Saturday, July 24, 2010

Bruja Sausage - Chorizo + Eye of Newt

I eat eggs with chorizo (mexican sausage) about four times a week - if not more. It's delicious, a different flavor, makes eggs less boring, quick and my husband adores it. We eat the shit out of it ok? Alright.

So. I've been on a reduced carb diet for about a month and a half now (down 12 pounds, applause please) and have been happily carrying on eating my chorizo because it's low in carbs. The other day at the hell-mart I decided to take the time to read some labels and see which brand was the lowest in carb and got side tracked and decided to look at the ingredient list.

I figured it'd be like hot dogs where it says "mechanically separated meat" parts or whatever and was fine with that, but what I read instead stopped my brain in it's tracks.

I honestly went blank for a moment in complete shock. Take a look -

"Beef salivary glands, lymph nodes & fat (tongue & cheeks), paprika, soy flour, vinegar, salt, spices red pepper, garlic, sodium nitrate."

At this point in my blog I would normally start swearing and using a hundred or so exclamation points and italicising everything but for once, I think I'm too in shock to do anything but keep reading the list over and over.


SALIVARY GLANDS!!??? OH MY GAWD!! Lymph nodes!? LYMPH NODES. Do you know what I think when I read or hear lymph nodes? I think CANCER. Because whenever someone gets cancer the first question is "Has it spread to the lymph nodes???" Because we all know that after it gets to the lymph nodes it goes to the rest of your body and you might just be kaput.

I stood there in the store irrationally thinking "What if the cow had cancer??" I can't eat the cancer spreading glands! Irrational, I know but come on, what was my brain supposed to do? If it were a PC it would have crashed. Just sayin'.

I just googled lymph nodes and came up with this - "Lymph nodes function to trap bacteria that may penetrate the intestinal wall." Well shit, if that doesn't scream nutritious!

And who the crap knew that there is FAT in tongue and cheeks? (lol tongue and cheek - get it?) But for real, the tongue and cheek meat is too good for chorizo? WHERE IS THE CHEEK MEAT GOING? Did you know there is such a thing AS cheek meat?

(lol "cheek meat" sounds like booty)

(Ok, I googled "cheek meat" to be an asshole and put up some horrific pic of magled beef face and ended up coming up with some really nice looking cuts of beef. Tell me - if you didn't know what that IS you'd be thinking "Mmmm looks like a nice cut!" Lol it seems there's all sorts of fancy restaurants featuring cheek meat. Who knew?)

How the hell do they get to the salivary glands and lymph nodes anyway? Is there a guy who's job it is on some assembly line to sort through the dead cow's head and yank out nodes and glands? WHERE CAN I APPLY??

I just. Damn you know? If it would have listed only one of these ingredients I might have been fine to go on eating my chorizo, I could forget about just one horror show ingredient, but there's nothing ELSE. It's ALL nodes and lymph and eye of newt and spleen of rat! I'd be OK with spleen!!

I bought some you know. I stared at it, picked up all 7 varieties they had and read the same ingredients on each package, and decided that I'm a grown up. I'm an adult and I've been enjoying my Halloween sausage for years and I need to just forget about the ingredients and remember that I love it.

But alas. I can't. My purchase has been sitting in the refri for a week now and I stare at it every time I open the door. I can't seem to find any sort of craving for it. I'm NOT an adult. Or at least, an adult capable of eating horror film sausage any more.

Asshole ingredient list.

For craps sake where do the beef butt holes go!!?? Dog food? What's left for the dog food!?


Pam said...

I believe they go to McDonald's. LOL

Theresa in Mèrida said...

Yeah, that's the problem with reading labels. You find that no matter how good it tastes, you can't continue to eat the stuff once you know what's in it. If I wasn't such a compulsive label reader, my kids would have grown up eating ramen and drinking those drink pouches (I thought they were juice and turns out they are 10 % juice and mostly corn syrup!!). I was really heart broken when I told them I wasn't serving that stuff anymore.
I like huevos a la Mexicana, which is pretty much scrambled eggs with pico de gallo.

jenny said...

yes, me too. My sister's mexican husband introduced us to chorizo when they were here for a visit once and yum! Then they went back to Florida and we hunted around in the mexican stores up here trying to find the same brand and I ended up reading labels and *gag*. We couldn't find the same brand they used and often wondered if it would be different. They came up in May for a visit and brought chorizo for us, and we ate some and it was good. I peeked at the label and yes, same stuff. Same as you, I have a pack sitting in my freezer and I always seem to find an excuse NOT to eat it.

And LOL at Pam's comment!! LOLOLOLOL!!! "I'll have a #2 combo meal-- the Mcbeef butt hole burger with cheese please"

Ritamg said...

LOL. Can't wait until you write about tripas and chicharones, two other Mexican delights that are just wrong like elotes (corn) with mayo, cheese and chili powder.

Leslie Limon said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! And you thought bologna was bad! :)

I have one question...Why are you buying chorizo at Hell-mart? Don't you live in Mexico? The chorizo made in the carnicerias is SO much better! :)

And I suggest you head to your local taco stand and ask for tacos de cachete. The cheek meat is the softest, less fatty meat there is. Hubby and I love eating cachetes! I draw the line at udders, but cheeks, I will eat! :)

Mary C said...

You are SO funny! My Mexican family eats/loves chorizo, and I must admit to liking the flavor, only now....not so much. Chorizo goes on the pile along with chiva, chicken feet, and menudo.

Sunshine said...

I want to make my self puke...I just ate a torta w beans and eggs w chorizo. Ohhhhh is all chorizo made w that stuff? I've noticed pork and beef chorizo.....guess they have the same things in them. This is very bad news for me.
But you...lost weight and LOOK fabulous.

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

maybe you can find someone who makes homemade chorizo a carneceria and ask whats in it, maybe thats just the big meat plants....? heres to hoping...?

Marlo said...

FYI all your carbs are in the tortillas you have with your bologna and avocado, LOL

Jennifer said...

I learned along time ago that if I really want to keep eating food from Honduras, DONT read the labels. Or find a way to make it myself, LOL.

Ugh, when we kill the cows, I seperate the meat that I know what it is from the questionable meat. Im sorry, I wont eat liver, tripe, tongue, or anything else like that. I wont make a soup and mix the meats, and if I cant be sure that my husband didnt slip something secret in there, I wont eat it at all. I do make my kids eat it - or at least try it (like iguana soup, eew)- so that I dont pass on my own issues to them. Is that wrong, or make me a bad mom, LOL?


Gail said...

Oh God, I just cooked chorizo with Louisiana red beans and rice 2 days ago. Yuck. I ate cow salivary glands? WTF? Before I came to Mexico I was a vegetarian for 10 years. Ha. Yeah, whatever, not anymore of course or I'd have starved here already. Heck, I hadn't even had a coca cola in 10 years before moving here. I won't let my husband eat menudo anymore bc I told him he was gonna get mad cow disease from it.

Gail said...

How come every time I post a comment it shows up twice? Does anyone know what's going on with this? Aarrggghhh, it makes me look like an idiot! I swear I'm not clicking the publish button twice!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Pam - ddawwwwww well, at least I know the fries are safe... right??? :D

Theresa - No Ramen??? Lol Chino actually tried to give the baby some of the "broth" from his ramen a couple of nights ago! I tried to explain that she'd die of salt overdose after about 3 spoonfulls but he just looked at me like a crazy lady. What to do with this man??? And eewwwww - honest to goodness I banned MYSELF from those gross drinks when I was about 10 years old. Sunny-D gave me heartburn and I knew that wasn't right! :D

Jenny - awwww We're going to miss it right!?? Dang lables! :D And - "And LOL at Pam's comment!! LOLOLOLOL!!! "I'll have a #2 combo meal-- the Mcbeef butt hole burger with cheese please"" BWWWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Rita - GET OVER IT CORN SNOBB - Elotes are AWESOME!!! ;D

Leslie - I have food stamps so I shop in the U.S. (gracias a dios for them btw) but I thiiinnnkk I might have to find a meat shop for my chorizo! And.....cheek tacos. know? I don't know if I've seen them here. We've got brain tacos and tripas and lengua but I don't think I've ever seen cachetes. Is THAT why his family loves my baby's cachetes so much? Catchetona????

Mary - I'm hoping for amnesia on it - I really liked it! But ... well just no. nope

Sunshine - lol the label on the pork chorizo read "Pork, spices, ect." It didn't list the pork PARTS used so maybe we can hope? I'm thinking to try and fake myself out with it :D

P.V.G. - Right ON! I'm gonna try - but lol what if I don't like it made with real meat??? GAHHHH ;D

Marlo - lol that's why I haven't ate a tortilla in a month and a half! :( I only miss them with egss - not so bad! :)

Jennifer -bwawwwaaaahaha lol I do the same thing to my baby! I let her sample everything - even the stuff I won't touch with a ten foot pole - so she can get the culture and decide *gulp* for herself :) Right on Mama!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Gail - awwwww MAN that sounds delicious!! Waaahhhh now I want some! Stupid STUPID LABEL! And lol I have the same problem with posting comments sometimes - just delete them when there's multiples and nobody has to know ;D

Rick Thomson said... that's why Mickey Dee's burgers taste like sh...

I've eaten a lot of chorizo in Spain and quite like it, no idea what they are made of, nor do I really want to know, same thing goes for the French version known as Meguez.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Rick - lol well hell, I like McDonalds burgers - and chorizo - I guess I'm a natural born extra-parts-eater ;D

Kristi said...

Dammit all!!! I used to like Chorizo until you just ruined it for me!!! I never bother looking at ingredients (which is probably why I am a fatty). Oh well, if it tastes good, I usually eat it.

Upstate Broad said...

So of course I had to read this 7 hours after I tried chorizo for the 1st time...

Ah, well. I am the grandchild of 2 farmers, 1 cash-crop (no livestock) and 1 dairy farmer. It takes a LOT to gross me out when it comes to food, because I grew up seeing it all in its raw state. After you've played in the wheat like it's a sandbox, and seen all the bugs crawling around in there with you, you either permanently lose your appetite or just learn to shrug and chow down.

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nashely said...

Well since you shop in the valley, id suggest chorizo san Manuel. I guess its pork since there's a little pig on the front of the building. I'm sure its at wally-martinez, but is local.

nashely said...

So, I looked it up and although they have beef chorizo the pork is the best.
Says its natural chorizo and I also found out they deliver. I could've had my favorite while living in Seattle!
It's made in Edinburg and I hope it helps you out with your beef chorizo dilemma!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Kristi - you know, I kinda feel like a jerk for posting this now -all of the Mexpats are grossed out by one of our staple foods! :P Ah well, they had the right to know! :D

Upstate - YAY - so ???? did you liek it?? How did you have it!?

Nashley - You sound like a local? Anyhoo, thank you for the recomendation! I've actually ate that kind and liked it! I read the ingredients and they read "Pork, seasonings" ect. so lol they at least don't DESCRIBE what part of the piggy they're using - and I think I'm going to switch to it for sure. :) Thank you so much for looking up the info! :)

Upstate Broad said...

The Hubs and I were out to eat at a Mexican place in Alexandria, VA, and he ordered a chorizo quesadilla and I pinched some from him. And I liked it very much!

I tried a couple of similar things in Spain, but I'm pretty sure they were pork products. Have you ever heard of fuet? It was everywhere in Barcelona, nowhere in Madrid, so apparently it's regional. More like salami than chorizo, but MMMMMMMM!

Leslie Limon said...

My Hubby learned to make chorizo in High School which was more like a agricultural trade school. He said that every nasty bit imaginable is used to make chorizo. And you know that outer casing? In Mexico it isn't made of plastic. It's intestines! :)

nashely said...

Yes very much a local, just moved back to Edinburg from Seattle. Believe or not I missed it!

darth sardonic said...

in argentina they used the cheek meat in giso, which is sorta like a stew. very tasty. and they pickled tongue, which was pretty yummy too. the lymph nodes and saliva glands are already in the cheek meat and tongue in abundance. it's probably not some guy separating stuff out. n if the cheek meat grosses you out, definitely stay away from tripas n chichulin (not sure what it would be in mexico, actually tripas in argentina is called mondongo.) i had a wonderful ceso (yeah, google that one and make yourself gag, lol) baked with a marinara sauce and mozerella cheese there as well. i wasn't scared of nothing that was put on my plate in argentina ever. i once even removed a beetle that had been baked into a meatball and continued to eat the spaghetti. but then, i am batshit crazy, so...

Sparx said...

Oh man. This is one more reason I am veggie... sheeeeit.

PS I heard once that the buttholes went into cheap icecream, I'm sure it wasn't true though. Pretty sure, anyway.