Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Mexico: Come for the Sex, Not the Chocolate

It's hard to find decent chocolate in Mexico. And by decent? hell I'm only talking Hershey's, sorry my dark chocolate Godiva friends (w-suuuup Upstate and Refried!) it's just not happening here. They might have Hershey's kisses in the grocery store but most of the stuff you get here is all made out of this weird waxy-lame chocolate. Not quite as bad as holiday chocolate candy - you know, like the gold coin chocolates *shudder* but not great either.

I think they make it so waxy and retarded because it's hot as hell down here and will melt otherwise. We have to keep any good chocolate in the fridge or it'll puddle in 15 minutes or less.

I got some of this Ghirardelli Lux MILK chocolate (with almonds) the other day over in Texas though. The weather has cooled down here (I'm so grateful I could pee my pants) and I can risk transporting some home now. One of you mentioned that they make milk chocolate and not just dark so I went looking for it.

The verdict? I give up. I have poor taste and I need to except it and move on. YES it was good, it was fine and normal people would probably be in love with it - it was smooth as could be, not too sweet and had plenty of nuts. But? But I like my chocolate grainy and too sweet and with just enough nuts to make you wish there were more and piss you off that there are not - Hershey's with Almonds. End of story. Sometimes we just have to except who we are.

SO! Ladies? Ladies I warn you if you move to Mexico it won't be for the gourmet chocolate, and not even the Hershey's, it will be for something more. (Well duh.) What I was thinking though is that if you're the type to supplement sex - or lack of good sex - with chocolate, you're gonna run into a problem.

If you move down to Mexico to be with your man you had BETTER be getting some good assed sex. The kind where HE'S movin on down too and doesn't come up for air till he's gasping and needs a hand towel before he can kiss you. (I'm sorry, graphic? TMI?? You'll get that here sometimes.) There's no reason to leave behind your family, friends and career if you're not gettin some YYOOWWWWZA. You're not gonna get your endorphins from the chocolate here, don't even try.

You're solita? Bring the batteries. Just a warning.


Ritamg said...

Milka bars at HEB. I know they sell them at HEB on Shary and Exp. 83. Milka is German chocolate and much better than Hershey or Godivas. I hate Dove. They taste like wax. So if you ever see Milka bars, buy them immediately. They are hard to find. Unfortunately HEB doesn't sell the rasberry yogurt filled Milka bars like they do in Germany, but they do sell the milk chocolate and creme filled chocolate bars.

Ritamg said...

P.S. I am playing hooky from work. I tried to bake brownies last night. My "repaired" oven doesn't heat sufficiently to warm buns, let alone bake brownies. Then I tried to wash my hands. No water. And this morning? No hot water. The pilot light went out again. Maintenance man from the school just showed up and had a helluva time lighting the water heater. I may be a spoiled bitch for doing this but I am not going to school until the water is hot enough to shower.

Sgt said...

I thought Mexico was filled with great chocolate. I guess I was fooled by watching Dora the Explorer. Her grandmother had a chocolate tree in her yard. Then again, it did sing and dance.. I guess that should have clued me in that it wasn't real.
"Bate, bate, choc-o-late"

@Ritamg: that's not spoiled, that's courtesy. If only more people stayed home when they know they haven't showered. Nothing worse than walking by someone here at work and feeling like I need a shower now!

BTW, sounds like you have a gas line issue. Pilot lights going out, stove not working... Hopefully it isn't a leak in your home.

Sunshine said...

ohhhh, LMAO!!!!.....well somedays I think a set of batteries would settle me enough than dealing with all the sheeza the other way around!
And downtown....what's that? Man...that's how he got me! Now that he's got me...I think he's forgotten how to get downtown! KWIM??? Hello...I can help you find your way back....follow me senor!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Rita - Milka? Reeaaaaaally?? I will check that out you betta believe it! :) I totlly agree about the Dove btw. Gaaahhh your Apartment! LOL I hope they get it together today :)

Sgt. - I think the whole chocolate thing STARTED here something with the aztecs and drinking it but they've overprocessed it a tad these days. YUCK, plus any "Traditional Mexican Chocolate" that you come across will totally have cinnamon in it. No Thank You. :P

Sunshine - Cold showers AND nothing down town? That man needs to be bonked upside the back of his head I swear. My husband got me by opening my car door all the time and that too has stopped - punk - but if he neglected my lady flower all bets would be OFF. You're this neato brave total-woman empowered kinda lady I suggest channeling some of that energy and bad-assed-ness into a little NUDGE in the right direction for hubby. You know, something sublte, like grabing his hair and saying "Lick my penocha beotch." Men are dense so that's subtle. :P

Vadose said...

bwahahaha! Subtle!

Notice that most of what you get down here is "chocolate flavored" - not even chocolate.

My friend just brought me splendor - Gringa, you'd hate it! It's the height of chocolate snobery, TCHO, but so damn good it almost makes up for my hubby staying out with the boys almost every night this week. Almost, anyway.

On Mexican Time said...

hehehe - this is funny... penocha was the first word I learnt after cerveza...seriously! Brings back funny memories!!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Vadose - "Chocolate flavored" BWAAAAA that's for real true! :P

O.M.T. - My first word was "Caca." LOL it's funny what we gravitate tword in the beggining. :P

Sunshine said...

Ok...so this is what just happened..."hubby...what does penocha mean?"...hubs responds.."pa?"..."yes...penocha..what is pa?" i'm asking....he says "pussy"....LMAO! I'm cracking up..ok i got a new one on him mama! Gracias!

Refried Dreamer said...

In fact, there's chocolate flavored essence for your panocha to get him in the mood!


Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sunshine - HHHAAAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG OH I'm gonna peeeeeeeee. Girlie we gotta get you some more Spanish, that's too funny! :) So did he ask WHY you were asking?? :P

Refried - "Essence" Non real-chocolate bastards. My esposo wouldn't be too thrilled with chocolate, do they have it in chipotle? :P

Sunshine said...

Bwahhhhhhh...i love that word..just love it.....get this...he doesnt even ask why im asking him this??? Awwww my gawdddd! He truly has no freaking clue! What is up w that!...I blogged about it!

Refried Dreamer said...

no chipotle, but believe it or not, I have tequila flavor!!!

spread the love!