************UPDATE - She still cries like a banchee after all but hell at least she's not cold. (but not too hot) Now, where's God? I want a refund.********************
Fuck a Duck and call him Charlie, I'm so seriously daft.
I dropped off Diasy today at her Auntie's house here in Mexico so I could run over to Texas and get her birth certificate. I felt lame and guilty for leaving Miss Super Piss to terrorize her extended family but this was important - and lord knows I needed a break.
I returned after being gone four hours to a happy sleeping baby and the report that she hadn't cried the whole time. Honestly? THe first I thought was "You punk ass baby I'm happy you're feeling good but why do you make me look like a crazy liar all the time by never crying anywhere but home?"
I hung out the rest of the afternoon and she never started crying. She fussed and her Grama/Auntie would pick her up and say magical things in Spanish and she'd knock right back out to sleepy land like some sort of angel baby that had never been demonic. ALL DAY she slept and didn't scream and I sat there thinking "Oh my God, my baby doesn't like me." "Or maybe I'm just SO SHITTY at being a Mom that I make her cry." "What is so WRONG with me and so RIGHT with her Grama?" "JUST WHAT THE BLISTERING HELL????"
I'm pretty slow in the ole cranium but after spending the afternoon in her house I got it. Like most of the houses down here in Mexico she doesn't have heat so when I'm over there I wrap Daisy up like a gigantic baby burrito in about 4 different blankets, cover her head and cart her around like an Eskimo.
At home? Not so much. At home we have a couple of heaters and I worry about baking the poor baby so I just let her hang out in her clothes and one light blanket. I don't know if it's that she just likes to be swaddled or if I'VE LET MY BABY BE COLD but whatever the case she's sitting on my couch right now after returning home a couple of hours ago and she still hasn't gone into hysterics.
I've got her ass wrapped up like a cigar and when she fusses all I have to do is pick her up, imitate Grama's voice, say all of her Grama magic words and my baby goes back to sleep. I might not have to imitate her voice and call my baby preciosa (precious) but why take any friggin chances?
Granted we switched her back to normal formula two days ago after the doctor said she didn't need soy and I've been giving her the gas drops faithfully for about a day now but I'm pretty damn sure it's the wrapping up that's doing the trick.
Counting my eggs before they hatch? Yes but it's been since yesterday that she went bat shit and I'm so happy I could piss my pants. Hell maybe she's just so worn out from sceaming for days on end that she needs a day of rest but what ever the case I'm at least thankful to have today.
I'm such a moron it's incredible, have any of you ever been so SOOO dim witted with your first born? The baby book lists "Make sure baby is not hot or cold" like 20 times. Incredible. At least I don't put Mountain Dew in her bottle to calm her down like I've seen the hillbillies do from back in my hometown, I'm not THAT bad (Duhhh this is Mexico, we only drink Coke here).
I stand firm on my opinion that some people shouldn't be allowed to procreate and now you see why.
(Oh god I still can't believe this, how can I be screaming "colic" one day and think maybe she was just too cold the next? Could I be any more screwed up? Too cold for 2 weeks?The doctor SAID she had colic damn it. Somebody slap me. I'm sorry Daisy!)