Just look at that color. Beautiful.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Just look at that color. Beautiful.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
When I went into the bathroom I heard a couple more explosions and some weird firework sounding noises and realized that they were coming from next door. I was pissed that the neighbors would be lighting off such gigantic fireworks at 3:30 in the a.m. I put on some clothes to go outside and give them dirty looks and wave around my pregnant belly.
Surprise!! NOT fireworks. The neighbors car was engulfed in flames. I stood there and stared for a bit in disbelief, it's not every day you see a car on fire. I'm kicking my ass now for not taking a picture but damn, I was a little freaked. When I came to my senses I realized that there was nobody around, nobody else had woke up or cared to come outside so I did my neighborly duty and went to wake up my husband so HE could go tell the neighbors. Sometimes it's great being the wife.
Chino went outside and stood staring in awe for a moment before I started freaking out on him to get a move on because the car had already exploded like 3 times and I was afraid the gas tank would go like in the movies and he would get torn to bits. He woke the neighbors, they said they'd call the fire dept. and he came back to our house for me to drag him inside where he'd be safe. We stared out the window watching it explode a few more times (neato) and burn to the ground. (Yes, because if you're waiting for a big explosion it's nice and safe to hide behind GLASS.) It's AMAZING how fast a car on fire goes from CAR to RUBBLE by the way. It was pouring melting on-fire plastic to the ground, the tires blew up and the rubber burnt clean away to nothing right before our eyes.
I asked Chino if a car can just be hanging out and then all of a sudden be a raging inferno all by itself and he tried to assure me that yes, they can catch on fire sometimes. 3:30 in the a.m. is a rather ominous time for a car to decide to just up and combust as far as I'm concerned and when I first saw it it was on fire at the front of the car, in the trunk and all four tires but nothing in the interior. Why would the tires have been on fire if it was just the engine? And would it have spread to the trunk from the front of the car without going in the interior? Maybe, what do I know, I'm just a tad paranoid these days.
My neighbors seem like regular folks, working, kids, complaining about the other neighbors and I'm pretty sure it's not a drug house but who knows. Arson doesn't seem like a big pastime here anyways, normally people would just steal your car, not burn it to the ground.
We went back to bed but I was waiting for the fire truck sirens and their knock at our door to question us, that both never came. When we woke for the day an hour and a half later there was a big puddle and the flames were dead so someone must have put it out, I just don't know who. They're not much for investigating here anyways so maybe the firemen DID come?
I'm sending Chino back over there when we get home today for a little Q & A. He won't want to go but if I get huffed up and say "FINE, I'll go myself, now, how do I say. . . " After asking him how to say 3 or 4 things and giving him the I'm-a-poor-pregnant-white-girl-and-you're-making-me-go-by-myself look, he'll give in and go his damn self. :P Like I said, sometimes it's cool being the wife.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
What's going to happen to me in another 2 1/2 months as these bitches continue to grow? Am I going to have to buy playtex 18 hour bras? I don't want to do that, somebody tell me I don't have to because those things come in a BOX and you can't even SEE them or try them on before you buy them. What's the deal do they have leprosy? I don't want a lepor bra. Why can't I at least touch it before I buy it?
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Did I mention these are BEER stores?
DRIVE THRU BEER stores?
Here in Mexico you can also send your child - any age - to go and buy beer, and nobody askes questions. That blows my mind! A kid or teenager can go to the liquor store and get what ever they want.
But maybe it works? In Chino's family they don't really drink, maybe someone will bring a 6-pack to share (with like 20 people) and they'll make these funky beer-bloody-mary things with it, but nobody's interested in getting drunk. And the younger family members in their early 20's? They don't drink at all! I figured that his single male cousins would be drinkers but hell, they've got other things to pay for and beer just isn't on the list. Maybe his family isn't the norm - I sure as hell don't know everyone here - but at least I'm happy.
Daaaiiiissyyy!! OH DAISY FETUS! After you're born and you can crawl, mommy's sending YOU for Margaritas! :P
Friday, September 25, 2009
Yesterday morning in hotel-scary I was standing at the front desk minding my own business when a priest walked in the door. A real priest in the black outfit with the white collar and everything. I've never seen one in real life, only in movies, so when I reacted the way I did it was kind of a surprise.
He smiled at me - just one nice warm priest smile - and I melted right there on the spot thinking in my head "Hey Hey Haaayyyyyyyy! WHOOOO Lawwdy what a sexy man!" "MMMm mamma likes a man in a suit!" "Hey Priest! Chh Chhh SSssssss Preist! Priest! Over here!" "Where's my fan? I need a fan." "Sexy Muthah. . . " Aaaaand STOP.
WOW! I never knew that Clergy could send me over the perv deep end, but here we are. A group of previous grouchy-hateful-mean-old-ladies that gave me dirty looks and acted like I was going to steal their purses that morning when I brought them more coffee ran up to the priest miraculously transformed. All of a sudden they were glowing, smiling and fawning old ladies instead of beotches. I can't blame 'em of course, and who knows, maybe they could sense my oncoming priest perversion and that's why they were so rude to me.
He was only there for a few moments before taking the ladies off in a church van but those moments were enough to convince me to stay being a Protestant. Cuz damn, priests have enough trouble these days with kids, they don't need some crazy gringa comin' after 'em too. Lawwwwsi Mercy.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
*Giant Disclaimer Over*
Last night (did you do it? did you say it 5 times as fast as you can? I totally just did it - anyways, ok) while I was waiting to go pick up Chino from work I was sitting on the couch dinking around with my blog and I noticed that all of a sudden it turned dark outside. I peeked my head out the door expecting rain but was surprised by a dust storm! A REAL one! Coooool. We don't have those where I come from so I thought it was neato. I went outside to take a picture though and got sand blasted in my eyes and it actually hurt the bare skin of my legs! Who knew?
It started to rain so I came back in the house to get a poncho so I could go out and bring all of my plants in out of the rain. I'd leave them out but they would all wash away when it starts to flood. Coming out of the extra room with my poncho, our front door slowly started to open up all on it's own. I was alone and immediately freaked out and assumed someone had come to "get" me.
In the split second before I realized that it was just the wind - because I didn't latch the door all the way - I went into some sort of crazy survival mode and decided that I would kill whoever was coming after me - with the poncho.
Honest to god I thought in my head "I'll wound 'em with the poncho." It was still in it's plastic bag and the edge was plasticy-sharp. Kinda. Not really. Two images flashed through my head, beating the man with the poncho - and after realizing that wouldn't work - slashing at his throat with the poncho. I even went so far as to test the heft of the package and do a practice mini-swing to get the feel of it.
*Kramer crazy freak out exasperated dance*
Gaahhhh. After my split second of 15 different thoughts I finaly realized that duh, it was just the wind blowing in the door.
"Oh." . . .
"Sorry Poncho, not today."
Ah well, at least I know that in a bind I can be a helluva bad-ass - or at least convince myself that I am. And maybe it would be a good idea to wear the Mace my step-mom talked me into buying - around my neck. That way I can spray down the door if it scares me again. That'll teach it.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
This morning at work when I usually post my daily post (except Sunday) I was rudely interrupted by the fact that my boss sent a new employee for me to train. I had to put my laptop away and teach her stuff and throughout the ENTIRE day I flipped out again and again because I didn't post on my blog.
Halfway through the day I had a talk with myself reassuring myself that it would be O.K. that I wouldn't be deserted over one day gone during the week and to CALM THE HELL DOWN. I read bloggers that only post once every week or two weeks and I don't forget about them.
And yet? I drove home debating whether I should post my original post or save it for tomorrow. Maybe do a mini post, just a little somethin' ? Wordless Wednesday? A Joke? MY GOD SOMETHING!!
I got home and honest to God here on the couch I sat for 15 minutes staring at my computer screen trying to figure out what to do.
. . . . .
I need to stop being such a crack head.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Dear really old dude who FORGOT his triangle-sex-position-pillow in his room and came back for it two days later. Thank You. We had a lot of fun making fun of the sex pillow back in the laundry room (it got some great conversations started) and when you came to claim it and we saw that you were old? Dude, you're famous.
If you're going to come in drunk at 2a.m. and proceed to have wild, monkey sex so loud that we can hear you on the second floor (it happens) the night worker is going to tell everyone the next morning the whole story and your room number so we can gawk at you. If you're a super slutty girl walking out of here at 7:30 a.m. in 4 inch heels and your clubbing dress the housekeepers and I will be tittering silently from behind the you-can't-see-us screen. We're not malicious or mean spirited but come on, it's the walk of shame and we're bored.
If you are a guest that stays often and you do any of the following -
*leave a ton of dirty condoms flung around the room
*come with a different "friend" each time
*leave the room with an odd rank smell
*leave drug paraphernalia
*are a super slob
*are an asshole
*are a bitch
You will be immediately MARKED and forever remembered by all that work here.
"Oh God that man-whore is coming in today, you know, the one that smells like curry all the time?"
"Hey the asshole from that drilling company is coming, you know the one that leaves water in the bath tub and throws his towels in it? Give him #113 the drain stopper is broke in that room and it won't hold water."
"OOooo that BEEOTCH business chick is coming - give her room 103, the phone doesn't work in that room."
"OH shit! It's STD guy, the one that left behind the crab-cream, tell the housekeepers to bring tongs for all the condoms he leaves behind and burn their uniforms when they get home."
And so on. We remember everything and if you're an asshole we'll try our best to fuck with you further. You want to throw a gigantic hissy fit and yell at the pregnant lady behind the counter because there is no coffee in your room? We'll never have coffee for you again - CHECK MARK goes next to your name and from now on it'll be "Oh I'm sorry sir, we've run out." Forever.
One more thing about assholes -
Dear Sir who comes in and insists on paying cash because "I don't want a paper trail." And says to me "I don't want to give you my e-mail address in case they're going to send me advertisements, I don't want a paper trail." "I'm going to give you my office address, are you SURE you won't send any "Thank You For Staying" letters? I don't want a paper trail" "I'm going to give you my office number, I don't want any phone calls home." OK ASSHOLE I GET IT, now wipe that smug smile off your face because you forget that I scanned your drivers license (with your real address) and maybe you didn't REALIZE that I saw you sneak that tramp in the side door. I'll be sending off a copy of your receipt to your home address post haste - don't be a cheating bastard. (Addressed to "Last Name Only" I wonder who gets the mail at home?)
If you're nice to me? Different story. If you treat me like a human being I will ALSO remember and I'll bend over backwards to be nice right-back-to-ya. I'll let you check in early without charging you, and if we need to do a room-change somewhere in the hotel I will search you out to give you an upgrade. I've even upgraded people because they didn't bitch and complain and bargain and fuck with me for 20 minutes over the NORMAL room fee. "Oh hey you know what? We're out of standard rooms, how about I put you in a suite for the same price?" I surprised one lady coming for her anniversary by giving her a jacuzzi room just because she was SO DAMN SWEET and nice and genuine on the phone. (my boss would roll over dead if knew I did any of these upgrades but he's an asshole so I don't care!)
Monday, September 21, 2009
There's something about seeing his legs out in the open that makes me think vulnerable and . . . "Hahahahaha he's got chicken legs!" He doesn't scare me the way he should. Put on some pants man.
The men here in Mexico don't wear shorts like the men of the U.S. it's not La Moda (the fashion.) It's not seen as respected and I can glimpse why. At first I thought it was weird to see every man on the street in 105 degree weather wearing heavy pants, but you get used to it. My husbands the same way, I couldn't drag him outside in shorts for all the tortillas in Mexico.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with men in shorts but for me they always look like little boys. That is of course unless you're the Magnum P.I. sort of man, and then you just look like a pervert. Sorry, but Magnum was the last man to look good in shorts. My dad wears Magnum P.I. daisy duke cut-off jean shorts - the kind where the pocket hangs out the bottom and if he didn't wear undies his balls would fall out. But my dads an old nekkid hippie and lives out in the country and stays out of public that way. And I love him, so he's ok. :P The rest of you? I'm not going to take you seriously. It'd be like taking a lady cop in a tube top serious, just not gonna happen.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
My first experience with construction here was to drive up and see a half 50 gallon barrel with a fire inside and 3 orange cones herding me into oncoming traffic at the bottom of a hill. I drove into the oncoming traffic only to realize that they, coming down the hill, had NO warning that the opposite side of the road was being herded toward them. Much honking and "holy shitting" later I made it through back to my side of the road (at the top of the hill) and went on my way. That's how it works here, half the time you fend for yourself.
If a giant slab of road is gone or being dug up they will put up one small sign a foot from the edge and you had better be paying attention and get over - or you're going in. One small orange cone in the road might mean that an entire bridge is out, you just never know. Over time I've learned to drive many times more aware than I ever thought of in the U.S.
The pictures on my blog today are all in front of my own house. The grate that's bent and falling in over a huge drain has been this way for about 6 months and we just last week got our very own sign. The sign points AWAY from all traffic, but hey at least it's a large object that will keep people from running over the grate. Last weekend the sign got knocked over somehow and had fallen in the drain itself, but Chino and I fished it out and put it back.
:PP When our new neighbors moved in there was no sign and they hadn't got the hole memorized yet and backed into it one morning. Luckily they were driving a huge truck and with some doing they managed to get it out without damage. My little car? Eeeesh, that would be a different story.
What scares me the most about the bad grate isn't cars driving in, but people walking by in the dark or heaven forbid someone walking right into it when it rains and floods here! When the water covers the road here for 2 days at a time there is no way to tell that a giant gaping hole is waiting to swallow someone up. The water drainage is so slow that there's no whirlpool to give warning.
The next picture is up the road from us and shows a little car that didn't see that the manhole there is open and has no cover. Whenever it floods people come along and flip the manhole covers up on their sides in the hole so the water can drain faster. People will drive through the flood waters so at least with the covers on their sides they can see that the holes are uncovered. The problem is that a couple of months ago after a flood the manhole covers dissapeared and never returned.
If you look to the right in the picture you can see a tire jammed into one of the open holes - the neighbors put it in there, I thought that was nice of them, but the other hole is always open. I've wondered for a while what would happen if I forgot about the open hole, and now I guess I know. Bummer.
Maybe this is all part of the reason why Mexicans drive so slow in the U.S. ? It's the big joke that if you see someone in the fastlane backing up traffic for going so slow that it'll be a Mexican, but hell it looks like they've got their reasons.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Here in Mexico I doubt I've made it one day without being "harassed" by men on the street. I don't want to say harassed because it's so commonplace here and they don't say bad things, but for lack of better word, that's what I'm going with.
Whether I'm driving my car down the street, parked someplace or just walking, I'm bombarded by all sorts of noise to get me to avert my attention. Whistles are common but more often, Mexican men have this certain "CHH CHH CHH" or "SHHH SHHH SHHH" noise that they make with their mouth. Sometimes they'll just hiss and other times they'll actually yell out "WERA!!" (light skinned girl!) Or just "EH!"
If I'm at a stoplight and they've got time it goes something like this "EH! Eh! CSHHH CSHHH EH! SSSSSSS WERA!" "WERAAAA!"
These days I ignore them and refuse to look in their direction but at the beginning they startled me and I'd look. :P When I turn to look at them they never really say much, just Ogle or wave or smile like a crazy person. I don't get it. I went through an angry period a few months ago where I informed my husband that I am not a DOG and do not appreciate being called to like one and would be giving them "the hand" or even perhaps "the finger" from then on. That didn't last and I never threw out any gestures, I'd end up feeling like a real jerk and I know it.
One night Chino and I were sitting out on our patio watching the street when a lady and her child walked by the house. My dog started to bark at her so I started "SHHH'shing her" (the dog) and my husband told ME to quit it because the lady would think that I was calling to her. "Say wha???" was my response because HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW that I was Shushing the dog!? But he's right, it's that big of a THING here. Now days I don't know how to tell my dog to shut up, that whole "no" thing doesn't work for her.
I wish I understood this whole thing or where it comes from and why it's OK here, but it as of yet alludes me. Do you think it's stopped now that I'm a gigantic pregnant lady? You might want to think again if you do.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Anyhow I see people all over down here with those type of stickers on the back of their vehicles and I try my best not to cut them off in traffic or flip them off if they cut ME off.
Ah well, I guess we come in all types? I've seen the gay-rainbow stickers next to BUSH stickers so it's not that far of a stretch. People are crazy.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
EEESH. I can't for the life of me figure out how that's going to turn out good for ANYBODY.
Cuz damn. Just. No.
Monday, September 14, 2009
They preform daily in busy intersections honking their nose and juggling and then coming to your car to shake you down for some pesos before your light turns green. (this is the same intersection as the fire-breather post from last week, it must be lucrative) These guys are extra scary because their make up and clothes are all home-done and a tad dirty from standing in traffic day in and day out and I KNOW they're not smiling and happy beneath the paint because it's 100 degrees out and they're juggling in the sun. My doors are already locked when I drive but for these guys the window goes up.
Little did I know but they assumed that since I'm white or American or something, that I would be wanting only brand new things for my baby. They thought I'd want everything from expensive stores or something, and my husband said they were having a hard time trying to figure out what to do for me because they assumed I would be so picky. Oh lordy they don't know me at all!
Chino and I haven't bought one thing new for the baby and we're just about done shopping. I'm so proud :P I went to crazy lengths to make sure everything is SAFE and up to code and has all of it's parts - there's no use being cheap if it's going to harm your baby - and we've saved a ton of cash.
Crib - In some lady's yard - $40 !
Bumpers and sheets - $4 thrift store
Stroller & car seat - Free from family member
Tons of clothes - Fleamarkets, garage sales, thrift stores - $?
Baby bath - $4 yard sale
Receiving blankets, shoes, bibs, ect. fleamarkets - $? cheap
Ect. You get it. The only thing I need now is one of those diaper genies and the medicines, bath-stuff, lotions and potions that babies need. I'm gonna buy all the lotions, potions, bath stuff and medicines new - I'm not crazy.
So see!?? I'm not a spoiled American brat, I'm pretty damn thrifty! Chino and I looked at a ton of different baby baths over a period of about 3 weeks before I found one that was nice enough AND cheap enough. I wasn't willing to pay over $4.00 !
Chino tried to tell them that we've not bought anything new but they can't seem to except it. I don't know what it is about me being a Gringa in this situation but they're being hard headed and I don't get it, and I don't deserve this. . . scrutiny or . . judgment? I don't know. I think it's making it harder for them because another girl in the family is also having her first baby (a month ahead of me) - but she's from HERE. Perhaps when they come to the house to see the baby's room they'll get it?
Ah well, my wallet is happy and that's something. They're still a great family, they just don't understand where I come from.
Friday, September 11, 2009
My mom bought it for us when I was a kid - Garlic Bologna - from the deli counter and everything. I always thought the deli counter was where you got the GOOD stuff because it came in giant loaves and they actually sliced it to order for you and Oscar Myer didn't make it. It wasn't till I worked at the deli counter that I realized they also sold head cheese and chopped ham. *Goooohuhhuh* *shiver.*
To this day I am STILL buying red-string baloney damn it! I was worried they wouldn't have it in Mexico but HA I guess if it's poor people food we would have it here - and they do. I like peeling the string off my baloney, I always thought it was fun when I was a kid and I LIKE the taste of my poor people baloney. Bastards. What. Ever. Bread, miracle whip, mustard, lettuce and a slice of Baloney and it's yummy damn it. Of course that's the fancy version - the regular version was what my parents called a "Slap Sandwich," where you slap a piece of meat between two pieces of dry bread and call it good.
Do they have Baloney in Croatia?
I got to thinking about it and I only like crappy chocolate too.
I worked one summer on Mackinac Island in an ice cream and fudge shop and I'll never forget one of the customers I served. She was an older lady and was browsing around our shop. She approached the counter and asked me if our chocolate covered nuts were made with "premium" chocolate. All I knew was that they cost like $12.00 a pound and since I thought that was an insane price I assured her that indeed it was super duper.
She put her head close to the glass and STARED at it before asking me for a sample. I gave her a piece of chocolate covered macadamia nut, she put it in her mouth and made a twisty-upy-face and started shaking her head like I gave her a rotten piece. She held up her finger and waved it at me saying "No, this is not premium. I'm talking about chocolate like GODIVA. This is not Godiva" I just stood there with a blank stare feeling lame and she said "It's ok dear, you'll understand someday." And she walked out of the shop. This was 11 years ago but I can still SEE her in my head, and the look of pity she gave me.
Whatever lady. That encounter bothered me for years and I can't count how many times I've popped into a gourmet chocolate shop to buy a piece or two of premium chocolate to see if I might like it. And? I hate it all! AAAHHHH!! It took me a while but I finally found a GODIVA shop where I purchased some of my favorites (toffee!) to see just what I had been mission out on all these years. AND yuck. The Godiva toffee tasted nothing like my Hershey's Heath and I was pretty damn disappointed. All of the premium chocolate I've tried seems too. . . crispy or hard or not MILK chocolate enough for me. I like milky melty chocolate damn it, screw you premium. For heavens sake I don't even like the DOVE chocolate because it's just weird and waxy and not gritty enough for me. I'm hopeless.
ONE thing, at least I don't like the shitty holiday chocolate that comes in a giant bag for like $2.00. That stuff has enough wax to build a bee hive and I'm proud to say I won't eat it. (Unless someone gives me a piece and then I wouldn't want to be rude.)
I don't like lobster or even crab. Premium potato chips? I'll take Ruffles thank you. Spinach and Artichoke dip? Gahhh, good god where's the bean dip??? I don't like cake anywhere but from home - and damn it I like it to come out of a box. My step mom made a yellow box cake when I was home last and she said "I know it's not the wonderful homemade scratch cake like other people make. . ." She said this after I had HAPPILY eaten half of my piece thinking to myself "Damn this is good cake." Stepmom if you're out there I like your cake better than that other lady's any day.
I am not refined Internets. I'm pretty sure it's official. But I'm happy! I LIKE my regular people/poor people food though, and I think that counts. Plus being that I'm cheap, I this sort of works out good for me. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go and make a tomato, mayo and lettuce sandwich.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
*Sigh* Thank You internets, I feel better for having confessed. And btw? If you have any horrible food secrets like this, feel free to share - I don't judge. :P So share. Cuz I love Paula Dean. Gracias.
Anyways, this guy to the right was hanging out in an intersection doing tricks for pesos yesterday. There's always somebody in this intersection, a clown juggling or the boys on stilts or like today, the fire breather. I have no idea what he uses for his gas but he drinks it out of an old dirty sprite bottle. I can't imagine this is good on his mouth skin after a couple of days. Eeeesh.
The next couple are driving pictures - pretty lame but I was in a hurry - but you can see that we have things like Midas and 7-11, just like civilized countries. It looks just like anywhere else here on the main drag, I'll start taking the side streets to show you guys the cool shit.
And here you can see (if you click the pic it will grow) that we DO in fact have McDonalds. Thank GAWD, what would the world be with out french fries? Actually Chino and I go to Burger King when we want something like that, he's a total McDonalds hater and he sux because I love their french fries. Don't order papas fritas at a regular restaurant here, they will come out all weird and only half way cooked and totally limp. I think they boil them instead of fry them here and while Chino likes them, they scare me and piss me off. French Fries should be crispy Mexico - get it right.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
WTF? I don't know anything about babies or diapers but damn has Huggies gone a tad Sadistic or what? I mean I've heard of parents wanting to keep babies awake during the day so they'll sleep at night but sheesh. What, do they have like a baby-cattle-prod in the butt or something? This whole new mom thing brings it's surprises.
Can't .... stop......crawling. Will.....be......SHOCKED !!
p.s. thanks Krissie!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Food Aversions. I had always heard of food CRAVINGS and I thought it was going to be the most fun part of pregnancy. :P There's only been one time during the pregnancy where I had a craving and it DID crack me up. I was walking around Dollar General for miscellaneous crap and spotted cans of sardines. I decided right then and there I COULD NOT leave the store with out at least 3 cans of mustard sardines and I thought I would surely eat them all upon arriving home. When I walked over to the frozen section and saw the Gordons Fishsticks my brain said SCREW the sardines "YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE unless you eat a box of fishsticks!!!" I went strait home with my fishy fishes but by the time I got there the cravings were gone. I should have eaten the sardines right there in the store, I have an idea it would have been the best food I'd ever eaten. Ah well, Chino had a white people favorite that night of "sticks and stones" (fish sticks and tater tots.)
The AVERSIONS though. Holy CRAP!! My Mom had told me that the smell of fried eggs drove her bat shit when she was pregnant with me but I had NO IDEA just how so until I was knocked up myself. Plus I didn't have a CLUE that I could develop aversions to half of the food in the world. I expected one or two things. Ha, hahah, bwwaaaaaaaaaaahahah. Right! Chicken, my favorite of favorites all of a sudden turned into an evil alien smelling creepy food that I will NOT touch. I've had to go in the other room while Chino eats because of the smell (and I'm not a dramatic type person! this is so NOT for attention) and once on the way home from Walmart I bought one of those rotisserie chickens (god I used to love those!) and actually put it in the trunk of the car to avoid the smell on the way home. The trunk didn't help all that much, I could still smell it and was sick by the time I got home. Girls - THIS is pregnancy!
Soon after chicken turned into something monstrous all other meats shortly followed suit. I remember sitting down to dinner with Chino one night, taking a bite of my favorite beef-taquito dish, putting my fork down and thinking "Huh. I don't for the life of me want another bit of that beef." It's not like it smelled bad but there was this THING in my brain somewhere that threat end to turn my stomach inside out if I ate one more bite of the suddenly EVIL food on my plate. Chicken, Pork, Beef, Fish (goodbye fishsticks!) and then on to stranger things like avacado, pico de gallo and to the horror of women everywhere - CHOCOLATE. Even beans and eggs dropped off my eatable list and I was left with nothing but fruit and bread for a couple of months. I got all freaked out worried about the fact that I was eating like, no protein or iron so I started drinking Slim Fast along with my fruity lunches and dinners. :P People look at you funny when you're pregnant and drinking Slim Fast.
Six months in I can eat certain meats again if they're prepared the right way and don't look to . . . meaty. But Chicken? These days I hold a secret theory that there's something WRONG with chicken and maybe it's not such a good thing for people to eat after all. Chickens are aliens, and their meat holds a creepy evil place in my heart and I'm not sure I'll ever want to eat it again. THAT is pregnancy, pregnancy is freakin weird.
I've got more but after writing about chicken, I'm done for the day. Yeeeeaaallck.
The most insane part about this whole thing is that Chinos family lives in Texas, they were kidnapped in Texas.
Chino and I have told each other and my family that nothing will happen to us as long as we keep our noses clean and stay away from anything drug related. We figure they won't mess with us if we don't have anything to DO with them and their stuff. Chinos brother and Nephew don't do drugs though and they surely don't have anything to do with them - BUT - another brother lent his car to his brother in-law who said he was going to use it to take his kids to the doctor and ended up stealing drugs from a cartel with it. (omg right?) So when the cartel came after the brother-in-law who stole the drugs he said "Oh no, not me, the guy who OWNS the truck has them." SO, the cartel started kidnapping the truck owning brothers family and told him they would continue to do so until he gave them back. (sorry about all the brothers and screwy explanation but it's strange and extended)
The whole dang family is in protection now and the kidnapped men have called twice now to give the threats and ultimatums from the Cartel.
AND THIS IS NOT A BIG NEWS STORY HERE! For real, there was one blurb in the newspaper about the nephew being dragged into a van by masked men (witnessed by his family and co-workers right on the street) and that's it, it was printed 4 days ago and that's the end of it.
I heard that kidnappings happen a lot by the cartels here and on the Tx side of the border but I refused to admit that it can happen to innocent people.
Chino is all devastated and scared because they stole the nephew right from his Dads arms and now his Dad won't eat. And I'm a useless moron and don't know what to do for him so I just keep cooking and overfeeding him.
We don't think that we are in much danger ourselves, we're a tad off the family map as far as that side goes, Chino hasn't seen them in over 5 years. He used to live with them in Tx, he was raised by his brother with the nephew that was taken. When he came up to Michigan to live he didn't go home to visit and then after he was deported he couldn't, so he and I aren't a familiar presence and right now, luckily so. In any case we're still keeping things locked up here for the time being.
I just can't believe it.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I always heard about morning sickness and cravings but there are other things pregnancy freaking DOES to you that nobody mentioned. Once shit started to hit the fan and I ASKED former pregnant ladies just what the HELL?? They fessed up to a lot of it, but I'm still surprised more don't talk about it. Well I'M gonna tell you, in case you don't know. People need to know this shit.
Sense of Smell: Sure, you hear that pregnant women have a "heightened sense of smell" but SHIT FIRE nobody mentioned it would be so extreme that I would smell things that NOBODY else can. For some reason, the first 4 months of pregnancy our Kitchen smelled to me like some foreign alien death. I would gag every damn time I walked in there, and sometimes puke! I could never pinpoint where exactly it was coming from and I cleaned it and searched like mad! Chino? He couldn't smell anything. NOTHING, and he thought I was bonkers!! It was not cool.
Even worse was that I could smell (and sometimes still can) the air that my husband breathes out. When we breathe out it's not just air but water and all sorts of impurities and shit our body feels like getting rid of. I don't know what in GAWDS NAME is wrong with that man, or what it is that he eats a lot of but honest to God, I could barely come near him, and I would gag if I had to kiss him more than a peck. For 4 months. There was no sleeping with my head on his shoulder or cuddling or making out - try having sex and not getting close to your mans face, or trying to explain that you really really really don't want to "do it" because his breath is going to kill you. It was terrible and he spent many lonely nights being all rejected and pitiful, no matter how much I explained it. There was no change in his breath, no halitosis or condition, my nose had just gone MAD. 6 months in and a couple times a week he still has queer rotten alien breath and I hate it.
Sometimes I don't even know if it's just ME or if a bad smell is something the whole world can smell.
Deodorant! WHO THE CRAP KNEW that my body would go CRACKERS and all out of balance or something and have a crazy creation to deodorant? When I use regular deodorant my skin has a nasty smelly chemical-y reaction to it the second it hits me and the smell is so bad I have to wash it all off. I have NO idea if it's just my spidey-sense of smell or if it's something others can smell too, but it's so bad it doesn't matter. I'll get sick to my stomach from the chemical stench if I don't wash it off. THANK GOD I tried 10 different deodorants and when I broke down and tried one of those gel deod's (that do nothing for sweat!) I discovered paradise. AND for what ever reason I don't sweat with the Gel kind anymore and, well, God bless GOD, I'm not a disgusting mess.
None of this SHHIIIIIT is in Prego books! What the CRAP? I have more to share but this is enough for one day. (ok I've got stuff to do and I can't write anymore) :P But listen, PREGNANT LADIES (and men) and previous pregnant ladies !!!!!!! HEY !! Would you please SHARE this stuff?? I had trouble finding info on the breath thing even ONLINE and what the HELL is not online these days? OMG! Please for the love of pete and poor inexperienced prego girls - OPEN UP!! Bloggers love to air dirty laundry so don't wimp out on me now. I don't care if people think I'm goofballs I'd like for the next knocked up sap to have some warning.
Ok. Thank You. xoxoxox's :P
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Breakfast. Continental plus hot waffles! Yum!? No. Just no, just. Don't.
Some of you probably already know that hotel breakfast food isn't exactly gourmet and won't be surprised when I tell you that it's not from some fancy catering business but strait from Sams Club, Walmart and HEB. It most likely won't surprise you much to know that everything is generic - no general mills here - and that all of the juice comes concentrated out of a can. No big deal there really, it's the details that get scary.
My boss's are cheap, REEEEAAALLLLLYYY cheap and they refuse to let anything go to waste. They demand that any bread not eaten this morning be put back into it's bread bag and put out tomorrow. I guess that's not so horrifying but it would be nice if they would provide us with gloves to handle the same bread day in and day out, and it would be REALLY nice if they would repair the sneeze guard on the bread serving tray. It sits out there in the open air all morning to face god knows what and then they want me to pick it up and put it back in it's bag for another day. When I'm on duty and nobody's looking I throw out the uneaten bread in secret but I've never seen anybody else do it.
Milk. The milk situation is just as gross to me. They have us pour milk out into a carafe each morning and fill it up as it empties, but anything left in the carafe at the end of the morning is supposed to be poured BACK IN the milk jug for another day. I don't know, there's just something about it sitting out and then hitting the air when we pour it back in, and out, and in it just seems wrong to me.
The really bad part is when other people do breakfast for a while and they don't bother to pour it back in the jug and actually wash the carafe. They'll just leave the old milk in the carafe and pop it in the refrigerator. This isn't so horrible until they've done it for a week, just adding new milk to old milk over and over. And then someone else on duty might pour all of this old/new milk back in a milk jug (with other clean new milk) so they can wash the carafe. Old milk just seems to keep journeying on forever. When I'm on duty I just pour it all down the sink and start fresh. The owners would pass out if they knew but at least I can sleep at night.
The most frightening part of all is the water that's used. Here in this part of TX the water is actually proven unsafe to drink. You know all of those commercials that go on about how tap water is the same exact thing as bottled, just cheaper and easier on the environment? Yeah, those don't apply here. The last time they tested our water in this county they came up with all sorts of poisons and toxins not only high in limits but OVER federal limits.
What water do you suppose goes into making all of our mornings orange juice? Apple Juice? The same water that makes all of the ice in the ice makers, the same water that comes out of your shower and out of the drinking fountains. And don't forget the coffee!! I make at least 8 pots of death coffee a day. Maybe the coffee isn't as horrible because the water is boiled, but still, it just doesn't matter.
My boss has actually TOLD me not to drink the water here. She asked me if I was getting enough water now that I'm pregnant but wanted to make sure too, that I wasn't drinking the hotel water. I asked, "Is it not safe?" and she replied "Oh NOO, you can't drink the water here, no, only bottled." Um.... so.... the orange juice? Hell-O !!!!
Last for today is the advertised HOT WAFFLES! The mix of course comes from a bag, is used making the poison water and any left over at the end of the morning is poured back into the original mix bucket just to have more dry and more water added to it daily to keep it full. It went so long when I first started working here that it began to smell rotten and someone complained. Since then I've got brave and started throwing things away in secret. I've pitched the scary mix as much as possible - but not enough so that I'd want to eat it.
Hungry? Me neither, I bring all of my food and water to work with me and thank God for the vending machines when I forget.