I've got like 20 baby bibs and only but a couple of them actually sop up the milk that runs down my little pigglets face as she snarfs down her bottle. What pisses me off the most is when I go to wipe off her little piggy face afterward and all I end up doing is smearing the milk all around her chin and cheeks instead of sopping it up. WHAT THE SHHHIIIITTT!? Aren't bibs supposed to be USEFUL? I don't care that it has duckies and hearts and bears, make it USEFUL YOU ASSWIPES!
Moving on. Baby clothes. Dear lord it appears that whoever is making up these baby styles has never actually HAD a baby. Douche bag sons of bitches can't you people remember that baby's need to have their diapers changed every couple of hours?
Example: The zipper sleeper deelie-do. The first time I put this on Daisy I thought "Oh cool, bad ass I don't have to deal with 20 snaps!" An hour later when I went to change her and realized that I needed to unzip her entire outfit and take out both of her legs - thus exposing her whole body to the cool air - I wasn't so impressed. What kind of retarded thinking was THAT!? "Gee it's faster so maybe the baby won't mind getting COMPELTELY NAKID every changing."
The person that made this sweet looking little dress? They didn't allow enough room for a baby's GIGANTOR HEAD to fit through! HEEELLOOOO DIDLDO! Their heads aren't proportionate! Most of the clothes I've come across have enough head room but I run across a few here and there that care to recreate for my baby the sense of coming out of my vagina again. Any idea just how much that PISSES an already demon baby off?
OHHH you aaaasssshhhhhhole.
I think that any outfit that doesn't have feet on it is beyond stupid because it requires me to try and use the sadistic baby socks. Baby socks ONLY stay on if they're so tight that they cut off the baby's circulation.
If you don't use baby socks with an outfit and decide that your baby's feet will be FINE wrapped up in 5 blankets, that they won't freeze and fall off - but your in-laws see and start talking in another language thinking you don't understand even though you do understand and hear that you're a horrid mother for not be-socking the baby - it might piss you off. Screw you socks and screw you in-laws. Bitches the lot of ya!
Luckily I planned for this taboo in case they had a problem with it and had packed a pair of socks so I could say "OH! DEAR! Her socks must have fallen off again! Luckily I have a spare pair in my purse! Here darling, let mommy put on your socky-poos!" (Thus cutting off your circulation turning your feet blue and pissing you off but making Grama HAPPY!)
I don't even want to talk about baby pants. I'm already too pissed off, I'm done.
In closing, Hillbillies have had it right for years I just didn't know it. Let 'em run around in a pamper all nekkid and free and just call it a day. Once the weather is nice here I'm SO introducing Hillbilly to Mexico.