Dear self, in the future please refrain from buying .99 cent dish soap. Cuz damn.
Dear self, in the future don't even THINK about buying .99 cent Walmart special underpants. You didn't shop at Walmart for MONTHS and THAT is what you decided to buy on a necessity trip back? THE CROTCHES AREN'T EVEN IN TE RIGHT PLACE.
Dear Idiot, you bought your baby water-packed-never-frozen blueberries. Good for you and all that jazz but how about not feeding them to her before needing to go out in public. BLUEBERRIES STAIN. It's a smidge hard to smile away the glares after people notice the bruised looking (entire) face of your baby. Eesh.
So, Dear Self, how's about we lay off the shopping for a bit......maybe take a nap and give some flailing brain cells the chance to heal.
Really, it's either that or go out one day with a bruised looking baby, get CPS called on you, have them come to the house and see your scummy dishes, have them strip search you looking for drugs, see that even you UNDERPANTS are weird - and take you away to the funny farm.
Take. A. Nap.