Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Somebody Kick Me

A couple of months ago my Chihuahua Sassy accidentally ran away. I was too sad and too much in denile thinking that she was going to come home to blog about it. We put out around 500 fliers all around our neighborhood and searched for days and never heard a thing. I was never going to post about it, just one more downer thing that I'd rather avoid, but today I'm so sad once again that I'll have to either write it out or jump a bridge.

Today, my little sweet 35lb pit bull Pooper got out, got lost and aparently couldn't find his way home. We realized really quick and my husband went after him not even ten minutes later but he couldn't find him. Chino came back to the house to see if Pooper'd returned but he hadn't so we packed up the baby and set out to find him in earnest. Driving around looking for Pooper reminded me so much of looking for Sassy, it was just about too much.

We were only out searching about twenty minutes - and Chino's truck broke down.

The car still isn't fixed so we were stranded, no car, no truck and no way to go and look for our dog. Chino had to be off walking and trying to find another mechanic and parts and things for the truck and so I was in the house watching after the baby. I would have gone out and ran the streets, but when it's 100 degrees and full sun you can't exactly go out prancing around with a baby.

It's almost 10p.m. and we still don't have a vehicle and never got to go looking for Pooper. He still hasn't come home. He's not GOING to come home and I know it.

I managed to get the baby in her stroller and go around a few streets after the sun went down and even more - managed to get myself BIT IN THE LEG by some bastard little yippie-dog a few streets over. Little asshole just ran up and bit me for no good reason and if I hadn't been too busy screaming I would have kicked the shit out of him. I imagine, with my luck, I have rabies now.

I'm just about out of steam. I just, I don't know you know? How much does a person have before they split in two and flip the lid? The scary thing to me is that I feel like I've got a LOT left in me and I wish I didn't . It'd be a lot easier just to go looney toons but aparently my genetic makeup doesn't make that possible. GOOD FOR ME.

I want my family back, I want my friends back, I want my great job back and my home where there are trees and no cartels and no shootings and to be where it's not over 100 degree's four months a year and where our house isn't robbed every three months and there aren't cockroaches the size of rats. I want my cats to be happy again and to have working vehicles and be able to go to a church that speaks English so I can pray for all of these things and today, today I want my dogs back. I want my sweet gentle dogs that are part of my family back in our house and begging for scraps they don't need and knocking over vases and reaking havoc and licking my face.


Ritamg said...

Aw, man, let's not give up hope. Do you need a ride? I'm back in Reynosa.

jenny said...

Ugh! What can I say? That sucks sweaty donkey balls! I hope things start looking up again for you soon. And I hope pooper will be back soon! Love you xoxo

Mathilde said...

Being a dog owner, i so feel what you're going through right now. Dogs are faithful animals and a pit is a strong resourceful dog and will find its way home. I know you must feel powerless but dont give up just yet.
As for the "i want to go home" i have felt that a hundreds time (8 yrs in Mexico and counting) especially in emotionally challenging situation. Find a close friend you can talk about it with, rant about it online, write about it, do something you enjoy and the feeling will go away eventually.
You have a beautiful daughter, a husband who evidently loves you to death but a job that sucks. Life's a bitch sometimes but it can also give you beautiful moments you'll cherish until the end of time.
Good luck ... There's always a moment you cant go any further down and up is the only way possible :)

PS: plant a tree in your grass fire ant infested patch and vegetables as well. It's fun and soothing (did that during swine flu frenzy last year!! and it helped me a lot)

Pam said...

I'll pray for all those things for you, my bloggy friend. :)

I'm so, so, so sorry about your dogs. As a fellow dog lover (and fellow pittie owner) I can't imagine what you're going through. I'll be thinking about you!

Addi said...

So sorry you are feeling this way. It will get better. As for church I totally know what you mean. I cant stand not knowing what they are saying. I went to SIL church a few times and I got nothing out of it. The only thing I have to offer on this is a link to my pastors sermons this church is very similar to baptist so I think you will enjoy it. And I think he is a very good preacher. So at least you can hear a sermon in english.

Not sure of the resources down there but is there like a phone book or something that you could look up the churchs. Or what about crossing over the border. I know hubby couldn't go with you but it sounds to me like you are in some need of some English Bible time.

Good Luck

Larry Prater said...

Lindy, sorry about your dogs, hope they come home. I love dogs. Also sorry you are so discouraged at the moment, hope things get better for you soon. Little Daisy has a great mother and you are a strong person and can pull through all this, even though it all sucks big time at the moment. I wish I were closer and could help you look for your dogs.

Theresa in Mèrida said...

I felt that way when I lived in Las Vegas.
The dust used to filter into the house, no matter what I did. The cockroaches were smaller but there were more of them. They stole my pit bull too, then they stole the one the vet gave me. I know that the dog was stolen because I had been offered money for him and refused. I was burglarized twice. It was hotter than you can imagine. Our only car caught on fire because of the heat! It was some sort of electrical fire. It got totaled.
I had a baby and no family there. My husband was a full blown alcoholic, who used to lose his paycheck. Sears sent a man to my door to collect on our bill, my pitbull growled at someone for the first time ever. We lost our house...
Yeah, it sucked. It doesn't help to know that my life sucked more than yours, but it does help to know that this too shall pass.
I am married to someone else now, the baby is 30 and having a baby of her own. Mr. Dog is a great dog (I never got another pit, it was too heart breaking). My life is good. There was hard stuff in between then and now.
I used to say "I will do this for five years" then if things don't change I will re-evaluate. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes it was weekly, you just put one foot in front of another and move on.
Just breath, remember to breath. Like one of my friends told me, try to be happy. NO one can take that away from you.

Leah Flinn said...

I can relate. There are days when I about lose it - where I want to go back home, where the weather is not suffocating, you can trust people, bugs don't infest homes, and the police aren't predators. I was at that breaking point right before I went back to Ohio...the trip back there did wonders to restore my sanity. Feels like I can handle it here again! Hang in there, amiga.

On Mexican Time said...

I am sad for you. I don't know what I'd do if my little pup got out, and about. Just the thought....I've been warned I really have to watch her here as someone may try and steal her....Never in a million years back home would I ever have worried about such a thing!! NEVER. I've been robbed more times in Mexico than my entire life in Canada. I miss home all the time, I miss my great job, my car,my independence, etc... I get that part.... I really, really do.

I hope you have a better day amiga...sometimes we just have those really, really shitty ones!!

obladi oblada said...

I am soooo sorry. I hope pooper will be found somehow. Aside from my children going missing, losing one of my dogs is my worse nightmare. Im sad for you.

Upstate Broad said...

I know there are no words that can make any of this at all better for you, but try to take some solace in the sheer number of people, virtual strangers, who are sending you all the love and support they can manage.

Once upon a time, when we were already so broke we were living with the in-laws, my husband was coming home from work in his pick-up. He'd picked up a pizza, and as a special treat, my favorite ice cream. And the engine on his truck blew halfway home. He calls me to come and get him while the truck was being towed away. And halfway there, the transmission seized on my car.

Everybody handles disaster in their own way, but as we ate cold pizza and drank melted chocolate ice cream, we had no choice but to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

raúl said...

I have to agree with the other posters. You have a beautiful baby, a wonderful caring husband and blessings that only a few in this world have.
Scream, rant and rave. Everyone needs to do that. No matter where they live.
In the meantime, big hugs from all of us who peep into your wacky life. We all wish you the best and hope things get better for you and yours.
Big hugs Lindy.

Suki said...

BIG hugs, darling. This seriously sucks balls... hope our Pooper comes back soon!

Anonymous said...

Every day when I get home from work, there's a fleeting moment when I worry my dogs won't be there. I wish I didn't feel that way.

I've had a few near-breaking points here, but the happy moments are far more common than they ever were in the States.

I sincerely hope you find your dog.

She-She said...

I'm so sorry sweetie...

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Rita - I thiiiinnnkk the truck might be fixed! :D And YAY you're back! Can't wait to hear about your trip!

Jenny - XXOO to you too! And lord knows you understand me :)

Mathilde - Yes, writing is theraputic, and a tree... I like that, and even better, I've got some flower seeds to plant and a couple of extra pots. I think it's time to get on that! :)

Pam - awww thank you :) Sincerely :)

Addi - Oooooo that is SUCH a cool link!!! I can totally get on that in the middle of the night when I'm at work - thank you thank you thank you!! :

Larry - you're such a sweet man, and I know you understand about my doggies, you love yours so much! Thank You.

Theresa - You blow me away. I'm today, in your debt, thank you so much for fwacking me back upright!

Leah - if I can't afford to go home maybe I should at least start calling more. It's a link right? And it does always make me feel better - thank you for spuring that thought! :)

O.M.T. - they used to warn us that Pooper would be stolen too - crazy right? And lmao yes, there are those really shitty shitty days :) Thank You for your words :)

O.O. - we're gonna keep praying! And if not with us then I just pray his new people will be good to him :)

Upstate - OMG what a story!!! SHIT FIRE lol you've always got SOMETHING! But now you guys are great, world travelers, happy, not poor or anything! You all are some real inspiration - for real! :) Thank You friend :)

Raul - awwwww you're a sweetheart! And "wacky life" I love that :) Thank you for "peeping" and thank you for the virtual hugs :)

Suki - "sucks balls" ahhh a girl after my own heart! :D And yes, I hope he comes back :)

Gringa - You know, I DO have a ton of happy moments here, a ton and a half with my husband that I'm so lucky to have, you're right. And I'm sorry you feel that way about your dogs, I hope it goes away some day :)

Sunshine said...

I can so help you get to know that! Can even send the hubs over to kick some mechanics ass if you need. Or better yet....we can pull a white girl nutty on him. All 3 of us up and kick some mexican beaner ass. Helll Yeah...i'm down for a good ass kicking...that is giving one!
Your baby is a beautiful little gal....and your husband is know I love ya!

Leslie Limon said...

Awww, sweetie! I will be keeping you in my prayers. I know things seem like they just keep getting worse, but believe me, blessing are right around the corner.

Vadose said...

I know. I want to go home, too. I'm so sorry to hear about the dogs. Sometimes it feels like the last straw, doesn't it? And then you realize that you've go more straws you've got to pile on and your back ain't actually broke yet, just spasming. If your back were broken, at least you wouldn't have to bear any more straws! I have nothing to add that the others haven't said, just that I feel ya. Some times are rough. You'll make it, though. Things'll look up. Hang in there!

Waitress from Mensa said...

The terrible patch of your life here brought me to tears. So, so sad about your dogs. And I totally understand about your not blogging about the Chihuahua when she disappeared to keep hope life. L, every ounce of my dog-lover being hopes that Pooper makes his way back. I am so worried about you. Everything is going wrong, and to add insult to injury, your debit card was stolen. You are justified at railing against the world and yearning for your former life. Theresa is right: this too shall pass. Your strength is admirable, but I wish it were not so tested.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Sunshine - lol Chino is interesting? You don't like him???? ;D

Leslie - Thank You for the prayers, and I hope so! :)

Vadose - Your straw analogy sums it up perfectly - YOU GET IT! :) Thank You :) Sometimes it's a help just to know somebody gets it.

Waitress - Awww you're so kind, and lol I too wish it were not so tested but hell, for all the hell we're going through at least our Marrige is doing good, I'd say even stronger for all the stuff pushing us closer together. SO that's neat :) Thank You :)

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

I was in that spot right before I came back. No money, my husband couldn't make enough to pay our bills, buy my medicines, the truck broke down for like 6 months we had no car, for the first time in like 20 years. and 2 little kids that wanted things - a xmas with no xmas. It was like I wasn't even me anymore or something - I was just trying so hard - but wanted to seem like it was natural, because I WANTED to make it work, even though it wasn't what I wanted in my heart. In my heart I wanted to be back in the US( with my husband)going to college. I guess the experience makes you really appreciate your old life. I don't know if you feel you are fighting what your heart wants. The main thing is what ever your heart wants you must not lose hope. I've spent the last 2 years being an immigration advocate as much as I can because I still have faith these laws will change. you ever do creative visualization? you know make a list of what you really truly want ( with no limitations or rationalizations) and then pray(ask), and envision yourself with that life or those things? and then thank god and have faith that it will come? the important thing is to keep faith, whether you do creative visualization or not.

God bless you
I'll pray for you.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

P.V.G. - Gosh, I can't tell you what it means to know that others - like you - have gone through such similar situations. It's like... well if you came out ok in the end - or are coming out ok, then there's hope for us too you know? Thank You for sharing with me! And no, I've actually thought of doing what you just mentioned but I've been too stubborn and too afraid to hope for much of anything - I don't WANT to get my hopes up - but that's so wrong! God wants us to ask, I just need to stop being a duntz! A guy at work actually asked me yesterday "So, what are your dreams? Anything you wish you could do or you're working tword?" And I came up blank - except for being able to take my family back home - and I didn't want to say that because it's not in the laws cards yet. Other than that... I couldn't think of anything! Lol I've got to start dreaming :)

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

Dear gringa: you must believe in miracles. It is imperative. Please do :)

Bob said...

Have you ever considered that your dogs had just had enough and wanted to get away from you. Maybe it was what you fed them or the way you smell but they left. They would rather live on the street in Mexico than with you and that says it all...

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

don't listen to that guy. he is just a mean person. it breaks my heart just to read his messages in a place that is meant for warm fuzzies. I don't know why he thinks it so important to spread his personal misery to other people god help him.