick is coming - give her room 103, the phone doesn't work in that room."
"OH shit! It's STD guy, the one that left behind the crab-cream, tell the housekeepers to bring tongs for all the condoms he leaves behind and burn their uniforms when they get home."
And so on. We remember everything and if you're an asshole we'll try our best to fuck with you further. You want to throw a gigantic hissy fit and yell at the pregnant lady behind the counter because there is no coffee in your room? We'll never have coffee for you again - CHECK MARK goes next to your name and from now on it'll be "Oh I'm sorry sir, we've run out." Forever.
One more thing about assholes -
Dear Sir who comes in and insists on paying cash because "I don't want a paper trail." And says to me "I don't want to give you my e-mail address in case they're going to send me advertisements, I don't want a paper trail." "I'm going to give you my office address, are you SURE you won't send any "Thank You For Staying" letters? I don't want a paper trail" "I'm going to give you my office number, I don't want any phone calls home." OK ASSHOLE I GET IT, now wipe that smug smile off your face because you forget that I scanned your drivers license (with your real address) and maybe you didn't REALIZE that I saw you sneak that tramp in the side door. I'll be sending off a copy of your receipt to your home address post haste - don't be a cheating bastard. (Addressed to "Last Name Only" I wonder who gets the mail at home?)
If you're nice to me? Different story. If you treat me like a human being I will ALSO remember and I'll bend over backwards to be nice right-back-to-ya. I'll let you check in early without charging you, and if we need to do a room-change somewhere in the hotel I will search you out to give you an upgrade. I've even upgraded people because they didn't bitch and complain and bargain and fuck with me for 20 minutes over the NORMAL room fee. "Oh hey you know what? We're out of standard rooms, how about I put you in a suite for the same price?" I surprised one lady coming for her anniversary by giving her a jacuzzi room just because she was SO DAMN SWEET and nice and genuine on the phone. (my boss would roll over dead if knew I did any of these upgrades but he's an asshole so I don't care!)
1 day ago