Friday, September 25, 2009

I'm a Dirty Pervert

That's it, it's settled, I'm either disturbed or a pervert.

Yesterday morning in hotel-scary I was standing at the front desk minding my own business when a priest walked in the door. A real priest in the black outfit with the white collar and everything. I've never seen one in real life, only in movies, so when I reacted the way I did it was kind of a surprise.

He smiled at me - just one nice warm priest smile - and I melted right there on the spot thinking in my head "Hey Hey Haaayyyyyyyy! WHOOOO Lawwdy what a sexy man!" "MMMm mamma likes a man in a suit!" "Hey Priest! Chh Chhh SSssssss Preist! Priest! Over here!" "Where's my fan? I need a fan." "Sexy Muthah. . . " Aaaaand STOP.

WOW! I never knew that Clergy could send me over the perv deep end, but here we are. A group of previous grouchy-hateful-mean-old-ladies that gave me dirty looks and acted like I was going to steal their purses that morning when I brought them more coffee ran up to the priest miraculously transformed. All of a sudden they were glowing, smiling and fawning old ladies instead of beotches. I can't blame 'em of course, and who knows, maybe they could sense my oncoming priest perversion and that's why they were so rude to me.

He was only there for a few moments before taking the ladies off in a church van but those moments were enough to convince me to stay being a Protestant. Cuz damn, priests have enough trouble these days with kids, they don't need some crazy gringa comin' after 'em too. Lawwwwsi Mercy.

Hallelujah!

14 comments:

Upstate Broad said...

Have you considered that the roman collar had little or nothing to do with your attraction to the guy? I have this theory that everybody emits a sort of sexual energy. Some people emit on a wide range of frequencies and are sexually compatible with pretty much anybody, and others have a very narrow band width. But when you encounter somebody whose frequency matches your own, it's a very powerful thing. How many times have you seen a pair of people together and wondered "what in god's name does she see in him?" It's all about their energy. That's my theory anyway. I was raised and educated Catholic. I've met priests who make my skin crawl, and I've met priest I'd hop into bed with in a minute if they crooked their finger in my direction. But hey, that's me. Maybe you're just a perv.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Upstate - As much as I want to believe it's kooky - I actually totally agree with you! You NEVER know who it might be but every once in a while a man will come along that'll set me off like a roman candle. Crooked teeth, dirty, handsome or ugly. Young, old you just never know! NOW, the fun part will be explaining this to my fetus when she's born and of age. "Listen to mommy sweetheart, you can't settle for a man that's JUST nice and good to you and has it all together, no, he ALSO has to set you off like a bottle rocket upon first glance. Get it darling? Sweetie??" :p

Thank god my husband is a live wire or I'd be in trouble.

Sgt said...

Hmmm. I think my frequency needs adjusting. I seem to send everyone running..

Upstate Broad said...

Strangely enough, I was NOT drawn to my Big Guy that way initially. We went out only because we were pushed together by a pair of mutual friends. He was attracted to me, but I wasn't attracted to him until AFTER I slept with him the first time. And No, I have absolutely no idea what possessed me to sleep with someone I wasn't really drawn to that way, but almost 25 years later, I'm sure glad I did!

Refried Dreamer said...

Gringa, I got a sexy nun costume at the shop. You would be the first to put it to use!

When I met my hubby, I just wanted a booty call. Why it turned the way it did... I am still a bit baffled... but 8 years later, happy, nonetheless.

u let me know 'bout dat costume thing. haha....

Krissie said...

I bet I know what gave you that priest kink... ;)

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sgt. - Awwwwwww (and HII!!! It's nice to "see" you!!) it's ok Sgt. you've got your wife and you don't have to deal with a ton of temptations. :P Not great for the ego but hey, you keep it at home :)

Upstate - I'm sensing you call him "Big Guy" for a reason then. ( :PPPPP EEEE!!! I'm sorry it was too easy!) And it's ok, I totally get you, I dated an old dude once cuz I was bored but after he got me in the sack I kept coming back fo-mo. :P

Refried - :P My husbands not catholic so I'm guessing it would just weird him out. Now if you've got a preist get-up . . . Gaahhhh no, it's just wrong.

Karen said...

You were talking about strange pregnancy cravings, and there you have it. But I totally get ya on this one. Sometimes guys just have it.

And just had to tell you, the other night you had me crying I was laughing so hard picturing the border guard in shorts. Tried to translate for my hubby but I am just not as funny as you. He said "jjjmmm, piernas de pollo, jaja" but that was about it. I think gringas laugh a little more easily at border guards than deported Mexicans, huh? 'Cause I laughed almost as hard while I was telling him as I did while I read it.

Blogget Jones said...

It's your raging hormones, darlin'! Just blame it all on that :o)

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Karen - It's HARD to translate humor yes!!??? Someone who GETS it, Thank You!! :) Actually my own husband doesn't even understand my humor, too many figures of speech I guess :) And Thank You, I'm so glad you laughed! :)

Blogget - I've yet to use that excuse and it's almost 7 months - I need to get started! :P

Kellysmakeupandmore said...

You are crazy girl!...I bet there is NEVER a boring day at ur job...LUCKY!

gringa_mexi said...

I think I have to be honest and tell you that I dribbled pee today after reading your hilarious writings! You my girl can surely make one laugh. How DO you do it? I swear my hubby thinks I'm retarded when I'm on the computer.

jenny said...

I met a guy once, and there was instant attraction. I just KNEW i was going to fuck him at the end of the night. Sure enough, the party was winding down, people were heading out and I asked him straight up (yes I did!) if he wanted to fuck. You should have seen his eyes pop!

Long story short, it was a great 2 weeks, I used him as a "sex dummy" and tried out all those moves I heard or read about and had fun until he asked me to marry him and camped out in the back yard for almost a month. By then, the attraction wore off and I banged my head on the wall trying to figure out what the hell I saw in him. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Thank god he finally left!

A friend told me recently that she bumped into him and he asked about me.. was I married? He is married with 2 kids and he told her that if I was single, he'd dump the wife and go after me! Cripes!

Anyway... I understand the intense attraction. It happens, just make sure you go and bonk the hubby and not the priest! :o)

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Kelly - gotta make the best of it right? :)

Gringa-Mexi - We can be in a pee-dribble club together. :P But it makes me so happy that you laugh! Thank You!! :)

Jenny - I love your story! And damn he camped out for a month? Well damn girl you gave him the krazy-shit for two weeks! Of COURSE he was hooked! :P You're too cool Jenny, I love it when you share :)