Saturday, May 7, 2011

Birthing On The Border

I have TWO children! I know it's no big deal, so average and whatever as far as the world is concerned, but for me - a previous I-will-never-EVER-have-children-because-they're-yucky-and-lame believer - it's a pretty big deal. Here I am though, Daisy's 15 months and her little brother 15 days and I'm quite smitten with the both of them. Who knew?

No more kids though, good crapping goose in hand basket NO MORE. ;D

If you were with me back when when Daisy was born you might remember that my Mom was here to go with me across the U.S./Mexican border and to the hospital. I drove in labor because she was scared to death of Mexican roads and traffic and got lost in Texas on the way to the hospital because I had never been there before because I was planning on delivering at a Mid-wife center that all of a sudden had no Mid-wife the day I went into labor. It turned out great and nothing less than what I would expect from my goofy life. Nikoli's entrance into the world of course proved to be no less exciting.

I went into labor Thursday night two weeks ago, the day before Good Friday, a week and a half before the due date and two days before my Mom was to arrive in Mexico. At the time I was more freaked out by the fact that I'd not had time to finish the laundry and wash the walls... than the fact that my Mom wouldn't make it to be with me. Horomones or shame I'm not sure which but I REALLY wanted her to come to our house being spic and span.

It was 9:30 at night and I wasn't sure if it was for real labor but I figured that I'd better go because the closest border crossing would close in a half an hour and I didn't want to drive to the one farther away. The border gaurd was a douche bag and didn't believe me that I was in labor. Our convo went like this:

"Mamn, where are you going this late at night?"

"I'm going to the hospital!"

*Sly Smile* *Silence*

"Time to have the baby."

"Why are you all by yourself?"

"Because my husband can't come with me."
(this border guard has seen me before, he knows my deal)

*Sly Smile* "Friends, Family? Noooobody is going with you?"

"No, my Mom isn't here yet and there IS nobody else and it's TIME so I'm going by myself. I'll be fine, that's what doctors are for."

*Shake of the head* *looks around* *Shitty smile*

"What's the baby's name?"

"Nikoli" "OMG! We don't have a middle name!" "We didn't get around to it!" "What's your name?"
(lol, crazy horomones talking again)

*bewildered look*

"What's the babies name?"

"No, what's YOUR name? I need a middle name!"

"Er" *stares at me*

*I stare back* "Name??"


(I think, ew, don't like it)

"So... you're going all by yourself...."


"Where have I seen you before?"

*duh-asshole look*


"Ah yeah, with that other woman."


"Oh yeeaahhh, Amaannndaa."

"Yes her, and yes I know, she had to go to secondary, but she always goes to secondary to be searched but that's HER not me."

"Yeaahhhh. I remember you were really pissed off."

*bewildered look*


"Well....I hope I wasn't rude."

(I was thinking to myself that he was SUCH an idiot. It wasn't me who was pissed off, it was my friend for having to have her car searched for the 100th time but whatever, who was I to correct him.)

"Yeeeaahhhh. Last time you were pissed off and now this time you're in labor but you're happy." *Smile* "Hmmmmmmmm......"

*thinking to myself DEAR CRAPPING SHiiiIT!!*

"Well it's a BABY, it's a HAPPY THING!"

At this point I had a contraction and closed my eyes for a minute. He continued to stare at me and smile that STOOPID smile like he thought I was full of ten miles of horse shit and just stared at me.

"So it's time huh?"

*Shitty disbelieving smile*

"Yes! God.... do you want to look in the trunk??" (trunk of the car) I'd like to go to the hospital!

*Stares at me*

"Yeah, go ahead and open it up."

He checked out the trunk of my car and came back shaking his head and half laughing and told me it was ok that I could go. He told me to drive really careful and good luck.

Thank You. Moron.

Anyhoo, I got to the hospital 15 mintues later, checked in, hooked up to all the machines and found that my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart! Whew! Buuuuuuttt I wasn't dialated enough so they decided I needed Pitocin to speed things up. I bargained for an Epidural before they hooked me up to the P-Hell-Drip and everybody was happy.

I can't count how many times I explained to how many nurses and staff that yes I would be alone for the birth, no, no family or friends just me but it didn't bother me as much as you'd think. There were some really great shows on the Discovery Channel and I had an epidural, there wasn't much to complain about.

I had a couple of bad moments when the nurse wouldn't come and I couldn't move from the stomach down and my nose was running and I couldn't get to a tissue to blow my nose and I was puking all over the place because the epidural drug had run out and nobody had come to replace it and DAMN if you get cut off from that stuff too quick things get ugly fast. So I bawled and wanted my Mommy to be there so I wouldn't have to blow my nose on the sheet and puke on the floor. But whatever, the nurse finaly came and gave me tissue and a puke-bucket, plus more epi-drug and even an anti-nausea drug so... all was well.

Back to the Discovery Channel till almost 9a.m. the baby was ready to come. (Thank you Discovery Channel for not playing infomercials, cuz that would have sucked) One doctor 3 nurses and two pushes later and I was no longer alone! Nikoli Christian came into the world.

I wanted to name the baby Christian but my husband said it was "Gay" (*sigh* (caveman)) buuuuut I figured since we didn't have a middle name and I DID have to have the baby all by myself that he couldn't be mad at me for using it for his middle name. So there. (Nah nah nah boo boo!)

I spent the next two days in the hospital waiting for my Moms bus to get to Texas so she could come and break us out of the hospital. They flat out refused to let me leave by myself. I had planned on staying till my Moms bus came, picking her up and just driving home but they wouldn't have it. Boo, but whatever.

I had a really nice time having Nikoli all to myself those first couple of days. He stayed with me 24/7 and even slept in the bed with me. I was worried that the nurses would chastize me for sleeping with him but they didn't seem to care and one even encouraged it. Cool ladies!

One of my friends here in Mexico noticed that I wasn't responding on F.B. thus telling her that I was either dead or in the hospital. She called the hospital to inquire if I was there and they put her strait through. I was so happy to talk to someone! Soon after my husband was able to call and I wasn't feeling lonely at all.

Another Mexpat teacher came to visit me on my last day and ended up being the one to break me out of the hospital. The jail-break was going quite well until she was pretending to drive "her" (my) car around to pick me up and ended up setting off the alarm. She couldn't figure out how to shut off the alarm and the nurse-aide-man didn't want me to leave the hospital by foot but I told him it would be ok, we'd keep it a secret, just to wait a sec. I ran outside, helped her with the alarm and scooted back inside and sat back in the chair so he could THEN wheel me back outside. He was a cool dude. A drive around the parking lot and I was free to take the wheel and my friend could get back to her own vehicle.

We went to her house and it was time to pick my Mom up from the bus station. A quick trip to the bus station and I had my baby, my Mama and we all went back home to the other side of the border where my husband was awaiting his little boy's arrival.

And here we are. My Mom is back in Michigan and all of a sudden I belong to a family of four. I'm lucky to have great friends here in Mexico and lucky to have a healthy family with happy babies. I don't have to return to teaching till the next school year starts and I'm thrilled to have the next couple of months to stay at home and soak up our new baby boy. :)

(P.S. No hate mail for bashing the border guard who was just doing his job. He WAS just doing his job, but he could have done it a little less douche-y. And yes I KNOW that hospitals have rules in place to protect people, but sometimes people have OTHER ways off needing to go about their business. Leave it be)

30 comments: said...

We will always be there for you.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Thank You RITA!!!!!!!!!!! :) You were so great!! :) LOL, damn car alarm ;D

Anonymous said...

Pictures, darling, and Congratulations!!!!! :D



Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Ceri - Thank You!!! :) :) :)

BC said...

Best of luck with the new bambino! May you and your family be blessed by whatever deity you believe in!

How old was this border guy? Cuz I gotta say, he sounds a lot like a guy I went though the Academy with. Slow talking and always with a stupid smile on his face. But his name was Sergio, and he would be a middle-aged man by now. Hmmmmm....Nikoli Sergio would have sounded good together!

BC said...

Geez, I didn't know it was gonna use that name. Just call me Upstate Broad!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Upstate!!! LOL, I did the same thing with my husbands account the other day :D And Thankyou, and lol again, you know my deity, cheap chocolate covered bologna of course! ;)

Carolyn said...

Congratulations!! Many blessings to you and your family.

Lisa n Javi said...

Congrats on the new healthy baby. Love all the pix too, especially the first of his little feet. Glad everything turned out well for you and that you are so happy!

~ellen~ said...

Congrats! I am so happy for all four of you. Both your babies are so beautiful :)

JJ said...

Congratulations, Mommy of Two and Happy Mother's Day to boot. You remain flipping hilarious and your kids will benefit from that. Take care!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Carolyn and Lisa - Thank You's :) And thank you for reading :)

Ellen - XOXXOXO!!! I miss seeing you around blog-land, I hope to get back on the wagon soon! :)

JJ - LOL thank God I have something constructive to offer them. It might not be brains but it's SOMETHING ;D

raúl said...

Congratulations for the newest member of your family! Happy Mother's Day !!!!!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Thank You Raul!!! :) Happy Day to you too, weiner or no! :D

Barb said...

Congrats on your new babe. Both your kids are positively gorgeous! Happy Mother's Day!

Pam said...

What a wonderful/crazy/amusing/funny birth story!

And what a DOUCHEBAG of a border patrol dude!

Happy Mother's Day!

Kristi said...

Congrats on the new baby!!

Anonymous said...

He is so cute! Congrats :)

Liz said...

Awwww - Congrats!! What a wonderful family. And, what a story about your drive to and stay in the hospital. You are one strong woman to have that little boy all by yourself. Enjoy your family and Happy Mother's Day (a little late).

She-She said...

There's one thing for certain. You and that hubby of yours sure do make some purty babies. Coongrats to the whole family!

She-She said...

UH, that's CONgrats! Gawd I am so lame sometimes. Use the spellcheck Sheila....

Stephanie G said...

Congratulations on that sweet little ball of joy!! He is so beautiful! Now you have 2 little ones to love!!!

Congratulations to your little girl on being a BIG sister!!!

Vadose said...

Congratulations! I hope Nikoli gets to hear that story when he's older. Old enough to understand "douche", I guess. So at least, what? two or three years old. ;)

Anonymous said...

Felicidades!!! I am so glad everything (except the crossing and breaking out of went well for you. The baby is so cute. I am sure miss Daisy is loving being the big sister.

Zoe said...

I don't know where you buy your underpants, cuz they have to be specially made to accomodate your BALLS!! To do that all on your own, they must be there. That is one sweet looking baby and don't they just smell so good when they are tiny? Best of luck to you and yours and enjoy the summer with the new one and your little helper, Daisy.

aj said...


Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Barb - Thank You! And I agree... but I'm pretty darn impartial :D

Pam - Douche bag 4 reaallzzz ;) Thank You! :)

Kristi and Gringa - Thank YOUS! :) XXOO!

Liz, Thank You and yes I'm strong, I eat my spinach :D And you know...tortillas :-D

She-She - LMAO you're hilarious!! My spell check is in spanish so it marks every work wrong and I've just had to give in and let people see that I'm a wee bit reettarrded when it comes to spelling. There are websites to use...but I'm too lazy :D And...Thank You! :)

Stephanie - omgosh is that your wedding pic?? Your DRESS!!! Just wow! And, THank You! :)

Vadose - Awww give me some credit now...he'll have to be at least the age where he can comprehend not to REPEAT the words I say to others. So.... 6? 7? That's better ;D

Nikki - aww, all the crazy stuff is cool too, otherwise, I'd have not blog fodder ;D Thank You for the congrats! :)

Zoe - OH THEY DOOO smell wonderful! I didn't undersand it with my first, but this one I just sat and smelled for the first 4 days or so! OMG I'm pretty sure I made his hair greasy by rubbing my face in it alll day. :P :D

AJ - Thank YOU! :)

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Wow, I've been away for a while and sure have missed a lot. Congratulations to you! I so enjoy your blog; I just wish I could get here more often. All the best to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

As a long time lurker who checks in once a month, congratulations on the beautiful new baby.

I am wondering why you didn't give birth in Mexico. It's your family's home, why bother pretending otherwise?

You've consciously chosen a life in Mexico with a man you deeply love, why aren't you fully embracing that choice? Your children will always call Mexico home, it will be their first love, no matter the certificates documenting their birth.

Your children are Mexicans, you should be proud of this fact.

I understand why you want the U.S. golden ticket, but you must know your daughter and son will always be considered unwanted stepchildren in the country of your birth, despite your difficult efforts to ensure American documentation.

I do wish you and yours the very best. I also hope you come to gentle terms with the life you've chosen.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Grace - You're about a psycho and a half aren't you? I wanted to give birth in MY COUNTRY because they speak ENGLISH in MY country and I don't speak the Spanish of Mexico. I wanted to give birth in MY country that I was BORN IN and raised in and have EVERY RIGHT TO BE IN and birth my children in because the hospitals there are far more safe than those in Mexico. "Unwanted stepchildren?" My children are American Citizens because their MOTHER is an American Citizen, there's nothing step about it! What, so my children aren't welcome in the U.S. because they were raised their first years in Mexico? I just.... I can't even go on dealing with you. How DARE you comment on my blog like this and try and trample my heart. Troll, just go away and take your racism with you.