Thursday, October 13, 2011

Somethin' To Talk About

I was super excited when we moved into our new house a couple months ago because my new neighbor speaks ENGLISH!!! EEEEE!!! I was PSYCHED!! I hemmed and hawed and shuffled my feet for WEEKS trying to figure out a way to go over to her house and start up a conversation (leading to everlasting friendship and happiness) and was thrilled when I came up with a way.

Insert - Babies! Hooray babies have a use after all!! She and I share babies of the same age so one day when she was outside with hers we wandered over so my baby could say hi *ahem* to her baby.

We of course started talking and I was thrilled to be speaking in English to a lady that seemed pretty nice! And she IS nice.....but there's a wee problem.

She's of the Mexican culture arena that is super DUPER over protective, MY-BABY-IS-THE-UNIVERSE.

I, am not.

If my baby wants to throw a 2yo tantrum and fling herself on the ground in the street and scream? Let her ass! If HER baby wants to do the same? Oh my God. First, it would be a catastrophe if her baby were to touch the ground. She'll swoop him up so fast and squeeze him to her bosom "OH, MI AMOR, YOU ALMOST TOUCHED THE GROUND!" DEAR LORD NOT THE GROUND!

Are there mini zombie brain eating monsters that I don't know about on the ground waiting to kill our babies? Did I miss something?

If my baby throws herself on the ground I let her stay there until she's done being an asshole and then just -NEWSFLASH- dust her off when she's done! There's no harm in a baby sitting on the ground for a minute but this lady goes into the freaking VAPORS if her kid even starts to kneel!

It's not just her though, I've seen mmaaaaannnyy Mexican Mommy's that are the same way. Maybe there's a superstition I don't know about or something???

Anyhoo. Also when her kid starts to throw a fit (and I mean a little bastard I-am-a-two-year-old-the-world-is-ending-fit) she'll cram him to her bosom, drop what she's doing and exlaim "OHHHH Mi VIIIIDDAAA Mi AMMMMMOOORRRRR What is it??? What is WRONG?? How can I make it all better mi precious peice of GOLD???" And all the while the kid is kicking and screaming - OR - going complacent because he knows he is soon to get his way.

Also, dogs. The neighbor lady saw our dog come up and lick Daisy in the face and saw me laugh and do nothing about it but shoo the dog away and about came UN-GLUED. "OH! That's disgusting! Dogs are nasty your POOOOORRR baby!!!" She then wouldn't let my baby go near her baby - fear of disease?? - then rushed back to her house for fear that we would ..... well I don't know. Chase her baby with a slobbery dog?

So. She thinks I'm a bad Mommy and I think she's a freak and now we can't be best friends for life and share our secrets and eat chocolate like I was hoping for. We talk once in a while but the baby taboo always comes up and I always go home feeling like a pod-person.

SO! Onward I go, a friend I will find some day!


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh YES! What's up with Mexicans and fear of the ground and dogs?

My husband won't let our dogs even touch the furniture, and heaven forbid someone walks around the house barefoot! THE HORROR!!

Don't even get me started on how my Mexican girlfriends flip out when I set my purse on the floor. They'll pick it up every. damn. time. Hilarious!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Purse on the floor!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a freak like that too! They think I was born in a barn or something :D

Kristin Valdiviezo said...

This blog cracks me up! I am also a gringa in Mexico and shit all I want is a friend that is NORMAL!! Is it that hard? Oh well, until then I will pretend I live close to you lol

Lisa n Javi said...

Too funny. My sister in law is kind of the same way. She does not care if he is on the floor, but once he starts crying and throwing a fit she is right there to comfort him for dis-behaving and then handing him what he wants.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Kristin, Thank You!! :) And I've been here 3 years and I DID find one! But she moved to the freakin' Dominican and now I'm searching for another. It's not easy to find someone "normal" who is willing to live here! So ok, we'll be long distance friends ;)

Lisa - Future Jail-ee!

Estrellita said...

Asshole! Awesome. That reminds me of the best Sex And the City episode ever. Samantha- "Babies are not my scene. And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole."
Carrie- "You can't call a baby an asshole." Samantha- "Why not?"
That aside, helicopter moms drive me nuts! Now. I admit I was as bad as this woman when my son was a baby. My friend's kids ate things they found between the couch cushions and lived to tell the tale. I'm sure they had more fun too.

Zoe said...

Well, there is something to be said for menopause. At least I won't be of child bearing age in Mexico. jajaja. Didn't realize that about the ground and floor; how amusing.(to me, anyway) Maybe you could advertise for a live in (no pay) au pair who speaks English.

Liz said...

Germs. We all need to be exposed to germs. Gosh, if I think of how much I sat on the ground (and ate dirt, bugs and whatever else was down there) as a kid that poor neighbor of yours would have a heart attack. Good luck. You are the much, much better mom!!!

MollyB said...

Kids who live on a farm or with 2 or more pets are waaaay less likely to have allergies or asthma. Must be all the germs they ingest. When I was little I remember (and this really is disgusting) pulling gum off the sidewalk and eating it. I remember doing that more than once. I can distinctly remember the flavor, too - it tasted like hot concrete. Or at least what I imagine concrete would taste like. Somehow I lived to tell about it. And even managed to get 2 Master's Degrees. Hmmm, but maybe that's why I'm infertile...?! Ha ha.

She-She said...

Just tell her the truth next time the dog licks the your baby. Human mouths have a far higher amount of bacteria than dogs--it is a FACT! Dogs like to give kisses too ya know!

Anonymous said...

Sit this woman down and make her watch the documentary film, 'Babies.' It may induce a heartattack when she sees how the Nairobian child is being raised but that's a risk you'll have to be willing to take.