I've always been accident prone and kinda ridiculously klutzy. I fall down a lot and I seem to have a hard time judging where my body is going in relation to doorways, walls, tables and even other people - I'm forever running into shit. To make dinner I must first drop whatever I'm taking out of the freezer, bonk my head on a cupboard door, drop 1/3 of the food in preparation and cooking and knock over at least one glass of water that I've been drinking that's been sitting on the counter. During dinner I'll knock over my water glass again, nearly tip my plate over, drop at least one utensil and FOR SURE leave a couple tablespoons of food on my shirt or in my lap.
I never watch where my feet are going so curbs, steps and miscellaneous objects laying on the ground (trees, car ramps, toys ect.) are all fair game to set me up for a tumble. I cut, burn or bruise on a daily basis and I'm ok with it. I'm used to all this, it's normal for me and I only think about it when people that don't know me - or do - get so flabbergasted that they have to say something. My ex's pet name for me was "clum." Jerk.
ANYWAYS - I was pretty damn nervous when I got pregnant, I thought there was no way I'd make it through 9 months without damaging myself and the baby repeatedly. PLUS the baby books say that prego's are more clumsy than normal and tend to drop things a lot more due to the loose ligaments. I was really crapping my pants when I read all that and the only thing that helped were the numerous reassurances in the baby books that say the uterus is like crazy-cushioned and can take falling down and even car accidents.
So, how has the super-clum done these past 31 weeks? Well, the super-clum got a miracle. Miracle is a tad extreme of a word but I haven't fallen down since I found out I was pregnant, and THAT is crazy-town. I can't for the life of me figure out what's happened but hey, beggars can't be choosy. My knees aren't even skinned up (insert dirty joke about how I haven't been getting laid.) Sure, there have been burns and cuts and I DO drop things more as of late, but to not fall down all the time really is kinda nice.
Ok, I had a point to all of this, I'm rambling, someone edit me, cut me off. Sheesh.
Last night I got up for a 2a.m. jaunt to the bathroom but instead of opening the bedroom door all the way and walking through like a normal human being, my brain told me to walk before the door was open all the way and I propelled myself full speed into not only the side of the door but the DOORKNOB. The doorknob jabbed strait into my gigantic baby-home-belly and I half keeled over with pain. And here is what I thought -
"OH my god! Bastard doorknob and stupid non-open door! SHIT. Oh God, Daisy. What if that just smashed in her head? What if I've maimed her so bad that her brain is swelling up? OH MY GOD I can't go to the doctor and tell them I walked into the DOORKNOB. That's something you ONLY hear about on T.V. when the poor battered woman or kid is trying to lie and not tell on Daddy for beating the shit out of them. DOORKNOB, GAWWD they'll never believe me! WHY am I retarded? Daisy? Are you there? Would you MOVE or kick or something PLEASE? Oh Jesus. The books say the uterus has a lot of cushion but she's getting big and what if her head was pressed up against that exact spot and I've bashed her head in? Oh god. MOVE Daisy, please don't be stunned and all brain damage-y. A doorknob! Nobody is going to believe that!"
And so on and so forth. She's back to moving like normal this morning so I at least know I didn't totally brain her. WHEW, for real.
Poor baby though, I still drop things like a mad-woman. I'm pretty sure I'll be too frightened to walk with her in my arms for quite a long while. When I'm standing-still I drop things strait to the floor but if I'm walking I tend to throw them so I can get my hands out to catch myself. I threw my pet frog into a wall once. He was fine, but he was a frog. Daisy doesn't have much of a chance with me unless I get another miracle. Maybe a sling. If I keep her in a sling all the time I can't drop her right? I can walk her INTO things and sqoosh her but at least I wouldn't drop her. Poor Daisy.