Teach 'Em Young

Teach "em young.

She IS half mexican you know.

It's my job as a mother to prepare her for all possiblities.

I'll buy her a doctor barbie later on but lets start with the basics and move from there.

Next year she can help me pick the vegtable garden.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to pack my bags for hell now.

Wheels On The Bus

Daisy likes it when I sing the "Wheels On The Bus" song and make her little legs run and swish and dance. It's all wonderful and sweet until it's about the 100th time I've sung the song to her and I'm bored to death of the lyrics.

The horn honks, the wheels turn, the windows go up and down and the wipers swish. I've added what the mommies do, what the daddies do "fart fart fart," every animal on earth and what they do but still it's not enough.

SO. Here are my newest lyrics that never fail to get a good laugh from me and therefore a smile from Daisy. She doesn't understand what I'm saying yet so it's a win win for everyone and I look forward to adding more additions.

Sing it along with the tune -

Theeeeeee hor on the bus goes "hey joe joe"
"You need a blow?"
"Fiddy or mo"
Theeeee hor on the bus goes "hey joe joe"
Alllll through the towwwwnnn."


Ahhh never gets old.

You guys? Got any of your own lyrics???? Do tell :D

Master Cleanse Update

FUCK A DUCK if starving doesn't SUCK!!!!

Starving sucks ass. Dirty ass. Dirty sweaty ass.

I managed to stick it out for 16 days before I snapped completley and fell off the wagon. You're not suppoesed to be hungry on the cleanse and the truth is if you drink enough of the "lemonade" you really won't be. BUT, but that stuff gets so freaking OLD after a while, you get so SICK of it and it starts to burn and turn your stomach at the mere thought of it that - or at least I did - you eventually start drinking less and less until it's barely nothing at all. And then you get hungry. And more hungry but still can't stand the thought of the lemonade.

I tried drinking more water to "curb my appetite" but it only made me MORE hungry and pissed me off. After a while I was so obsessed that I spent every waking moment thinking about eating - to the point where I couldn't fall asleep without being completely exhuasted.

So. I caved.

It was great weight loss, 17lbs in 16 days and I know I would have gone on losing another 1/2 to a full pound a day but I just couldn't hack it.

SO, now I'm eating a shitload of salad and homemade veggtable soup in hopes of keeping my calories low but at the same time being able to eat. EAT FOR GODS SAKE - CHEW AND SWALLOW!!! Throw in the occasional lentils with vegtables, refried beans - sans oil - and egg with salsa and I'm going to be quite the happy dieter.

One cool thing besides the weight loss is that my taste buds seem to be on super taste mode now and everything I eat has a ton more flavor than it did before the cleanse. That's neato right? And it's not that I was just not noticing flavor anymore, I actually remember making some jiffy corn muffins before the cleanse and eating one and thinking to myself "Damn these things have no flavor. Sad, they just don't make things like they used to." And after the cleanse when I made some (not for me, for Chino's breakfast, lord knows HE doesn't need a diet) and tasted one and thought "Holy SHIT this is the best corn muffin I've EVER had! They DO have a lot of flavor, I just couldn't taste it before! Freakin cool yo!

SO, I've lost 17 pounds, got my tastebuds back and have developed one hell of a new respect for food. Not bad, I don't regret it at all.

Dirty Hotel Secrets: Part 5

Just when I think I can't find ANYTHING else that's disgusting about the hotel industry I stumble upon yet another gross find. This time? Shampoo and Conditioner. And lotion. O.M.G.

You know the little bottles of the worlds shittiest shampoo, conditioner and lotion we all find in our hotel rooms and for some reason go bat shit over and insist on using and usually taking home with us? I've noticed that the housekeepers here bring back the partially used bottles that the guests leave behind in their rooms and deposit them in a box everyday. At the last place I worked the housekeepers did the same thing but it was because they were allowed to take them home with them - here - not so much.

HERE we collect them to REFILL them. Refill them as in leave the unused soap inside and just add some more from a gigantic bottle of equally cheap dollar store brand that my boss purchased for us.

Does she ask us to clean out the old product and sterilize the bottles? HA, no. Nope, that would be a waste of product and water so I was told to merely fill em up.

The laughable part is that she bought pearlized white products to go into the clear blue shampoo and the green conditioner. They don't even bother to match the colors! What the hell!? After filling them all up I got the bright idea to just throw them all into the dryer on "cold" air and let 'em whirl around a bit and mix things up to one uniform color. DO YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?? They're turning me into a conniving beotch! A couple of them broke (inside the pillow case I put them in in the dryer) so at least I had an excuse to wash them but, well, ew.

Ew. Ew. What is WRONG with these people? ? ? They own 13 succesfull hotels and are SO not hurting for money, even during the recession they've done fine, so this is just rediculous. And it's not like they're trying to be "green" - hell no.

I just.

I can't.

*Sigh*

It's bad enough they make us re-use not only the room keys but the PAPER sleeves we give them to people in but now this? Do they not care a ALL about spreading germs? God only KNOWS what we're passing around! Of course what's a little dirty paper slip compared to not washing the blankets I don't know, but it get's to me all the same. (if you missed the posts about that stuff you'll see links on my sidebar to the first 4 instalments of horror)

Sonsofbitches.

Poop Swimming

When I arrived to work last night I was surprised to see that the first floor of the hoe-tell-all was a couple inches deeper in water - pooey water - than when I had left the day before. Surprise much???

I guess the overload of water from the flash flood killed the sewage plant or system or SOMETHING but whatever the case, houses and businesses all over the city were surprised by having any availiable route in their building leading to the sewer - floor drains, sinks or toilets, suddenly become fountains of poo water. RAW poo water - honest to god there were toilet paper squares floating around!

It was my new managers first day - previously he worked there as a front desk clerk like me for 7 months - and by 11p.m. the owner and everyone else had gone home for the night and left him to figure everything out.

We did our best to re-route guests, take complaints and even start cleaning the lobby floor up (or at least I was cleaning) so that the second and third floor die-hard guests that wouldn't leave would be able to get out of the place in the morning without wading through poo.

I armed myself with garbage bag covered socks inside my shoes, ( my shoes were gonners from the get go) a rubber water pusher thingie and set to it. The flood specialist people wouldn't come till the next day and nobody actually TOLD me to clean but. . . well there was nothing else to do and I was bored and thought it would be good exercise. Plus, my friend (the new manager) was busy having a heart attack about everything and I figured it would calm him down to know that we wouldn't have to CARRY people out in the morning.

Would you ever believe it though we still had walk in guests coming in - walking over poo watered floors - and asking to rent rooms? Not people who had reservations or flooded houses or anything, I'm talking the after 2a.m. crowd. We had at least 6 different couples come in not deterred in the LEAST by the poo fest and were all pissed that we had to turn them away! "But don't you have rooms on the second and third floors??" "Don't you have ANY rooms?" "Well it doesn't smell UP stairs does it?" "We can't STAY???" These questions were after we told them that the hotel ACROSS THE STREET had clean floors and vacancies!

People never cease to amaze me, I love it.

(We did end up letting one couple stay at about 3:30a.m. but only because they were so drunk we didn't want to send them back out on the road.)

Anyhoo, around 6:30 a.m. one of the housekeepers showed up and started helping me shoo poo water out the door and I was really getting into it - when it happened.

I've mentioned that I'm clumsy before yes?

Yeeeaaah.

I fell.

I fell flat out on my entire side - FACE included - onto the poo water floor.

*crickets* *chirp chirp*

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA OMFG I FELL IN SEWER WATER!! BWAAAAAAAA! OMG it still cracks me up! Of all the people I should have known better. I DID know better! I even told my boss at the beginning of the night that I'd most likely fall. After I wiped my face off - I didn't fall on a turd or anything really, just turd water at this point, I clocked out and told my boss I'd be off to take a shower. I was laughing about it but for some reason the others (the next shift girl had shown up and the housekeeper was still there) were hushed in apparent horror.

I tried to let them know it was ok, I wasn't hurt or anything and we had the floor a lot clean up by that point, mostly just clear water from the rain where I had fallen, and that they could laugh - but no dice. I said - "It's funny!" To which my manager replied by leaning forward and honest to god whispering - "It's sewer." to me.

Perhaps he thought I'd forgotten?

LOL the housekeeper went back to work and pretended I was gone and the front desk girl just kept asking me if I was going to be ok and was trying quite successfuly in her horror to bulge her eye's out like a gold fish.

Shit happens yo. I guess I'm not easily phased? Who knows but I would have laughed at their asses - or at least WITH them if they had the sense to find the humor in it!

Sheesh.

Ah well, I'm showered and haven't grown any third legs or sprouted a staph infection yet so all's well that ends well.

Happy Poo'ing.

Master Cleanse Update

I'm mid-way through Day Nine of doing my Master Cleanse diet and I wanted to let you guys know what it's like :)

It's incredibly - not that bad! It seems like going 9 days without eating would drive one insane but luckily the body pretty much gives up hope after the second day or so and as long as I keep drinking the mixture my tummy won't rumble. If I get behind or busy - or sick of it - and don't drink enough the hunger will come back, but it's easily put away by a glass of lemonade.

The hardest part really is just the YEARN to eat. It doesn't have anything to do with physical hunger, it's just this deep deep WANT that can be pretty overwhelming at times. Whenever it comes up though I quickly figure out something to do to get my mind off of it. Read, play with teh dog, run, play on the internet or what-have-you, just something.

You know, it weirds me out that that basic diet trick - think of something else when you have a craving - has never worked for me in the past, when I was eating diet food, but now that I'm basicaly starving myself it does. Huh. Maybe I'm just finaly motivated enough to make it work. Who knows.

Aside from fighting with myself not to eat, it's amazing that I don't feel ANY different as far as energy, wakefullness, stamina - ect. - is concerned. The body seriously knows how to get by if it has to, and I've got plenty of reserves for it to work with. In FACT? I actually feel BETTER than I have in a long time! I've felt so good about what I'm doing and have such high spirits that it's motivated me to exercise (jogging, lifting weights, pilates) - which further elevates my mood.

I find myself after months of pregnancy and then dealing with a newborn - finaly coming back into myself. I'm doing little things like dressing nicer, doing my hair sometimes, painting my nails and just lots of girlie exfoliating, moisturizing things that I had all but given up on for such a long time now.

I still cook about 2 meals a day - sometimes 3 - for my husband and the crazy part about it is that I look forward to it and enjoy it quite a bit. I always like to cook but I thought it would be hard on this cleanse you know? But nope, for some reason it makes me feel better, like I'm somehow still connected to food and it makes me feel less . . . . food lonely.

I'm looking forward to challenging myself and working through the next 21 days of this and am excited to see what more it's going to do for me besides detox and weight loss.

Aaaand speaking of weight loss - 13 pounds in 8 days so far. Talk about motivation!

We gave Daisy her first real feeding of FOOD yesterday! A few days ago we popped some mashed potatoes in her mouth on the spur of the moment to see what would happen and she got pretty excited so I set out to make some baby food.

Her first reaction to carrots?

"HOLY SHIT BATMAN!"

Or you know, something like that by the look on her face.

It cracked me up that she really REALLY wanted to help - it's her first time, I thought babies were supposed to be all placid or something. HA - not so much, she was INTO this shit! :)

Kitty decided that she was into it too when I wasn't looking so that was the end of that, but enough damage was already done -

Cuz Damn. I think I got the pants off shirt on thing backwards and maybe a bib would be a good idea but we're learning.

And from the looks of Miss Piggy she's quite eager for another lesson. :)

Master Cleanse

I've made up my mind to do the Master Cleanse - a.k.a. "The Lemonade Diet" a.k.a. that thing Beyonce did with the maple syrup.

I know it sounds hoaky but after reading about it - TONS about it - and watching other people that have done it post daily on YouTube through their experience, I'm convinced that it'll do me some good. And yeah, there is rapid weight loss - although like half of it is water weight that you'll gain back so. . . well whatever, truth is I'm looking forward to that aspect of it just as much - if not more, who am I kidding? - than the clensing part.

The adult in me recognizes that I've put a lot of CRAP in my body over the years and I'm sure it could use a good detox, while the 12 year old in me is excited to see all of the weird shit that I'll supposedly poop out.

The people I've watched and read about (people that weren't selling anything btw) all felt super awesome and energized and oh I don't know, just great and all around dandy after doing it and I want in on it.

The drink isn't as bad as I thought it would be thank goodness but it sounds pretty gross I'll admit it. It's just water, lemons or limes, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. The pepper part sounds horrid but the truth of it is you can't taste it, it just makes the drink spicy, which for me, little miss salsa, is just fine.

I'm not doing the part of the diet where it recomends that you drink a quart of warm salt water each morning - it sounds dangerous and unnecesary to me from what I've read, and I know I'd never be able to get it down.

Other than the lemonade and some help-you-poop tea in the morning and night - that's it - nothing else. The maple syrup actually has calcium, iron and some B vitamins and the limes have all sorts off good things - vitamin C to say the least - so I know that in the coming days I won't go anemic, eat my bones away or develop scurvy. :D

Anyhoo, I'm not going to go on and on about it but I wanted to let you guys know and give you some updates to see what it's really like and how it's going. I'm YouTubing my daily progress and if I get brave I'll post the link. LOL for right now though I still can't figure out how to make the sound match the video on my damn web cam and it's embarrasing.

Ok, so, that's that - now you know. :D

Have a good weekend! :)

Basketball Players, Racism and I'm a Square

*************lil disclaimer - this is a post where I spout off about culture and race stuff that I don't really know what I'm talking about but it's 3:00a.m. and so I think I do*****************


We had the Washington Wizards (a basketball team) stay with us here at the Hoe-tell-all this week. I've got to say after experiencing hockey teams, football, soccer and now basketball, that basketball players are by far the coolest.

It's crazy but hockey players are the worst - spoiled rude brats and the soccer guys not far behind. The football guys are pretty laid back but about 25% of them are a tad over-hyped on the roids and can get a bit mean. But the basketball players - decent guys. Hors, yes, but nice to me and that's all I care about.

One of them made a comment tonight that really made me think. We were hanging around waiting for their cab, shooting the shit and got on the subject of the Valley were I live. One of they guys was decked out in nice jeans and a rosary - no shirt and was (nice view btw - wow) trying to explain his half nekkid-ness through the fact that he's from the north and when he goes back home it'll be cold so he was just soaking up the nice weather. I explained that he wouldn't like it here so much when it's 110 degrees for 4 months and he replied that he'd be happy to put up with it just to be around the people here.

I asked what he meant and he said "The people in this area are really cool, no offense, but minorities are just nicer."

It cracked me up because this is a black man telling a white girl - living amidst a 90% (literally) Mexican population - that minorities are just so great. He's from a different place and has no idea that south Texas is basically an extension of Mexico, so when I said "But I'M the minority here," he just gave me a goofy look and started talking to someone else.

It got my hackles up though because the people here really are NOT that nice. I don't mean this in a race way by the way, more of a geographical thing. You see, for many of the Latinos that live here right ON the Mexican/Texas border it's a huge deal to separate themselves somehow from "real" Mexicans. (omg this is hard to explain) A lot of the people here are only one or two generations removed from being Mexican and for some reason feel a strong need to prove their American-ism.

I understand it, but they seem to go about it in all the wrong ways. (And good lord, I'm not saying everyone is like that here, so no hate mail ok?) They tend to go to extremes - sometimes in a good way like excelling in education and what not, while the others throw everything they have in them into being. . . "better." Everyone has the latest I-touch what not phone and if they see someone with last years version they'll make sure to mention it. Ed Hardy clothing is a MUST and other brands that I don't really know the names of - and if you don't have them, you're just too lame to be spoken to. LOL "blonds" in abundance as well.

It's not all commercialism, some - many - are going so far as to abandon speaking Spanish - refusing to, so that they'll seem more American. How sad when I would give my left leg to speak it fluently.

Then, where it gets nasty, the racism. If you're too "Mexican" too "Ranch" you're bound to be scorned. Then there's me. White people are the majority in this country and it seems that for what ever sad reason that the Latinos here desperately need to prove that they are as good as whites, and better. I never experienced having someone be racist to me until I moved here and it was - and still is - shocking. Honestly I think it's less of a racist thing than more of a . . . defense mechanism? They just want SO badly to be excepted and feel . . . I don't know, how could I know?

The result for me though is dirty looks, people that flat out won't speak to me if I ask them a question or try to spark up a conversation, whispers, laughs and giggles and outright rude statements and behavior. My least favorite? LOL I don't know why this one pisses me off but I swear I can't go shopping without being cut in line. It happens ALL the time, I'll be standing in line and someone will come up, push me aside and get in front of me. Some pretend they don't know they're doing it while others will give me a dirty look and all but challenge me to say something. The really sucky thing? The store clerks see it every time and I've only had one guy in a year and a half SAY something in my defense. The others just avert their eyes or give me a dirty look as well.

There's one cashier chick at a store I need to shop at for our flea market once or twice a week that screws with me every time I go there. She'll wait on the 2 or 3 three people in front of me - plus the one or two that inevitably will cut in front of me (some that she encourages!) and EVERY SINGLE TIME when it comes to my turn to check out - she'll find something terribly pressing to do. Or at least try to appear that way so that she can make me wait. Sometimes she walks away and pretends that she doesn't see me, sometimes she'll turn around and stare at the wall and rearrange some merchandise and other times she'll just fiddle with something on the cash register.

I always smile at her, tell her to have a good day - try and show her I'm a good person - but for what ever reason she just hates my guts. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

The Mexicans though? The real ones that live in Mexico? They're so welcoming, so kind, helpful and accepting and just. . . wonderful to me. (LOL I've only been cut in line once over there) But truthfully it's like a different planet just driving across that bridge and I'm incredibly thankful. I can deal with rude customers, store workers and even doctors, but it would be too much to deal with having neighbors or in-laws that hate me.

Ah well, I'm fine, it's just different - it's funny what one lil comment by a basketball player can set off!

And the square thing? I was walking one of them up to his room to open his door and he was talking about the previous nights bar activities when he felt the need to say "Oh, but you don't drink do you." Not a question, just a statement really. I guess after being around them for a few days I gave the impression that I'm quite the square. Or maybe churchy or just . . . you know - not "the drankin type."

I guess I should be proud I don't give off a hor-ee, drunk vibe? Funny.

HAPPY EASTER - SORRY JESUS

Last week when Chino was taking everything out of our bedroom to be washed and set in the sun to kill the death mold we've got in our house - THIS - is apparently where he decided it would be a good idea to hang up my stripper boots.

Aren't they pretty? Like for real don't you LOVE them?? Bestow my heart look at those HEELS!

But yeah, hanging them on the giant cross we have propped up on the side of our house might not have been the best location choice - just sayin'.

I'm certain it never even crossed his mind, bless his heart, but when I pulled up from work to see them hanging there I just about shat while simultaneously laughing and wondering dear LORD what must the neighbors think?

Ah well.

HAPPY EASTER!!!

HAPPY EASTER DEVON

Grama, Grampa and Uncle Devon - Love you guys!