Friday, January 15, 2010

Shitty Mama Happy Baby

************UPDATE - She still cries like a banchee after all but hell at least she's not cold. (but not too hot) Now, where's God? I want a refund.********************

Fuck a Duck and call him Charlie, I'm so seriously daft.
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I dropped off Diasy today at her Auntie's house here in Mexico so I could run over to Texas and get her birth certificate. I felt lame and guilty for leaving Miss Super Piss to terrorize her extended family but this was important - and lord knows I needed a break.

I returned after being gone four hours to a happy sleeping baby and the report that she hadn't cried the whole time. Honestly? THe first I thought was "You punk ass baby I'm happy you're feeling good but why do you make me look like a crazy liar all the time by never crying anywhere but home?"

I hung out the rest of the afternoon and she never started crying. She fussed and her Grama/Auntie would pick her up and say magical things in Spanish and she'd knock right back out to sleepy land like some sort of angel baby that had never been demonic. ALL DAY she slept and didn't scream and I sat there thinking "Oh my God, my baby doesn't like me." "Or maybe I'm just SO SHITTY at being a Mom that I make her cry." "What is so WRONG with me and so RIGHT with her Grama?" "JUST WHAT THE BLISTERING HELL????"

I'm pretty slow in the ole cranium but after spending the afternoon in her house I got it. Like most of the houses down here in Mexico she doesn't have heat so when I'm over there I wrap Daisy up like a gigantic baby burrito in about 4 different blankets, cover her head and cart her around like an Eskimo.

At home? Not so much. At home we have a couple of heaters and I worry about baking the poor baby so I just let her hang out in her clothes and one light blanket. I don't know if it's that she just likes to be swaddled or if I'VE LET MY BABY BE COLD but whatever the case she's sitting on my couch right now after returning home a couple of hours ago and she still hasn't gone into hysterics.

I've got her ass wrapped up like a cigar and when she fusses all I have to do is pick her up, imitate Grama's voice, say all of her Grama magic words and my baby goes back to sleep. I might not have to imitate her voice and call my baby preciosa (precious) but why take any friggin chances?

Granted we switched her back to normal formula two days ago after the doctor said she didn't need soy and I've been giving her the gas drops faithfully for about a day now but I'm pretty damn sure it's the wrapping up that's doing the trick.

Counting my eggs before they hatch? Yes but it's been since yesterday that she went bat shit and I'm so happy I could piss my pants. Hell maybe she's just so worn out from sceaming for days on end that she needs a day of rest but what ever the case I'm at least thankful to have today.

I'm such a moron it's incredible, have any of you ever been so SOOO dim witted with your first born? The baby book lists "Make sure baby is not hot or cold" like 20 times. Incredible. At least I don't put Mountain Dew in her bottle to calm her down like I've seen the hillbillies do from back in my hometown, I'm not THAT bad (Duhhh this is Mexico, we only drink Coke here).

I stand firm on my opinion that some people shouldn't be allowed to procreate and now you see why.

(Oh god I still can't believe this, how can I be screaming "colic" one day and think maybe she was just too cold the next? Could I be any more screwed up? Too cold for 2 weeks?The doctor SAID she had colic damn it. Somebody slap me. I'm sorry Daisy!)


Vadose said...

Excellent. You found out what to do with her - drop her off with gramma and aunty next time she starts crying. :) ... Actually they say lots of newborns like being swaddled (wrapped up in a blanket). Supposedly it's soothing and helps them adjust to this great, big world outside of your baby-maker. Apparently my baby was some kind of freak, b/c being wrapped up pissed him off, so go fig. But I'm glad you found what's working for Daisy (at least for right now. Don't worry, she'll find new ways to challenge you soon.) Hang in there!

Larry Prater said...

Glad she is better, but I guess you wont be dropping her off on my door step, at least not for now.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Vadose - I thought she didn't like it either but I was a tad wrong. Poor little baby. :P

Mr. Larry - Wait a few days and I'll be freaking out again, no worries :)

Suki said...

Hat tip: it's not your fault! Chill out, woman. And yeah, there's something about grandparents that seems to calm people down no matter what - baby or adult!

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

First baby is always like that. I was so idealistic yet helpless. I was firm about stupid stuff that now with my 3rd child I don't say a word. I feel guilty actually, my oldest child is now 17 and when he was little I made a big deal that he had to sleep in his own bed. Now there is an ocean between us (it feels sometimes) and I regret the way I had to leave him(at 2 months) to go back to work, cause his daddy couldn't support us. Also I didn't spend enough time playing with him when he was little. But all I know is that you(me or everyone) has to learn by experience and everything is going to be ok, because if you think about it, first borns are usually really strong and independent and do well in life. So even if we make mistakes sometimes as mamas they still come out fine. And your a smart, beautiful, resourceful woman, your gonna be good at this.

Lian said...

Glad you found an answer. It's not always easy trying to figure out what baby wants, so don't get too down on yourself.

Crystal said...

I know you are glad that it is not colic! She probably likes being swaddled because they say it makes new babies feel secure. Good atleast you are getting some sleep-right? Are you going to go back to work or are you going to stay at home for a while? Glad Ms. Daisy is being good! =)

Sparx said...

Hell, there is NO manual for your baby... they're all different, gal. You're obviously doing really great.

Krissie said...

Apparently, I cried like a hell monster the first few nights at home as well. At least until my grandma took over and said I WAS COLD. One blanket later et voila, my mom had her angel baby. DECEMBER BABIES - WE'RE EASY.

I'm glad you got it figured out.