Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I guess I'd be a little pissed off too if all I did was work and never ever take a day off. I guess I'd be even a bit more pissy and a lot more retarded if my Dad was also my Grampa, brother and cousin. Maybe if you assholes stopped screwing ONE CHICK all the time - i.e. your MOM, Grama, sister and cousin all rolled into one - you might not BE so pissed off - and retarded. Inbreeding's not cool yo, in case you didn't get the memo, and if you get more than one chick, they won't be so worn out and busted I'll bet. Cuz damn. Just sayin'.
I should thank you though my dear little fiery assmonsters, for all at once I understand why it is that I live in land of concrete and why Mexicans insist on pouring concrete over every available surface and why nobody has a real yard. It took Chino and I over a year to find a house with a teeny patch of grass to call our own, and oh how thrilled I was to be able to move there! And now... not so much. Now I'm feeling rather Mexican-y and am dreaming concrete dreams.
Shouldn'ta stung be bitches and you SURE AS HELL shouldn't have decided to take a detour off your path and run a scouting trail in my house last night. I was minding my own damn business trying to clean the house when I unsuspectingly ran across your little troupe and you all took offense. You stung me in my own house. On my own floor where sometimes my baby likes to hang out - or is forced to because these days she's figured out how to roll off the couch - but not how to brace herself for a fall. I'm not going to have the poor thing blissfully avoiding a concrete face-plant merely to be run-up-upon by a bunch of inbred asstankers ready to blow.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I don't know why exactly but this purchase for her seemed to trip my trigger like nothing else - it felt like Christmas!
Perhaps it's because I was getting tired of having to hold her on my lap when Chino and I were eating and try to hold a chicken bone in her mouth while feeding myself as well but... not really, I think I was just excited that she's getting bigger and is more fun and ... I don't know, it's hard to explain, just... something. Maybe I'm finnaly getting my mother-hormomones or something gooky like that.
Aaaanyhoo. She's taken to it pretty well and as you can see in the pictures she's pretty excited about the whole REAL FOOD thing she's got going on. Chino cooked the ever living shit out of some fajita meat (it's a Mexican thing, he can't help it) and it was so tough that we were able to give her a piece without worry that she would break off some and choke on it.
We're pretty damn amused during meal times these days watching her go at whatever we give her with some serious gusto and silly un-coordinated antics.
I recall in my before-baby-days to hearing parents say that they coudln't remember what was so great about life before their children, or what they DID without them and remember thinking ok CRAZY PEOPLE where's the pod that you hatched from???
But for real, I can't remember dinner ever being as fun as this. I DO remember sleeping for more than 33 hours in a week and being able to take showers and dress myself and do my hair on a regular basis and read books and watch t.v. - but whatever, that stuff will come back someday. For now though, I get the consolation prize of watching my baby attack a piece of steak like a sweet little fat.... hyena.
Monday, June 21, 2010
A check out lady in Walmart made me cry last week.
The first check out girl didn't run my order through my WIC card and needed help canceling the order so over came bitch-lady. Bitch lady rang me up the right way but got cranky because I miss-counted the number of formula cans and she had to re-do the order all over again. She asked me how I could miss-count, gave me one of those look-you-up-and-down looks and actually laughed at me - not with me. THEN I took my card out of the reader too early, it didn't update properly and she had to do the order over AGAIN.
There were a couple of people behind me in line and I was already mortified so it didn't help when super-bitch turned to me and said loudly "YOU KNOW MAM, WE HAVE A LINE HERE."
EXCUSE ME BITCH??? Really, did she REALLY get pissed at me and inform me that there was a LINE behind me? FUCK YOU YOU SYPHILITIC CRANK ASS HOR. I was quite aware of the LINE.
I had just got off of work and was running on about 6 hours sleep from the last TWO days so yes, I'm so sorry, I miss counted the cans but REALLY? SHUT YOUR HOR-HOLE AND JUST DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.
Of course at the time, I was insanely tired and so shocked that she scolded me in front of the people in THE LINE (that I was already embarrassed in front of) that I couldn't think angry thoughts. Instead. I cried.
I cried because I was tired and even though I work 40 hours a week I still fall below the poverty line and am eligible for WIC and know that without it we wouldn't be able to feed our baby and I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BEING JUDGED FOR IT.
I cried because the people in line behind me were thinking that I was some spastic poor-lady living off the system who couldn't do shit right and was ruining their day by making them wait an extra 4 minutes and because a grown woman WALMART CASHIER decided to yell at me.
When I was walking out I started getting pissed and wanted to go and tell the lady's manager that she was a bitch to me but I just wanted to go home.
The next day I had to go back and lo-and-behold ended up in the same bitches line. She was polite but I SOO VERY MUCH wanted to tell her that she was out of line the day before and give her an ear-full but I didn't. I'm just not that type of person, but I wish I could be. I got up the balls to not say "Thank You" when she handed me my change and I didn't even say "You too" when she told me to have a good day. LOL for me, that is being rude.
Ah well. Shit happens. Perhaps one of these days I'll grow a set. Either that or it's all going to build up and I'm going to go postal in a Walmart - we'll see!
(p.s. thank you to Spell Check for correcting my spelling of "syphilitic" - lmao what would I do without you?!)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
He's an amazing husband, so dedicated and loving and the more I see what's happened to marriages and relationships to so many people around me, the more thankful I am to have him and the luckier I feel. I gave up my home, family, job and school to move to Mexico so that we could stay together and although it's so hard, so damn hard to be away from my family and best friends - he's worth it.
He protects us.
He's strong and gentle.
He gives a lot of kisses.
And not just in my opinion but Daisy's too, he's the best place around to rest a weary head.
He's proud that he is a husband and that I am his wife. He's proud to be a Daddy and is crazy about our baby girl.
He's terribly bright about fixing things and building things but far too humble to admit it.
He probably won't read this post but luckily he doesn't need to read it to know that I love him. I love his corny humor that is so much like my Dads and I adore his smile. I'm terribly hard headed, stubborn as a mule and I wish I had more time to cook for him, but I'll be damned if I don't let him know every day that I love him.
I hope he feels appreciated, I vow to tell him more.
I don't know how to end this, don't know how it started, I just - love him.
Friday, June 11, 2010
I am now allergic to Polyester.
(bwwaaaaaa)That sentence makes me laugh because I know a lot of people with finer taste in clothing than I might say jokingly that they're allergic to Polyester but I never understood that notion. I have some really pretty shirts made of the Poly damn it! Aaaaand of course... I'm cheap.
Honestly though, if I put on a polyester shirt I have an almost immediate reaction to it - in my armpits.
Not a rash, no, nothing that simple, but instead my body makes some sort of chemical reaction with the fabric and 30 seconds later I start emitting a weird chemically B.O. that's practically nauseating. (I hope you weren't eating while reading this post.) No amount of deodorant helps and it seems actually the more deodorant applied the worse things get to smelling. In short - I reek.
Unfortunately it took me about 4 months after I gave birth to figure out the correlation and another month of being a weird smelly person to give up, give in, and get rid of my clothes. Who knew one person could have so many synthetic clothes btw?? SHIT.
Goodbye Polyester, how I loved you and your wrinkle free wonderfulness. You shall be missed but HOT DAMN I can't go on forever being the werido B.O. lady. Cuz damn. No. Bye Bye now.
The other strange thing gone awry with my body is closely related, it seems there are only a couple of deodorants on the market now that I'm also not allergic to. My old favorite, Suave Baby Powder produces the same weird chemical B.O. - not a regular B.O. - worse somehow - within seconds of application. I had one HELL of a time during pregnancy finding a deodorant that didn't do this to me but figured after I gave birth the phenomenon would go away.
Yeah no. It's worse now because now that I'm not pregnant the gel that worked while I was pregnant no longer works. Gels don't do shit for perspiring and it's 100 degrees here everyday now so you know, I need some help!
It took about 8 different brands to find one that works and a lot of time being a weird smelly lady during the process. It really sucks balls to have to start a new job and be starting a new friendship when you're going through a strange alien smelly phase. Kinda hard to impress people when you reek ya know? Asshole armpits.
Asshole chemical weird after-pregnancy-weird-shit!!
One cool thing though - my face is much clearer these days. I only have the occasional blemish now compared to the ever constant blemishes of the past. How cool is THAT?
To tell you the truth it's more than a fair trade. Goodbye pimples and goodbye Polyester, may you both rest in peace. There's more but this has been enough TMI for one post and I promise that if we ever meet in real life I'll wear my good deodorant and a nice cotton shirt.
Also, I promise to make my baby wear clothing. And do something with her hair. Cuz damn, baby be busted. Busted but sitting up! Go baby go!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Could there be a more hideous lamp on earth, I'm not sure, but I love it anyways. I love it because of the memories and I love it because I've always been a fan of misfits. My Grama loved it because her daughter made it for her in ceramics class and she had gaudy taste.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
LOL Betch ya don't got those back home!
Hammy goodness in a crispy chip - and I'd know - I tried them yesterday and honestly, they TASTE LIKE HAM.
I wonder how they'd go with a bologna and avacado sandwhich? Perhaps it would be too much of a clash of meats?
You realize, if they make a bologna chip, I'll die. Just sayin'
(p.s. how is the picture of a raw pork leg on the front not creepy as hell? Ew.)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Ok, here's one of the crazier stories from a couple of months ago. Chino went off to the recycling center to hand in a bunch of coke cans and on the way there a traffic officer who was standing out on the corner of the street suddenly stepped IN to the street and in front of Chino's moving vehicle. Chino slammed his brakes and swerved to avoid lambasting this guy and then the officer waved at him to pull over. He read Chino a big riot act about how he was going to have to take him to jail for nearly killing a police officer and that it was all Chino's fault and many horrible things were going to happen to him. Chino tried to argue that the it was the officers fault and much arguing later came to the inevitable compromise of Chino giving the man some peso's "for the cokes" and heading on about his way.
When he arrived shaken at the recycling center and relayed what happened they laughed at him and said that that officer stands there all day every day doing the same exact thing to passers by. I know it's wrong, but I hope one of these days he really does get hit. Just a wee bit, not to kill or anything..... just you know.... a good wallop.
MATHILDE in Puerto Vallarta mentioned in the comments section of the last post that she's brave enough to refuse to pay the officers and make them take her to the actual station for a real ticket. We're too afraid to do that - especially with me, an American in the car. We've heard many stories about how if they think you or your family have money they'll "hold" you (i.e. kidnap) and try and scare you into taking out as much as you can from your ATM card or even making your family wire money. One man I know paid 2,000.00 USD to get out and that's something we're to scared to risk.
Chino was super pissed on night when an officer pulled us over for running a light (falsely, we were in the green) After arguing and much voice raising and chest puffing he officer told Chino that he should just pay him because otherwise the fine would be 400 dollars if we went to the station and if we didn't have the money that they would take our car away from us. Chino called the officers bluff and for the first time it backfired and the officer called CHINOs bluff back! (shit!) He told us we would have to follow him to the station but he warned first "Do you really want your pregnant wife walking home?" Chino was sooooo pissed (CHISPAS!) and didn't care at this point so off we went.
After about 1/4 of a mile of following the officer to the station he pulled over again in a grocery store lot and made Chino talk to him some more. He said "You're real brave, you must think you're really something to have the balls to go to the station." Chino told the man that he didn't HAVE 200 pesos to pay him and that he didn't have a choice but to go to the station. Thankfully the officer finally gave up and told Chino just to empty his pockets and give him everything he had and that would be fine. I think he ended up with about 86 pesos in change. Chino DID have the 200 pesos - he actually had our rent money in his wallet (2,500 pesos) but was smart enough to leave the wallet with me. (By the way, I was SOOO shitting my pants during this ordeal but Chino said he knew the whole time that the officer wouldn't go through with it.)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
The "solution" is perhaps paying the officer to do you a "favor" or maybe it's pretending to believe that he's offering you a discounted fine if you pay him there on the street, others just strait out tell you what you need to pay them to make them go away and sometimes they'll just say "Give me money "for the cokes" and I'll let you go."
"For the Cokes," meaning - so I can go and buy some Coca Colas - is a HUGE figure of speech here and it seems everybody uses it. Sometimes it's used between friends like when if they give you a ride and you ask how much you owe them for gas and they'd say "Oh, just for the cokes." Usually though it involves bribery.
You need to get a new location in the flea market? Pay the guard "for some cokes" and he'll find you a good spot but you'd better be prepared to pay him for some MORE cokes to get the number of the person who owns the slot. Honest to God, when Chino and I were robbed the 3rd time and we had a lead on who did it and the real police (not the traffic police) came, they said they'd go check on the lead but first told us that we should pay for the cokes because they were doing something for us. We'd just had about $2,500.00 in stuff stolen from us and the police were asking us to BRIBE them to do something about it. Chino refused and the police never called us to say what they did.
Last January Chino went to get his drivers license and they told him he'd have to wait till July for it to come in (and unlike in the U.S. you don't get a paper that says you're legal, you just keep driving around with nothing) but a few weeks ago one of his family members told him that he has a friend at the DMV who would get it put through same-day - for a "favor." Forty dollars and one hour later and Chino was finally driving legal. On the way home from getting his license he was pulled over for a random inspection by the traffic police and ended up STILL having to pay the cokes because while the officer couldn't find anything wrong, he said that he would make something wrong if he didn't get some money for cokes.
Chino's getting really good at it these days though and I'm relieved. As soon as we're pulled over I stuff all of Chino's money and my money in my bra and we leave 20 to 50 pesos (2 - 5 dollars) in his wallet so that when he's asked to pay TWO HUNDRED dollars (because yes, they will try to scare amazing amounts out of you) Chino can say that we're horribly poor and are trying to feed our 10 children and that we're homeless and that he doesn't have a job and blah blah on and on until the traffic cops gets worn down by the talk and just takes what ever Chino has in his wallet. Sometimes it gets ugly and they have to do man-chest-puffing and yell at each other and say "chingow" a lot, but in the end they take the 20 and go.
These days we never pay more than 50 pesos unless Chino forgets to carry around change and gets pinched for 100 or 200 pesos but all in all it's not so bad. We don't complain about it because we pay the same when we're doing something wrong and when we're not. He DID drive the wrong way down a one way once, he DID drive without a license for about two years, got caught running a yellow light, and even took a turn where there was no turn allowed (he's kind of a sucky driver ;D) and he's never received a real ticket for any of it.
Actually though, here where we are there are no tickets. When you have to pay a FOR REAL traffic fine (if they exist?) you don't get a slip of paper to pay later, you are escorted by the officer to the station and you pay then and there or have your family bring you some money or you leave on foot because your car is no longer yours. So no, we don't complain about having to pay the officers off weather we're in the right or wrong.
It all seemed so shocking when we first moved here and now it's so common place it amazes me to think that I've sat here and wrote out this whole post with nothing but a glimmer of "this is insane" shining in the back of my mind. In case you're wondering? We tried to go to the station and pay a real ticket once, but the officer wouldn't take us, it just doesn't happen.
Go out to get tripe fajita tacos, drive around a heard of donkeys, grab a snow cone from a man selling them from his bicycle cart, pay off the traffic cop and go home to your neighborhood where dogs live on roofs and chickens live on the side of houses. Who needs to fall down a rabbit hole when you can just come to Mexico?