Monday, October 5, 2009

Gringa With a Nightstick

My friend and co-worker back home made this for me about 3.5 years ago when I had my very first one and only stalker. It's an axe handle that broke off one day at work that he so smartly drilled out and filled with lead and black-taped to hide the evidence. I was complaining that the price of bats were too much for my cheap ass and this is what he came up with.

Pretty cool right? Did you guess that Frankie's a Mexican? Actually he was my best friend for the 4 years I worked there and one night when he took me to a Mexican bar he dropped me like a sack of potatoes off on some guy he said was "cool" and "safe" so he could go chat up a hor. I thought the random guy was cute and he could speak some english so it was ok, I was always rooting for Frankie to get laid.

Little did I know he dropped me right in front of my future husband. I met Chino in a bar. I find that to be so humiliating and cliche, but what can I do? Leave that part out! We tell everyone we met through a "mutual friend," which IS the truth, just minus the bar part. Gawwd.

Shit, anyways, moving on. A few weeks ago I moved my rib-crusher from our house to my car as I was a tad paranoid about the whole Mafia thing. What I failed to remember in doing so is that I cross the border twice a day and such an object might not be considered undesirable.

I never even thought about it till last week when I received a secondary inspection by U.S. Customs. Secondary is when they take you to the side and REALLY inspect and go through the nooks and crannies of your car and ask you 100 questions. Actually, for me it wasn't that bad, the 4 guys searching my car all recognized me and pretty much left me be while they did a small search. It was the last guy left that noticed my lil weapon next to the passenger seat.

I saw him pick it up and thought "Oh shit. No I didn't. Shit. Shit. CRAP." After he picked it up he just held it, blinked at it, stared at it, blinked again and put it back, never asking one question. All I could think was "No fuckin way, that dude is cool!" He told me to have a nice day, and that was that. I'm still really surprised but maybe he just "gets it." Who knows.

I didn't have another thought about it till today when I got inspected by the soldiers on the Mexican side of the border. This guy picked it up immediately and I thought "Ruh-Row." He didn't speak any English but we did ok with my lil Spanish. He held it up and stared at it a while smiling and then making motions of bashing someones head in and asked my "Why?" I was shitting so all I could do was tell the truth and said "Security!" He shook his head at me laughing, told me I didn't need it, but put it back where he found it and told me to have a good day. No jail! No confiscation!? Cool dude yo.

If someone tries to kill me I'm damn well going to try and kill them first. Fair's fair damn it.


Sgt said...

In most places, there are no regulations against having blunt items. Now if that had the axe head attached, you might have had issues and not the kind that lands you in padding rooms with white clothes.

I did have a police officer give me a hard time about having a tee-ball bat in my car. I just told him I was an avid tee-ball player. He recommended the trunk for storing my {airquotes}sports{airquotes} equipment.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sgt. - That's cool, maybe it was just where I was from back home, up there they would get a tad pissy. Texas DOES seem to be a little more. . lax in the weapon dept. :P

Upstate Broad said...

I told you the Customs guys would be cool once they got to recognize you. Curious as to how you ended up in secondary, though.

And in spite of the fact that I'm a terrific markswoman, I'm not comfortable having a loaded gun sitting around my bedroom. But I needed something to feel secure with the Big Guy away on business so much. So I caught a good end-of-season sale at a sporting goods store and keep a Louisville slugger beside my bed.

Ritamg said...

You go girl! It's funny I read your blog AFTER making a comment on mine wishing I had an aluminum baseball bat to use as a walking stick with my Daisy Dog.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Ritmag - The first inspector man said it popped up on his computer as a a "routine random inspection." Who knows, but I've been crossing for nearly a year now so I guess it had to happen sometime. And I'm WHITE and a female crossing all by herself at 6a.m. out of Mexico - I might be a TAD suspicious :P Aren't bats great?

Ritamg - We gotta get that mace.

Upstate Broad said...

Yeah, I believe it. When I was doing cargo, the computer used to spit out the occasional Random Examination, so it makes sense that they'd have something similar. And you CAN'T ignore a Random, there's no override function for those.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Upstate - It's all good, I allow extra time for what ever might happen down there and these days they treat me decent. Plus, they're just doing their job, and judging by the crazy amount of drugs they pull in EACH WEEK that I hear about on the news (and that's just THIS location) they've got to be doing someting right. :P :)

Chris Allin said...

I just started following your blog for a little insight on Méxican life. What have I learnt today? Blunt weapons are fine, good to know.

I'm moving to México in two weeks and I am really looking forward to the random, crazy adventures that seem to come with living there. I hope I do not find any problems with government officials however, that could end badly being a guy.

Krissie said...

You're a little bit scary, you know that?

Crystal said...

the guy on the mexican side really did not have to ask why?? I mean common sense, right? Hello I am pregnant.

Brittany Y Gerson said...

I have one of those sticks also .. mine from an ole leg on a table that my grandpa and dad made like 38 years ago , and filled with lead as well . wow thats cool .. Since Im just commenting and you have no idea who I am . I will introduce my self . Im brittany from Georgia Im 24 and with a Hondureno man he is an idiot most the time but I love him been with him for 6 years almost ..anyways I found your blog read some and started at the beginning and have gotton this far , Ive been reading it off n on for 3 days now and I love it !!!