So. I've been on a reduced carb diet for about a month and a half now (down 12 pounds, applause please) and have been happily carrying on eating my chorizo because it's low in carbs. The other day at the hell-mart I decided to take the time to read some labels and see which brand was the lowest in carb and got side tracked and decided to look at the ingredient list.
I figured it'd be like hot dogs where it says "mechanically separated meat" parts or whatever and was fine with that, but what I read instead stopped my brain in it's tracks.
I honestly went blank for a moment in complete shock. Take a look -
"Beef salivary glands, lymph nodes & fat (tongue & cheeks), paprika, soy flour, vinegar, salt, spices red pepper, garlic, sodium nitrate."
At this point in my blog I would normally start swearing and using a hundred or so exclamation points and italicising everything but for once, I think I'm too in shock to do anything but keep reading the list over and over.
SALIVARY GLANDS!!??? OH MY GAWD!! Lymph nodes!? LYMPH NODES. Do you know what I think when I read or hear lymph nodes? I think CANCER. Because whenever someone gets cancer the first question is "Has it spread to the lymph nodes???" Because we all know that after it gets to the lymph nodes it goes to the rest of your body and you might just be kaput.
I stood there in the store irrationally thinking "What if the cow had cancer??" I can't eat the cancer spreading glands! Irrational, I know but come on, what was my brain supposed to do? If it were a PC it would have crashed. Just sayin'.
I just googled lymph nodes and came up with this - "Lymph nodes function to trap bacteria that may penetrate the intestinal wall." Well shit, if that doesn't scream nutritious!
And who the crap knew that there is FAT in tongue and cheeks? (lol tongue and cheek - get it?) But for real, the tongue and cheek meat is too good for chorizo? WHERE IS THE CHEEK MEAT GOING? Did you know there is such a thing AS cheek meat?
(lol "cheek meat" sounds like booty)
(Ok, I googled "cheek meat" to be an asshole and put up some horrific pic of magled beef face and ended up coming up with some really nice looking cuts of beef. Tell me - if you didn't know what that IS you'd be thinking "Mmmm looks like a nice cut!" Lol it seems there's all sorts of fancy restaurants featuring cheek meat. Who knew?)
How the hell do they get to the salivary glands and lymph nodes anyway? Is there a guy who's job it is on some assembly line to sort through the dead cow's head and yank out nodes and glands? WHERE CAN I APPLY??
I just. Damn you know? If it would have listed only one of these ingredients I might have been fine to go on eating my chorizo, I could forget about just one horror show ingredient, but there's nothing ELSE. It's ALL nodes and lymph and eye of newt and spleen of rat! I'd be OK with spleen!!
I bought some you know. I stared at it, picked up all 7 varieties they had and read the same ingredients on each package, and decided that I'm a grown up. I'm an adult and I've been enjoying my Halloween sausage for years and I need to just forget about the ingredients and remember that I love it.
But alas. I can't. My purchase has been sitting in the refri for a week now and I stare at it every time I open the door. I can't seem to find any sort of craving for it. I'm NOT an adult. Or at least, an adult capable of eating horror film sausage any more.
Asshole ingredient list.
For craps sake where do the beef butt holes go!!?? Dog food? What's left for the dog food!?