Monday, March 8, 2010

Dirty Hotel Secrets: Part Four

I've got good news and I've got scary alien boiled egg news. Which do ya want first?

Good news! Over here at the new hoe-tell we serve a full hot breakfast and I'm incredibly happy to share with you that unlike in a hotel where they serve continental (even though it may have waffles) breafast, a place with hot breakfast needs to actually be inspected by the health department. YYAAYY!!! This place is so much more sanitary that I don't have guilty nightmares anymore about feeding people killer mold and staph bacteria and o.j. made with mexican ground water. It's a nice change of pace.

Still though, still don't drink the milk. I don't take care of the milk clean up anymore but I have a sinking feeling that they're pouring the old back in with the new just like the other place. Seriously people, don't EVER drink milk unless it comes from your own refrigerator. Just. . . don't.

Now, for the fun part - scary alien eggs. I noticed the first day that they serve a big ole bowl of boiled peeled eggs here and thought "Wow! What a nice touch, I wonder who does that job? What a lot of work!"

Silly girl.

I later found that the boiled eggs come from Houston, a mere 9 hour drive, and that they come in one of these. MMmmmm nothin says lovin like a big ole bucket of eggs.

Being the curious creature that I am I wondered what a big ole bucket of boiled eggs looked like on the inside and was rewarded with quite a find.

Aparently they come pre-peeled and float around in this weird ass yellow green preservative solution that gets rinsed off before being served. I'm not sure what I expected when I pried off the lid, but it sure as hell wasn't this, they're not pickled eggs, just regular. Check it out! It's pretty. I keep hoping for alien hatchlings but nothings shown up yet, but just in case, I'm not eating one. I don't know about you bitches but I'm not down with hatching aliens in my stomach.

The use-by-date by the way? We've had this bucket going since last month and it says to use by March 20. Mmmmmmm month old boiled alien eggs, scrumptious.

So yeah, no milk and no boiled eggs - cuz damn.

Side note, ever wonder how they get all those perfect shaped egg circles that come on pre-packaged salads in deli's? Check these tramps out. Yep. Back in my high school days I worked in a Deli and will never forget running across the egg-roll for the first time. I remember just staring at it for a while and then peeling off some of the layers thinking "Dear Lord this is just so wrong! Is it even real egg? How can you make fake egg? What the HELL??? Damn it there's no END to this thing! Where's the smooth shaped END???" But there never was one. *shudder* I should have saved this post for Halloween. :D

Poor eggs, I don't know why we have to screw with them so much.


Vadose said...

Wow. Wow! Where's the chicken that can lay one of those egg log babies? I love these posts, but I think you're turning me off of eating outside of the home. That's some freaky weird stuff.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

LOL Vadose - I STILL go to the taquito stands after all of this. :P Those things don't even have running water and yet. . mmmmmm taco goodness I just can't turn my back on. :D

Upstate Broad said...

Hey, I grew up on Grandpa's farm. During the harvesting season, we used to play in the wheat like it was a sandbox. Unfortunately, we were not along in there. The number and variety of bugs was staggering (and now I'm positively phobic about bugs!), and the grain had to be stored for a few days until the trucks could come from the co-op. You really don't want to know what else lived in that barn, but I'd bet you can guess. Every time I hear those news reports where they're trying to terrify viewers with the amount of insect wings and rodent hairs in their food, I have to laugh. They act as if this is something new. Remember, I'm an old fart, my memories go back to the late '60's, and I grew up on the same farm that my Mom did, so her similar memories go back to the late 30's. Enough to say, it takes a LOT to gross me out when it comes to food.

And those eggs - in the last few months, I've noted most of the markets around here selling already-boiled eggs by the dozen. I can't think of anything lower effort than boiling eggs, but they must be selling or they wouldn't keep selling them, right? Maybe it's the peeling part that people are trying to avoid. The expiration dates are always a month or 6 weeks out, and they're not floating in any kind of solution, they're just in a little plastic tray.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Update - LOL ok I've got one to share too! :) A few years ago I drove truck delivering the harvested grapes from the farmers feilds strait to the Welch's plant. I was beyond amazed to see that when the lids were pried off of the gigantic crates that a crazy thick cloud of THOUSANDS of fruit flies would come swarming out. The grap;es would be dumped into a huge vat in the ground and put back empty on my truck for another round to be filled.

Needless to say I'm sure for every 1000 fruit flies that flew out that there was another 1000 trapped inside or smushed already.

Now we know why Welch's is so smooooth. :D And you know, there at the guard shack they had a refridgerator with free juice that us truckers could come in and have - all we wanted! but. . . yep, nope, I've never drank a one, and I've not drank grape juice since.

Anyways, thanx for ruining all grain products for me now, and to think I was eating a baloney on whole wheat when I was reading this. The baloney is probably more sterile than the bread! :D

Leslie Limon said...

My mom was a bartender when I was little and she was in charge of making the pickled eggs. I loved them! Seeing your boiled eggs reminded me of pickled eggs.

And I love these posts where you share all of the dirty hotel secrets. :D

Anonymous said...

The alien eggs don't bother me so much. What I fail to comprehend is the egg log!!!

One of two things has to be happening here:

1. They're liars who sell fake items as real egg.

2. How the HELL did they manufacture a real egg to look like THAT!!!??

Either way... it ain't good.

I'm tryin to find a way to make the egg log ok... and I just can't come up with one.

Love this post, btw!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Leslie - I have never eaten a pickled egg, I've had the chance, just haven't :D But you KNOW? As much as I like pickles and boiled eggs I've got a sinking feeling I might like it :) LOL that would be an original one for your cooking blog! :)

Gringa - Dude, I swear, we for real used it in the salads! You've seen those perfect eggs in deli salads before haven't you??? THEY COME FROM THE LOG. :P And they actually DO taste like real egg. I know this because before I knew where the eggs in the salads came from I used to buy them and eat them all the time. :DDDDD

Kristi said...

I had never heard of an egg roll like that!! weird!!

Upstate Broad said...

Gringa, just to make your day complete, my other Grandpa was a dairy farmer. If you'd seen what I've seen, you wouldn't drink the milk from your own refrigerator, either. 'Nuff said.

My theory on the egg log is that they separate the yolks and whites, cook them in the appropriate shapes and then somehow inject the yolks back into the whites. All in all, I think I prefer the pre-boiled eggs from the grocery store, though.

Sunshine said...

Bucket of ole boiled eggs.....not right...just not ok. I will never eat hot food at a hotel again...i will stick to fruit and that still safe to eat?

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Kristi - Right!? :D

Upstate - eeeeeeewwwww and I LOVE milk! GAAAGG now all I can think about is sour bags being pumped and thrown in with the rest - say it aint so! HOOOAAALLKK!

Sunshine - Well, at the last place, my boss DID have me wash the mold off of the oranges and keep putting them out so. . well yeah. Smell the yogurt and if it's good eat it! :)

Refried Dreamer said...

well damn. I'd become a vegan after this post... but even the grapes are screwy.

Isn't there anything PURE anymore!?!?

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Refried - Nope! I mean, if you went all the way pure then if you ate an apple from a tree - it'd totally have bugs and shit. Without pesticides stuff get's all nature-y icky. I just want to go back to being oblivious. :D Now, where's that Elote cart??

Upstate Broad said...

No, we're not talking about sour milk here. I seriously do not want to go into details and gross you out any further, but let me put your mind at ease a little. I'm talking what goes on in the barn, before it goes to the processing plant and undergoes all that homogenizing and pasturizing. It's all purified by the time it gets to you.

I guess what I'm trying to say from my agricultural perspective is that not only is nothing pure anymore, IT NEVER WAS!! We've all been eating stuff we don't want to know about all our lives and it hasn't killed us yet, so we just have to get over it. Just NEVER piss off your waiter or waitress.

Say, does anybody like Jell-O? I had lots of relatives who worked in the plant when it was still located in my hometown. I have lots of gross stories about that too!

Krissie said...

I don't know what Upstate is talking about. When I was a kid, we used to get milk from our neighbour's cow, and the best thing was when it was JUST milked and it was still warm from the cow and it had this foam on top. Rich, warm, tasty milky goodness! Not this processed white water we have nowadays.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Upstate - leave my Jello alone tramp.

Krissie - She didn't mean the good fresh milk like you're talking about, she's talking about how the good fresh milk would sit around in vats for a couple of days waiting for the trucks to come and take it to the procesing plants :)

darth sardonic said...

i'm digging the boiled alien eggs!