Saturday, February 18, 2012

Cool Mexican Perk

I was driving home from work today. I LOOOVVEEE working Saturday! And there's no sarcasm there, Saturday is 4 hours and I only teach adults.

I teach them basicaly the same thing I teach my 4th graders but with ADULTS I get to teach them all the goofy figures-of-speach we Americans come up with (today's goof lesson was "blowing up his/her cell phone" they all knew the action, but not the term!) and get to use my humor in it's FULL range. With 4th graders I can make a lot of poop jokes and such but with adults I can use ALL of my humor

No better way to teach some boring grammar than to throw in some raunchiness. They love me, and I love them for laughing at me.

Anyhoo, driving home.

The forces of the massive ghetto-ness of my car and a crappy mechanic came together as one today as I was driving home and one minute I was thinking about walking around the neighborhood and browsing the gazillion clothes "garage sales" (i.e. people sell clothes out in front of their houses EVERY DAY and still call it a "garage"), and the next minute WHAH-BAHM!!!

The hood of my car came up and decided to slap a big ole kiss on my windsheild. My windsheild obviously didn't WANT the kiss because it tried it's best to make it's hasty retreat backwards to my FACE.

I know now that I am truly a Reynosa, Mx certified driver because in the split seconds that everything was happening I began to slam on the brakes but remembered "GOD NO, AGAINST THE RULES!!!" and checked my side mirror to make sure there was nobody 1 inch off my ass going 50mph (50 is as fast as it gets here, like....even on the "highway") and getting ready to slam me from behind.

Luckily there was a lot of space behind me so I DID slam my brakes and immediately drove up onto an 8 inch or so sidewalk. My car barely made it up there (not much ground clearence) but it was better than being once again in danger of being skerblashed from behind. And when I say "being in danger" I mean within 3 minutes somebody would have hit me. It's just like that here, you get used to it.

And the driving 50mph thing? THAT'S why we have the stereotype up north of "The 10 mexicans in the nova driving 45mph in the fast lane." They don't KNOW that they're vehicle can GO faster! Or maybe if they tried it would blow up because it's never GONE that fast in it's life. Seriously, after about a year here I realized that I was DOING that when I would get on a real expressway in Texas. And when I went home to visit the first time and my dad drove a respectable 76mph ("Only 1mph over and they won't pull you over ah-har-dee-har") I almost had a heart attack.

Anyways, I always get off track, the car, my face. My face is still luckily although semi-plain, IN-TACT. Along with my EYES thank you GAWD!!! Glass DID manage to make it into my shoes??? And when I got out of the car to close the hood my feet were cut but....well shit, that's kind of cool right? Like.....into my SHOES but not my FACE? That's bad-ass.

Within ONE minute of the failed kiss, one of the super cool Mexican road crew helper dudes came and pulled up in front of me. At first I thought "Oh shit, will the Transito try and get $$ out of me for THIS?? How much do I have to bribe him with??" but then realized it was help. YAY! I didn't need any help but the man was really nice and kept asking if I was ok (which led me to feel over my face in case there was damage I wasn't aware of) but I was fine. He kept on asking and now that I think about it, it was probably my RE-tard Spanish that had him so worried. I talk like a cave-man (on a GOOD day) and maybe he was thinking I was disorented.

Anyhoo, I was fine and told him thank you and that I'd just drive home really slowly.

So that's it. I drove home really slowly and the gauzy windshield would beckon and breath in and out if I got going too quick but all ended well.

The great thing is that if this would have happend a year ago my husband and I would have fallen into dark despair at our once again horrible fortune, but today? Meh. Whatever, I'm just glad to have EYES and my husband didn't seem to care beyond the fact that he'd have to be the one to go and find me a "new" one.

Sometimes it's great to be the GIRL! :D


Lisa n Javi said...

Scarry. Glad you were ok though and that you actually had a good person to stop and help.

~ellen~ said...

Yow! Glad things weren't worse, that could have been really, really bad.

Zoe said...

Whew! Funny you saying Mexicans drive slowly, though. Where WE are, they are always going way over the speed limit and pass us like we are stalled on the highway and I mean FAST! Yesterday evening, we were on our way to Ensenada for a Mardi Gras fiesta and I have never seen so many speeders and not just 75-80..we're talkin' eat my dust!! Glad all was well with you. Send some of those slow drivers to Baja.