Saturday, October 8, 2011

Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo

*******WARNING: This post involves bathroom habitry. It's TMI and I don't care but YOU might care. So...there ya go.*******


We are fortunate (in ways) to live right on the border of TX and Mexico. The average wage here for a laborer in a factory is about 700 pesos a week for working 12 hour days. That equates to about 65 U.S. dollars. My husband worked in a factory earning that wage for our first year here and then we were lucky and brave enough to start up our own wee little business selling goods from TX, over here in a flea market. He makes a bit more than working in a factory and only has to work 3 days a week, leaving the rest of the time open for him to stay home and care for the babies while I'm at work. It's a super win-win situation.

To get those goods from TX I need to travel over there at least once a week to go shopping and find the things he'll need for the week. And THERE is where my little.....strange-it-ty takes place.

I travel to anywhere from 4-10 stores on a given Saturday looking for the cheapest and best goods to take back and sell. There are a few places I go to every week and in one of them my little problem takes place. No matter what time of day I get there, within 1 minute of walking in the door......I suddenly have the urge to.....find a potty.

EVERY. FREAKING. SINGLE. TIME. No matter what time of day and I can't even get down a half an isle before I'm jumping around and crossing my legs like a 4th grader fighting off the urge to not soil my damn pants!

I don't know what happened in my brain somewhere along the line but for some odd reason it's got a couple of nuerons all crooked crossed up and instead of it saying "It's time to shop" it screams "It's time to POOOOOOO!!!"

I told you. Tmi. But it's WEIRD TMI!!

About a year and a half ago I used to have the SAME thing happen in a different store that I would go to each week but I eventually stopped going there when I found a place with cheaper stuff and I thought my little weirdo problem was solved, but nope....it came back.

It's been going on for about a year now in the new store and it's just.... goofy. I wouldn't be botherd by it or even care but the shop doesn't HAVE A BATHROOM and the only public potty in the whole freakin' po-dunk town is a half mile away and always has a line out the door of women waiting to go.

For some reason I never remember it's going to happen and so I've never done a pre-trip to the potty place for some preventive measures and so EVERY SINGLE TIME I get half way down the isle and scream "DANG IT!! CRAP! AGAAIIINNN!!" inside my head and kicky myself mentaly in the face for being such a freak.

Most days I can prance around and wait it out long enough to get my stuff and go but sometimes, like today, I have to freaking put my basket DOWN, leave the crapping store and drive to the potty place. It's dag gum incon-freaking-vinient.

Why can't I REMEMBER this is going to happen and WHY does it happen every time??? I go almost eeeevvveerrryyy Saturday so that means it's happend about 50 times to me in the past year. That's just not right.

Is there some sort of anti-poo meditation I can do? A re-wire my retarded synapse pathways chant or something?

SHIT.

12 comments:

DanjerusKurves said...

Well, sounds like me, only I have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and ulcerative colitis. The combination can be absolute hell. Could be you are experiencing something along similar lines.

rubireyes said...

I read this post in the morning before a shopping trip into town and was thinking the whole time "what would I do if that happened to me?" The only solution I could think of for your "poo problem" is to fast 24 hours before your shopping trip, but than you'll probably spend 2x as much money shopping on an empty stomach.

Zoe said...

Adult diapers?

gringationcancun said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I have this exact same problem! I've never told anyone else before because I thought it was weird (which it is, I guess)

For me, it's anytime I go into a bookstore. Used bookstores are fine, but stores selling new books make me need to run to the bathroom. I can stay in the magazine section or something, but as soon as I head toward the racks of books... watch out!

This used to be a problem bc my dad loves going to Barnes & Noble, Borders, etc.

I suspect it's the smell of the new books, because the stronger the smell of new pages gets, the more I have to run to the restroom.

Strange, because it doesn't happen when I read a new book... just when I'm around lots of them.

You now know my deepest and darkest secret.

~Mar~ said...

Well... that is kinda weird. But I have had weird poop issues too. When I was in middle school as soon as I came off the school bus I had to poop. I mean, literally as soon as my feet hit the ground. Problem was my house was still like a mile away so I had to practically run home every freaking day. Pretty soon I stopped taking the school bus and would just take the city bus home. That actually helped.
Most recently as an adult I have experienced (after some stomach surgery which might have affected the vagus nerve) that if I need to go poo and I wait too long I will start feeling nauseous and want to throw up at the same time as pooping. It's happened where I literally don't know what to do first, sit and poop or puke and then poop. Sometimes I sit and grab the nearest waste basket and do both. Needless to say, now as soon as I feel it's poop time I run to the toilet. I hate puking more than I pooping in public restrooms.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

DK - Well that's something, I took Klonopin for YEARS for an anxiety disorder but stopped with my pregnancies and haven't started again. I never would have thought that would have something to do with it!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Rubi - Lol so nice to be thought of, too bad I couldn't do it for something other than poo ;D

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Zoe - I change too many diapers to be adding my OWN butt to the mix! ;D

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Gringa - aaaaaaahhhahahahahha I. LOVE. YOU!!!!! XOXOXXOXOXO!!!! :) :) :) I was actually thinking about this post while at work today thinking "Oh my God, you're such a freak, you really might have gone too far this time...I mean poo???" But you've made it all worth it! LOVE YOU!!!! :)

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

I had a boyfriend that had to poo the minute he would walk into his Moms house, even after he'd been moved out for a couple years :D I'm sorry about your new situation though, that's like having the flu! :(

Palomina said...

Wal-Mart does it to me every time!!!

notinthepink.com said...

Wow, that is strange. I mean, it's like your body's playing tricks on you. Is there something specific you eat or drink perhaps before taking the shopping trip that would cause it? x

~*~*~

Ceri