Thursday, October 8, 2009

Having an Ugly Baby

I went for an ultrasound yesterday and they did the 4-D scan thing. It let's you actually SEE the baby's shape - eye's, mouth, nose, lips and even little tiny fingers - it was pretty damn neat. To tell you the truth though I felt like I was cheating somehow. What generation before this one ever got to see their baby's FACE before it was born? Does this not feel like cheating to anybody else?

SO, here's the thing. Ummm. Shit. How do I say this? How does one say "My baby is ugly?" Don't hate on me people, you didn't see her nose. It's gigantic, my baby has a nose that's 2/5ths the width of her entire face. Huge. Gigantic. Flat and when they showed the side view it's even crooked over and down like a witches nose. She got my husbands nose. It's one of those big flat noses that came strait from the Aztecs and all I could do was stare at it.

I'm a freak I know. I was seeing my baby's face for the first time and all I could do was stare at her nose, speechless, and think "HOLY DAMN THAT'S A NOSE!"

I'll totally love her and her nose and I'll never tell her she's ugly so don't worry, I'm not THAT much of a psycho. I'll tell her she's unique. An individual. I'll tell her she has "interesting" features that set her apart from the common girls. I'll feed her so much bullshit she'll smell like a cow field and that's that.

Maybe she'll grow into it. That happens right? Wasn't Brooke Shields ugly when she was a kid? SOME people really do have interesting faces that aren't ugly. You know, like the kind that makes you do a double take and think "Huh. She's not ugly, she's just. . . different. . . like, kinda. . neato? Huh"

She's only 3 pounds right now maybe she'll grow into it by the time she's born.

I'm betting it's Karma. My Mom and I love seeing ugly babies. Most people think ALL babies are beautiful but we know better - some babies are just plain oogly - and we get the biggest kick out of it. If we see one on t.v. or in person we get all giddy, giggly and goofy and start making our little comments to each other. "OOoooo that's a good one, poor little thing. "giggle" Maybe she'll grow out of it. "Tee-hee." " "OhmygoddidyouSEE that baby? Jesus I wonder what the father looks like!?" It sounds horrible typing it out but it's all in silly fun and only with each other and we don't make fun of handicap babies or the truly deformed, nothing like that, we're not evil for God's sake.

In polite society we OF COURSE adhere to the rule that when speaking of someones baby to anyone other than ourselves that the baby is certainly 100% beautiful. Every baby I've ever viewed in the company of it's mother is just the cutest thing I've EVER seen. I'm not a monster.

But Karma sees all I guess and now I'll have to pay. I called my Mom yesterday to tell her and she told me "OHH NOOO, you're going to have a BEAUTIFUL baby, you and Chino couldn't make anything else! She's going to be just lovely. You'll see, just wait."

I've lost her.


gringa_mexi said...

I did the same damn 3D ultra sound and found out my daughter had the same "Mexican nose" as her daddy too. Even the sonographer was "nice enough" to point it out. I swear it took up her entire face and I vowed from that moment on that I would give her the option for a nose job if she hated it and never "grew into it" like my friends all said. But she came out and I took one look at her, and discovered that her nose is a lil big and definatly not my "Italian nose", but it fits her to a tee..
and PS please buy me some diapers, cuz I am soooo tired of wetting my pants when I read your writings!

~ellen~ said...

But all babies ARE cute, with their tiny little fingers and toes and their sweet round tummies.

I bet you will be surprised by how beautiful she is when she is born!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Gringa-Mexi - Bless you for your honesty! :) SO, it fits her? Okay, well then maybe it'll be fine. :P :)

Ellen- You're a sweetheart but you're one of "those people." The "all babies are cute" people, and in heaven you'll get a lot closer chair to Jesus than I will. :P Thank You :)

Vadose said...

My in-laws straight tell mothers that they have ugly babies. They're just totally upfront about that. It cracks me up but startles me too, since I thought that was an unbreakable rule. "Wow, he looks just like his father. Kind of an ugly baby, poor soul." Or "Too bad she's not pretty like her sister." Ha! Cruel!

Anyway, she'll grow out of it. She'll probably still be ugly when she's born, so just hold out until she's got a month or two of living to un-scrunch her face. That's why tv always has two month old babies posing as newborns. Newborns just aren't that cute usually.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Vadose - NO WAAYY!!!! OMG they REALLY say those things about babies!??? OH! That IS an unbreakable rule (in the presence of the family) Wow. Just, dang. Anyhoo. Their faces unscrunch? Really? Oh. Well I hadn't the slightest, that's good to know! :P Thank You :)

Anonymous said...

I never would have admitted it at the time, but I didn't think Maren was a terribly cute baby until she was about 6 months old. And Cooper? Cooper was an adorable baby, went through a not-so-cute toddler stage, and is now an average looking 4-year-old.

And now I am going to hell.

Leslie Limon said...

I had a 3D ultrasound with my 3rd child back in the States. It wasn't nice! The baby looked all squishy. I was worried, but when I gave birth, out popped the cutest little girl. I think those things make the babies look bad on purpose, so you'll be even happier when you see your child for the first time!

My father-in-law is like Vadose's in-laws. He will straight up tell people that they have ugly babies or kids. He doesn't care if the people are family, strangers or Hubby's customers!

Refried Dreamer said...

Hahaha.... my son had a beaner nose too in his ultrasound. He also had a head the size of a watermelon. To beat that, his head was so big, he came out all bruised up.... and seriously, looked PURPLE. He was, in fact, the ugliest baby I have ever seen. We laugh at it now... and his little nickname, Bubblehead, has finally worn it's welcome. He has now officially grown into it and turned from a purple people eater into a handsome little guero.

Some kids take longer than others. (Although, I still try to tape the kids' ears down...)

I'll meet you in hell.

Leah Flinn said...

My hubby's mother comments on ugly babies all the time and does not hold back telling the parents so. Seems to be more of a breakable rule in Mexico, but not something I'm comfortable with. Remember it's a camera shot, maybe the nose was enlarged a bit because of that.

Ritamg said...

I hate to let you in on the dirty, little secret of all new mothers, but... all babies, white or hispanic, are born ugly. With wrinkled skin they look like old people. Shortly after birth, my sons started to shed skin like snakes. Their heads are misshaped and, to top it off, their movements are spastic. My brother-in-law swore that his daughter was a frog when she was born. She had this big ol' belly with a couple of tiny legs dangling from it. Thankfully, all of this will go away and by the time they are 3 months old, they turn into cute babies. Unless the parents were beaten by an ugly stick.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

F & F - You are so not going to hell :P :) XOXOXO's :)

Leslie - These 3-D things are a bad idea right!? We have enough reasons as it is to worry when we're pregant. No more for me :) And REALLY? Your suegras tambien?? That's out of this world, who knew?

Refried - You made me chuckle out loud, thank you for that. :P Purple? Oh god, well, at least I'll know what's wrong if she comes out all discolored and I won't freak out as much. And dag gummit this is good thearapy, we are so not going to hell! :P

Leah - I take horrible pictures, maybe my baby does too???? :) And seeing the other Mexpats comments I guess you're right about the baby-rule over here. Wow though. I would still want my family to lie even if I know better :)

Ritmag - Well at least I'll know what to expect now. SHED THEIR SKIN??? Oh heavens. GAG. :P

Suki said...

I suppose it's going to be like newborn boys' penises. I can immediately think of someone who described his newborn as "5.5 pounds, 3.5 of which is all penis". But I don't think that ratio's gonna last forever, you know?

Much love,
- A big-nosed baby lover.

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

Gringa, I was the fugliest baby you'll ever see. My nose was squashed over to one side and I had two inches of blonde hair... in a ring around my head, bald on top, like Friar Tuck. F.U.G.L.Y.

I was an adorable kid and folks seem to think I'm kind of attractive now... unless they're lying. OMG. Maybe they're lying? Aahhhhhh!!! I hope I'm not still fugly.

I haven't been blogging lately because they cut me off from it (replies or posting but not reading) at work. By the time I get home, I don't even want to be near a computer. However, I'm going to try to do some updating and posting this weekend. If I do, I'll post some pictures of me as a fugly baby and some as a kid, too, so you can see it's not permanent.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Suki - Heavens you make me smile :) Bless You. :)

Ima - A George Castanza baby??? :P OH! That's too awesome :P !! I was bald till I was 2 so I'm thinking this baby doesn't have much of a chance. Gaaahhhh I know what you mean about getting home and wanting nothing to do with the computer! If I'm too busy at work to get anything done here then it's just OVER. I have all these grand ideas for posts all through the day and am totally inspired - till I get home and see the couch. Game Over. ;)

Krissie said...

You may have lost your mother but I'm still here to agree on ugliness of babies. Even yours, just as promised. I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!

a Proverbs wife said...

note to self: next baby, do NOT get 3d or 4d ultrasound imagining done. no matter HOW neat it is.

just to think, my hubs had gone to prison like right after i got pregnant and as a gift i was going to have a 4d ultrasound done and send it to him *he's never seen that sort of thing before*, and lo and behold...i couldn't afford it.

thank God for small blessings lmao. ida been peed off had i seen an ugly baby in vitro LOL.

but she was born beautiful *of course* so i should have done it *hindsight is 20/20*.

next baby i'm not taking a chance. HOWEVER...hubby is latino but not mexican so he doesn't have that hook nose phenomenon going on...

nah...i ain't doing it!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Krissie - I knew you'd be there for me. :P

Proverb - I wouldn't do it again. It's just not right anyways, we're not SUPPOSED to see our baby's face till it comes out.

I've drawn the line on technology.

I'm old now aren't I?

Sparx said...

The spud's 4-d was truly disturbing.. you gotta remember that the baby isn't staying still for the shot so every move she makes comes up like a 3-D blur. He had such a hooter in the womb that the staff actually laughed (the frog has an ENORMOUS schnoz). When he was born, shockingly he had the perfect baby-button-skoi-jump nose. Even now I look at it daily, expecting that one day it will just pop out, that it's lurking in waiting just under his skin!

I'm sure your baby won't be more ugly than other babies and will end up just as cute as you. If not then you have my sympathies - nose or not, I did give birth to a potato...

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sparx - I thought maaaaaayyyybe it could have been blured, but the rest of her face was fine I think so I dropped that hope :P But you're right, maybe she'll come out just fine :) LOL btw, I love potatoes so much that whenever you speak of "spud" I think "MMmmmmmmmm Spuuuuddddsss" :P I would be blessed to give birth to a potato like yours :)

La Familia Garcia said...

This is soo funny! I was freaked out too!! My son's USD looked like he was "enojado" and that nose....Thankfully I gave birth to the most beautiful baby and his nose fits nicely! I know that'll be the case with your dear baby! My hubby calls me momma possum though. Have you heard that one? It's an old tale that his mom used to tell him.