Thursday, May 20, 2010

Stripper Style : Injuries Obtained

Now that Daisy is 5 months old Chino and I seem to be getting our lives back together, routines, sleep schedules and such and I'm thrilled to say that our sex life is fiiiinnnnaaaallyyyy back to where it should be. Nothing to throw off a sex life like a baby - lol - who knew?

Anyhoo, in celebration of our new found happiness we brought in a prop the other night for an added bit-o-fun - a simple chair. Someone who-shall-remain-unnamed had a stripper style forward-sitting position fantasy and someone else was happy to comply.

La la ti da everything was going along quite nicely and I thought I was being pretty damn cool thank-you-very-much and decided to up the ante by including one of those bend-over-to-the-floor dealies. It would have been awesome had I not gone for the move so quickly and still had a bit of ole astroglide on my hands, because my hands did a quick !SLIP! out from underneath me on the tile floor. What is it about gettin' it on that makes me forget that I'm a klutz? Endorphins? Bastards.

Already unsteady from my precarious perched position it was inevitable that the aftermath of the slip would be great. One hand went one way the other hand sort of in the same direction and the next thing I know I'm no longer in the chair but flying in a roll sideways, hitting my head on the bedside, flinging a leg in the air for good measure managing to wing my husband and finally landing with a nice thud on my shoulder. Awesome. (And lol why did it take me 28 years to get that the "slippery when wet" signs are funny? How did I never GET that???)

After laughing my ass off/half crying for a good minute or so and assessing the minimal damage - bruised head, pissed off wrist and bruised shoulder I tried to stand up only to slip barefoot on the astroglide that screwed me up in the first place and ended up taking a knee to the tile once more. I'm telling you guys, astroglide really IS the shit.

Luckily my husband has a great sense of humor and gentlemanly helped me to the bed where we could finish what we started in a more fitting geriatric manner. Nothing wrong with doin' it old school, a lot less injuries that way.

Ah well, here's to getting back on track and as always - dorking it up.


PuertoVallartaGirl said...

I just want to say congratulations and ..I am a klutz too so I can really relate.

Suki said...

LOL! Man, can't wait for the day Astroglide becomes available in my little Indian town!

(But yeah, thanks for the tip-off. I'll remember to wipe my hands after :P )

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

P.V.G. - lol Thank You! And we really should start our own Klutz club. Maybe I'll start a page on F.B. and we can all share horror stories :D

Suki - Internet Order!!! :D

Krissie said...

Next time you accidentally call me, I'm gonna tell C. you wrote this. :DDDD

(What? As if things can be more awkward than they already are.)

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Krissie - lol if you never want me to call you again then just TELL me! He would shit his pants and I'd totally be in the dog house!

Anonymous said...

We've had to give up this position bc the dogs start jumping on me as soon as my feet hit the floor. Fiance is ok with continuing... but excited poodles pawing at my legs doesn't really do it for me.

I'd let them out into the living room, but they just scratch at the door relentlessly.

Lauren said...

If you start that klutzy Facebook page, I will totally contribute. I have PLENTY of stories, to the point where after telling a few of them my friend stopped me and asked "how have you made it this far in life?"

Though I'd have to think if I have any repressed klutzy bedroom tales..

Anonymous said...

Skank and proud of it

Ritamg said...

I´m a skank too and damn proud of it.

Upstate Broad said...

Geez, I started laughing at Slippery When Wet signs the day after I lost my virginity!!

I actually spent a week in a soft cervical collar once as a result of... uh, well... All week, anytime anybody asked me what I'd done to myself, I told the truth, "I was celebrating my anniversary." Half of them (including my chiropractor) wouldn't get it, and just ask, yeah but what were you doing? And I'd say it again, slowly and enunciating "I was CELEBRATING my ANNIVERSARY!" Good lord, how do these people celebrate an anniversary, anyway?

On Mexican Time said...

Bwwwwaaahahahahaha - ohhh gringa you make me laugh! I love the signage you included "slippery when wet", and I love how you go from a previous post all about Daisy and how adorable she is , to this post, LOVE it! Hahahaha!!

Gail said...

Again, you made me pee in my pants. I think I need to take special precautions before I read your posts....note to myself: take a seat on the toilet BEFORE checking Gringa's blog.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

gringa - gaahhh I totally know what you're talking about - PLUS sometimes kitty wants to rub up on my legs or something - geesshh, not for me kitty! :D

Anon - AND I love BOLOGNA!!

Rita - I LOVE YOU!! :)

Upstate - AHAHAHAHHAHA OMGOSH! You always ALWAYS have the best stories! And lol people didn't get it? Hilarious :D

O.M.T. - lol Thank You - and try as I might I just can't go over to being a full on mommy blogger ;D

Gail - You're so nice, and don't worry, they've always got Depends?

Sunshine said...

Your stripper boots and lovely smile and encouragement and most definatley your last blog post...have finally pushed me to crawl out of this shell i've been in and plan something super duper cool.
I want you to know that this blog was a compete laugh out really loud time for me!
I love it!
Well if your a skank and Rita's a skank...then i have no choice but to be a skank to.
The grainga skank club....welcome home ladies!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Awwww Sunshine :) LOL I'm having quite a day with the anon's it seems :D I do believe I'll be giving the "delete comment" button a workout :) And REALLY?? YYYAAAYYY When can we go to "the store" ??? :)

PuertoVallartaGirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jenny said...

Hey hey!! SO glad your sex life is back to normal again.. but I bet Chino is even happier! Nothing like getting laid to put a smile on your face! lol

Oh and the skank club? Me too! How else did 4 kids get here?? hahaha!

Sgt said...

It could have only been funnier if Chino held up a card after with "4" on it.

I think the only klutzy things I've done with viscous liquids is forget to put the lid on the screw top and have it pour out all over the bed.

*switching positions*
"Did you just...???"

Yeah something like that. Nothing like turning your bed into a slip-n-slide

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sgt - "Did you just...???"

OMGOMGOMG hahahahahahah lol you've got the best comments! I need to figure out a way to make a seperate page to post some of them up - tooooo funny! :D And a sign - bwwaaa omg. :D

Jenny- WHY THANK YOU!! :) And congrats on your recent anneversary! :)