Monday, January 11, 2010

LIKE A VIRGIN

After giving birth I've decided that I'm a virgin again.

Honestly though, it's been so long without doing it - over a full month even before giving birth per doctor instructions - and now, 3.5 weeks later with things down there still being strange and sore and generally busted, I've got the same kind of fear I felt about sex way back when before I ever experienced it.

Just like a virgin I don't know myself down there, it's a strange and uncharted territory once again. Just like a virgin I'm once again afraid it's going to hurt when I "do it" and just like a virgin I'm not even sure when will be a good time to go for it.

Hell, I've even got the over-eager-teenage-like man to go along with the whole experience yet.

"Can we do it yet?"
"Are you ready?"
"Can I touch it??"
"Are you ready now?"


And even at 3rd base he's gone all fumbly and retarded like way-back-when and seems to have forgotten where things are located. It's not been THAT long so I don't know what that's all about but he better figure my shit out before he gets back in my pants.

AHAHAHHAHAHA Gross TMI coming your way (men, skip this part) - Like a virgin I'm even afraid to wear TAMPONS.

Lord help me. Well, no, help my Vagina.

I'm pretty surprised about just how long it's taking things down there to calm down and slow up on the hurting. That's retarded because just LOOK at what came out of there, but I'm sort of in denial about that, hence the surprise. (omg what a pigglet!)

Will it be like this if he knocks me up again and I give birth again? Will I be a virgin every time or is this it? WHY am I considering that he might ever knock me up again? Being a virgin and choosing abstinence IS the only sure fire way of not getting pregnant - the public service announcements tell me so - and I'm thinking there might be something to that whole deal.

Riiiggghhhhhtt. Once a tramp always a tramp but at least I'm a tramp that will be buying extra condoms in the future and won't be running off all helter skelter and doing it without birth control. I might be a virgin again but I posses a newly wise vagina.

15 comments:

Sgt said...

I believe your suppose to wait until your 6 or 9 week gyno followup visit to make sure everything is back to normal down there.

As I recall at that point, I may have well been a virgin because it felt like waiting forever!

Grats on your new spawn!

Suki said...

Disclaimer: I'm not a mom, except in spirit and dreams. I only read mom-baby stuff with obsessive zeal, and regurgitate it in academic/coherent/lunatic language.

It's perfectly normal for your lady bits to feel different now because.. uh.. they ARE different! Yes, there's going to be some time to spend re-learning things, but this time you know how to learn them - if that makes sense.
Plus, you not only have "new-ish" lady bits, they're lady bits recovering from serious overwork. Don't push yourself.
Telling C. how you feel might be a good idea, but that's totally your call.

Oh, and tampons? I hate the bloody things anyway. Don't push it.

PS: Baby's such a such a such a cutie! Is that her "poop face" btw? :P

Kristi said...

Nice topic! Just in time too because I am awarding you a "Lemonade Stand" blogger award on my blog today (www.sweetsauer.com)so this is the first post all of my readers will see of yours! LMAO

Lauren said...

Here's some TMI for you, so you know you're not alone: I've had sex exactly once since she's been born. She will be a year old this Sunday. I also have not even ventured to look at it or touch it because I had stitches..I'm afraid it'll look all scary, even though my doc says she only gave me a couple...

Sgt is right though, usually it's 6 weeks pending your doctor giving you the okay.

Blogget Jones said...

I'm a little late in this, but CONGRATULATIONS! You have a very cute little baby girl! Enjoy all you can -- it goes by way too fast. Then, you find yourself like me -- watching your teenage daughter be all independent and wondering when it happened!

:o) BJ

Krissie said...

Aw man, she gets prettier every day. I'm still a little pissed about that.

So celibacy, eh? How's that working for ya? Need advice? I've got plenty of experience in that field myself. :)

Sunshine said...

Ok....coming from a mama who's had 4 of those bebe's come out of this here vagina....it goes back to "normal" fairly quickly. The first time does feel like the first time...a little bit....lots of lube! and you'll be fine....i've played the piano at about 3-4 weeks post partum....if your up to it..go for it. Dont deny yourself enjoyment....it still works. And by the way...ms Daisy is a porker....she's a big ole nina! Cant wait to come by!

Corey said...

OMG!!!! So beautiful!!!!!


Your OB/GYN will tell you when it's good to go, usually 6wks. And yes it is normal to feel like a virgin again. I did, twice,(the 3rd was a c-sec) I know it's not the best feeling to use pads when you're used to tampons but it's for the best. I waited till I had my second cycle after giving birth to use tampons again. But don't worry about the virgin feeling. It will have been so long that just about anything is gonna feel good. Just go slow because everything inside is not in the exact same place after being pushed out of the way for 6 months. It's like riding bike, you never forget how to ride, you might wobble a little at first, but you remember quickly. I'm sure you will do just fine.
Congrats to you both on such a beautiful baby.

On a side note to Lauren: Don't worry about how it will look after a few stitches as long as you took care of them while healing. I had 20 to 30 stiches after my first child, and some more after the second child. Everything looks and feels normal, you can't feel or see any difference.

jenny said...

We had sex about 4 weeks after my first ( i know-- I'm a tramp!) and the doctor could tell! *blush blush* She asked if I was alright, did I feel any discomfort and if I felt fine, then by all means, have fun! She was such a cool doc.

The lady parts do feel a little different, I was DRY all the time, even though I was horny as hell, so we bought a lot of lube. Turns out I am dry after each birth, I think my body sent all the liquid to my boobs for milk and there's nothing left over for the poor vagina. For me, it lasted awhile, almost as long as I nursed the babies, then the less I nursed the wetness came back and the lube went bye-bye.

Did you have stitches? If you did, it might feel a little tender there, and it was kind of tight-feeling for me. Not tight as in virginal tight but just tight on the back end where they stitched it. it's scar tissue and it is getting stretched so it takes some time to get comfortable there. I am lucky enough to have a patient husband and the sex is not all about him, but all about US, so the sex is always good.

You'll know when you're ready for it... just take it slow. xoxo

Crystal said...

I love that picture of her, it's like she is grinning or something.
Well they say to wait about 6 weeks or until you go to your appointment and the Dr. says everything is okay. If I can remember right, they also say to wait on the tampons too. I was scared the 1st time after birth also, but after the 1st couple of times it's okay. Go at your own pace though, you'll know when you are ready. What does Chino's family think about princess daisy? Do they come by everyday? Are you staying in the bed for 6 weeks? I know about 3 weeks after I had my baby we went to Walmart or the mall and everyone was like you are not supposed to be up and you need to only eat clear caldo de pollo. (clear chicken juice?) wrap your stomach really tight with a faja (ace bandage?) Are you doing this or has his family told you to? I didn't and they saw that I was okay and were like I did all that for nothing because you are just the same as before and you did not stay in the bed 40 dias. Just wondering because I have a lot of friends from Mexico and they try to have me doing all this stuff. Even with the baby, remedies or something. I don't do them because if he is coughing too bad we go to the dr. not make a tea in the kitchen.
Anyway, she is so cute!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sgt. - It's a long damn time right?? And Thank You :)

Suki - Suki - awwwww I know you're right, it just seems like it wouldn't take so long, who knew? :P And NO! Dang it I keep trying to get the poop face but she's keeping it under wraps for the time being :P

Kristi - OOOOOooooo EEEEEEEEEE!!!! How exciting! :) Lemonade stand???? I can't wait, thank you! :)

Lauren - OMG!! I had all of ONE stitch and I too have been afraid to look at it! I've always been very open about that sort of thing and KNOW myself very well down there - but lol yes, have been AFRAID to look!

Blogget- How is that DRIVING daughter of yours these days!? :)

Krissie - SO what do I do? Cold showers? You don't even have toy's, how do you manage??? :P

Sunshine - GASP 3 weeks??? EEK! Not yet for me but one of these days I hope :P And yes a PORKER indeed! :P

Corey - OH MY GAWD YOU HAD 20 - 30 stitches??? I've never heard of such a thing! DEAR LORD ! Well shit if you got back on the wagon I guess I should be able to as well. DAMN. ANd THank You ! :)

Jenny - I had one little stitch - on the INSIDE and actually on the side - I didn't even know it could rip like that ! OMG your doctor could for real tell you'd did it!??EEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hilarious! :P

Crystal - OHHH!!! You're right they TOTALLY tell me that I should be wrapping my stomach up or wearing some of those gigantic belly reducing underpants! SO it IS a Mexican thing! LOL I just keep telling them I'm wearing tight pants. And yeah, they all came -all 50 of them to visit within 3 days of us being home - so much for not exposing the baby for a month - hhhaaaaaaaaaa :P

jeremy said...

if only you'd have had a boy and named him jesus. pronounced "hey zeus" because he's mexican.

Blogget Jones said...

My daughter is brilliant, thanks :o) Amazes me daily!

:o) BJ

Ritamg said...

Trust me, you'll get your mojo back :) :) :)

Rhonda said...

Lindy please call me or email me I tried to call you, but your phone said that you weren't available. I have news about Pat's prognosis, it's not good.